What an excellent day for an exorcism

I can't begin to fathom how many years it has been since I've seen The Exorcist, the undisputed horror classic from 1973. Haven't changed a bit, as impressive as I saw it back then. It has all the good stuff, from cross masturbation to spinning heads. Makes horror the greatest genre. Fucking love it.

Riding into the sun

Marlo has it extra rough. She's married to a douchebag and she's a mother of three children one of whom is newborn and one is 'quirky'. It's almost too much to handle for her, so they hire a 'night nanny' called Tully who turns everything inside out, she's a true gift from heaven. Predictable waste of time.

For thee the hammer of the anvil rings

The seventh James Bond film, directed by Peter R. Hunt in 1969, starring George Lazenby as the agent 007, Diana Rigg as the Bond girl Tracy, Bernard Lee as Bond's superior 'M' (the head of MI6), Desmond Llewelyn as 'Q' (the head of Q division), Lois Maxwell as Miss Moneypenny (MI6 secretary) and Telly Savalas as Blofeld, the head of SPECTRE, as the main antagonist. Title song composed, arranged, and conducted by John Barry. The movie is rather unique in the Bond series, there's the little awkward George Lazenby in the lead and the ending is more tragic and melancholic than we are used to, but otherwise it's a solid 007 adventure.

Kill three to save eight billion

Life is hanging by a thread on earth as it has utilized most of its energy resources. So people must venture space and pursue unorthodox tests for unlimited energy. The experiment might unleash chaos of biblical proportions, make the world disappear or unravel parallel dimensions. It's a dime a dozen scifi thriller.

In cold voodoo town

Tsunami struck Norway and three years later the bona fide hero of the catastrophe Kristian Eikjord (Kristoffer Joner) ain't doing so well. He's become a hermit and a doomsayer with a nervous breakdown to whom even the company of her own daughter is too much of a crowd. Only another major catastrophe looming on the horizon energizes him, but is it too late to rescue the city of Oslo and his entire family from total devastation? The predecessor The Wave (2015) was already surprisingly well-made, tragic, devastating and hair-raising catastrophe movie for a Scandinavian feature and this one follows suit.

By the power of Greyskull

I knew that It Came From the Desert wasn't going to be the highlight of this year's movies and I also knew it was going to be trashy indie bullshit. But in all the perfect tackiness, it's all good. Movies don't need to be too hard on themselves. Perhaps not enough bullets to become a cult classic, but decent laughs in the scifi horror camp.

Sadness never ends

A kindergarten teacher and a wanna-be poet Lisa (Maggie Gyllenhaal) is mesmerized as one of the kids in the school seems to be at least ten times better a poet than his teacher. No one else seems to notice the talent of the new Yeats, but Lisa's obsession with him is showing distressing signals. Not only is she trying to possess and utilize the weed lad's poetry and his extraordinary talent, she wants have the child prodigy on herself only. Nothing of sexual or lethal nature stirs up, the thrills and true fears are only halfway there.

Burnt circuit in the brain

Nicole Kidman's character Erin Bell is an utterly joyless person. A lacklustre, dull and grey person. A humourless git. She'd be an abomination to hang out with. She tries to be a decent mother though, but she's too detached from work. She's an undercover agent with a vengeance in mind. Destroyer is a crime drama with such a melancholic theme that it's inescapably boring.

Trout with noodles

Pretty desperate. Offers little hope, Arctic, a survival movie set in the Arctic. Overgård (Mads Mikkelsen) is a resilient bugger standing against death, hunger, polar bears and arctic cold. Some of his choices make no sense and, apart him being stranded in the ice and cold, there's so little to the story. Offers no reasons and explanations. Would have been terribly good otherwise.

Fuck off hairball

Remembering nothing of the original, I honestly believed I started watching the Pet Sematary remake that is out now and thought they had captured the style and the spirit of the times of the authentic one so exceptionally well. After a second thought, I had to check it out. I was wrong of course. It was the modern packing of the 20th anniversary edition of the original Mary Lambert's Pet Sematary that fooled me. It's a story of a Native American burial place that brings animals and people back to life and it's still some kind of creepy shit. Stuff of nightmares.

Harbringer of death

German labor camps or nazi death camps weren't too nice. A few prisoners made it extra difficult hiding a wee Polish boy in their barracks in Buchenwald concentration camp. Their hope were the approaching Allied and Russian forces as Germany was showing signs of losing the war, altho some of the prisoners seemed to plan a revolt of their own. Pretty powerful film but hardly scratches the surface of the horrors that happened in Buckenwald.

Ignorance is the new excellence

Group of men steal money from bad guys, but the gig ends sideways and they all die. The bad guys - no-good mafioso types - want compensation from the wives and girlfriends of the recently deceased robbers, so the ladies need to figure a way to get huge amount of cash in a little time. Luckily they acquire blueprints for a perfect robbery and decide to execute the heist! Little far-fetched the whole idea, but still tempted heavy-weight names such as Liam Neeson, Viola Davis, Jon Bernthal, Robert Duvall, Colin Farrell and Daniel Kaluuya.

Money doesn't buy everything

As of late, I have seen lots of movies based on true stories (The Captain, Suomen Hauskin Mies, White Boy Rick, Embrace of the Serpent). Right now it feels The Upside is the best of the lot. It's such a beautiful story. I remember being impressed by the original French film version as well. It's all about a relationship between a wealthy man with quadriplegia and a guy with a criminal background.

Hiding in plain sight

Shit starts to get too real in an escape room. A group of people are imprisoned inside a murderous maze where the only way of escape is locked behind a series of challenging puzzles. Straight-to-DVD nonsense, but mildly entertaining.

Taste a little paradise

Stars weren't aligned for Rick. Mommy left him when he was little, sister is a drug addict and his dad sells firearms for meagre living. Everyone from the cops to no-good friends in the drug dealing business stabbed him in the back. A though-provoking mind-blowing true story of how things were in done in Detroit in mid-Eighties.

White terror, red terror

Finnish Civil War in 1918. There was a power vacuum with both German and Russian empires wielding their shields in the mix. All the suspicious leftist people were thrown into jails. Suomen Hauskin Mies tells a tale of a prison island full of incarcerated theatre people who must write and perform a play for German delegate and unless it isn't well received they are going to be executed. Probably the best Finnish movie I've seen all year. 

Brotherly with heart and hand

Two weeks before Germany surrendered in WWII, the German army had a fair share of deserters who became outlaws and thieves. A fugitive Willi Herold however finds a deserted captain's uniform, adopts the role as the officer of the Third Reich and continues the war. He got big-headed and the rest of the harrowing movie you wish someone reports or kills him.

Beware of the dwarf

I guess I secretly loved all the Goldie Hawn comedies back in the day. Had a crush on her of sort. I also liked Chevy Chase as a funny man. So this was a perfect match and I liked it a lot. Now, 40 years later Foul Play (1978) has lost a little of its momentum, the farceness of the comedy is outdated, but it's still entertaining.

Every inch is stained with someone's sin

Maybe not as brilliant as I remembered, but it's still the best thing Oliver Stone has directed thus far. An exceptionally wicked story of a man stuck in a small American town. Young Claire Danes and hilarious Joaquin Phoenix just starting their careers. And the heavyweights Jon Voight, Bo Hoskins, Sean Penn, Nick Nolte, Powers Boothe and Billy Bob Thornton having the time of their lives. Music by Ennio Morricone to boot.

We all speak Russian in hell too

Lucas Hill is an American diamond dealer stuck in the St. Petersburg area where there are two kinds of people, those who operate on vodka and those who are criminals. Lucas amazingly meets a nice coffee shop owner and instanly falls in love with her. It also stops the story of going anywhere. One of the worst this year.

Before the snake descended

A few years ago I read a long praising article or review of Embrace of the Serpent in some movie magazine (probably either Total Film or Empire) and ever since wanted to see it. But unfortunately never got around to see it. Had to purchase it abroad. As always, something you wait so eagerly doesn't quite meet up the expectations. However it's still worth the wait and effort. Set in two time periods in the jungles by the river Amazon. Western civilization exploits the old sacred indian medicine, wisdom and magic. Still, it's a beautiful film.

Surviving ain't a crime

Originally from Gambia, Mou is a paperless refugee living in Barcelona collecting scrap metal for living. Like all the refugees, he has a dream of better life, he'd happily work in a restaurant or become a professional singer, but can't become one unless he gets freedom and the papers. He has a good - albeit troubled - soul, does Mou, although blaming everyone else for his misery but himself ain't the right way.

Seahorses pair for life

Some people want to live ostracized from society. Father and daughter, Will and Tom, are like those people. The dad's a lost cause, but the daughter however have some social skills left. How to remain independent, but still escape the slavery and obsessions the modern world instutes? How to escape forcefed religion? Sometimes people are better-off in the woods. In all this turmoil, how Will and Tom can keep their family going? An enganging, reticent, beautiful yet tad melancholic little low budget film.

Pleasure is the antidote of death

A perfectly detailed espionage thriller mini series. Courtesy of John le Carré. Israeli agents recruit a British actress to infiltrate her into a terrorist cell which hobbies include killing jews all over Europe. To be honest, the series never really took off, lots of frustrating rambling, particularly on the tepid relationship between the actress and a Mossad agent. Even the finale was boring as shit.

The call of the cowards

It's more or less the same story. Lord of Loxley, Robin Hood, becomes a thief. His new buddy - Maori Yahya aka. John - teaches him to become master of his craft. Series of robberies begin and the sheriff of Sherwood ain't too happy. The old story hasn't looked so plastic and tasteless ever before. They are spewing ridiculous one-liners back and forth, too much too soon for the actor Taron Egerton, Robin Hood himself is an annoying little brat and the haircuts, make-ups and clothes of these medieval people are ripped right out of the latest fashion magazine. Just plain stupid.

The king is risen

The biggest problem with these popular superhero movies is that they aren't Rated R. I truly wish they'd forget box office numbers and produce serious hardcore superhero movies where people die on bullet impact, they bleed, curse and unleash hell. This lullaby - for fuck's sake - is K-12, so it's both harmless and childish. Story of the rift between the kingdoms of Atlantis and it's one endlessly boring fight.

Never blow out the eastern candle

An old art dealer on the brink of bankruptcy discovers an unknown painting he suspects is the work by the great Russian painter Ilja Repin. The only problem is to prove it and to purchase the unknown yet valued piece. The director Klaus Härö's character-based sentimental films portray a natural and classic touch, thus have a lasting effect.

One terrible day God answered

It's like a mishmash of Stephen King stories. A small town in Maine, where else, is stricken with suicides and mass murders, people are stuck in nightmares and it seems like the great Satan himself walks upon its grounds. It's a whole lot of weight for one town - and for one show. And even if it's captivating and mesmerizingly beautiful horror at times, the season 1 of Castle Rock is too puzzled. It's quite impossible to focus on the core of the story because there hardly is any.

The black sun rises

Juice Leskinen (1950-2006) was one of the most famous singer-songwriters in Finland of his time. A genious lyricist who left a lasting remark on Finnish musical folklore. On many ways he was a mirror to a Finnish soul, a quiet humble man who drank like the next one. And the fame and moderate fortune only increased his addictions. Despite Juice's untimely death, he had a strong and productive career, therefore it would have deserved a little more in-depth approach and his aplenty classic songs the coverage they'd quite rightly deserve. The spirit of the age was executed nicely though.

She's like a beautiful ghost

Unbeknownst the reasons, I dragged this DVD at home with me. Yet anyways I'd never imagine I'd watch it, but I did. It's shit for brains. Emily goes missing and her friend, vlogger Stephanie, who is not really her friend, suspiciously appears to be taking her place as a mother and lover. Artificial thrills, superficial laughs, clichéd waste of time.

Kill a hipster, save your hood

They dug out kind of an amusing way of telling of the thug life of Oakland, California. Closing in on the last day of his parole, Collin is trying to take it as easy as possible with his friend and co-worker in a moving company, a white dude Miles. Life is in nice cosmic rhythm, Collin is trying to get used to a new way of healthy living and things are excited because he has a crush on a nice girl as well. But a little glitch in pulse, one smallest of misdemeanours, may have terrible consequences and it would be prison time for good. Decent drama of street injustice.

Catch the tuna

Baker Dill is a fisherman who has his own Moby Dick haunting him; a massive tuna that constantly escapes his hooks and skills of fishing. His business as a fishing guide for tourists is quickly going down the drain because his obsession of catching the monster tuna is getting in the way of paying customers. One pretty lucrative - and personal - deal could solve all his problems. It's his biggest game yet. I didn't spoil myself ahead of this thriller, but felt early that something fishy is up, but it still caught me by a big surprise. Clever and enjoyable little fucker, despite of the low ratings I've seen everywhere.

Sometimes it's better to choose your own family

Winner of Palme d'Or. A story of a deprived Japanese family living the ghetto who steal food and basic household items to stay alive. With an extra mouth to feed, a new member - a kidnapped lassie - in the family doesn't really help the situation, but her presence brings joy to the whole lot. Pretty alright, but the greatest thing is that the movie shows Japan and its culture and people the way it's hardly ever seen before. High technology, the strict business culture, busy streets of Tokyo, the glitter of J-pop, and so on, are rather gruelly replaced by unemployment, poverty and grey everydayness.

Wind of the red moon

Former florist, 90-year old Earl Stone, is a different kind of drug mule. Unlike his Mexican cartel partners who are all hyped up and ready to explode any minute, Earl opts to enjoy life and he's astonishingly relaxed even during the gigs. Despite involving an essentially violent and grim subject, it's dealt with such a perfect subtle light-hearted touch that I don't imagine not many other than Clint Eastwood could have pulled it off. One of his best films from the past couple of decades, close to a masterpiece really.

Dreams of war, dreams of liars

Based on the 2000 K-141 Kursk submarine disaster, in which 118 Russian sailors died. I feel a little unase watching filmings of events where you know the tragic outcome. It's too near in the past, you remember how it happened and unfolded. The other recent deadly tragedies such as 9/11, The Indian Ocean tsunami, Gulf War, and what have you, beneath the chaos, there was also slivers of uplifting, heroic moments, but Kursk has none, it's a hopeless abyss.

Dead on the shitter

These mindless action movies that are hysterically full of plotholes are kind of fun to watch. Terrorists plant football team West Ham's home stadium full of explosives and if their wishes aren't met, intend to blew it to kingdom come. So ridiculous at attempting to do thrilling action that it's borderline comedy.

Mellow in the darkness

A true story. A bunch of alcoholics in the 70s and one of them is a wheelchair-bound John Callahan (Joaquin Phoenix). Callahan's quadriplegia, his struggle for sobriety and finding his biological mother is somewhat heavy and saddening, but, in the end, him becoming a reknowed cartoonist makes this an easy-going heartfelt movie. And Joaquim Phoenix, once again, proves his talent.

The hour of the wolf

A neglected and abused girl has no other option than to escape deep in the woods and become an axe-wielding vampire cannibal. She lives in a place called Devils Den where no one dares to go because, naturally, no one really wants to get eaten. The girl gets a little lonely just drawing pictures and killing people in the woods, so it's a blessing when she meets another abused teenager. Pretty weak slasher horror.

Death by torture

David Fincher has done some of the finest serial killers movies (namely Se7en and Zodiac) and now he has created a remarkable serial killer TV series that is a smart, entertaining and intriguing masterpiece. At least season #1 is out there with the very best.

Allergic to social norms and elegant niceties

Not wholly succumbed to the genre, but Anthony Jeselnik is the most entertaining (and vulgar) stand-up comedian I've seen in recent years. This is only the second one I've seen of his shows, not on the standard as the first one (Thoughts and Prayers), but murderously funny.

A delusion is lies that tell truth

Witches have a ballet academy in Berlin in 1977 and if you don't dance for their wishes you are in deep supernatural trouble. A remake of Dario Argento's horror classic and it quite well could be from the seventies itself. It's haunting, good fucking horror, impressive satanic witchcraft and ceremonies where evil prevails. But like everyone seems to be saying, the movie is too long (two and half hours), so inevitably it bores and ultimately disappoints you.

From the earth of frost and cold

Aarne and Veikko are returning home from war between Finland and Russia. They are ambushed by the Russian soldiers, Aarne dies and Veikko escapes. Back in Finland, Veikko falls in love with Aarne's sister and together they start a new live in a settlement farm in northern Karelia. It's a trademark Markku Pölönen film, Finnish scenery and country romance as the driving force and decent - albeit sappy - enough a story.

A leap of faith

Peter Parker a.k.a. Spider-Man is dead, but due to a clitch at the gates between dimensions, all of a sudden all the other Spider-Mans from parallel dimensions gather up to defeat their common enemy Kingpin. All the other Spider-Mans, including Spider-Ham, Peni Parker and Spider-Man Noir, aren't quite what we are used to, they are older, fattier and originating from different species and everything. Nevertheless, they are all fucken cool. Into the Spider-Verse is quite something, an entertaining extravaganza.

Crying in the storm

I don't know, but apparently somewhere in the near future people are criss-crossing between different galaxies in derelict spacecrafts with bottomless ease. If it ever came to be, thousands of space researchers would walk out of this movie during the first 10 minutes, unless they came for a laugh. A girl gets stuck in a suspiciously earthlike planet with a thief and a murderer. In order to survive and collect earnings from the lucrative soil, they have to co-operate. Sci-fi movies are not my forte, but this had a nice low budget feel to it, even though just didn't care what the fuck was going on.

South of reality

You sometimes read of these people. Con-artists who pretend they are working, but in truth lie their way out of reality, are unemployed and do shit like steal food from restaurants. Pekka Malmikunnas (Hannu-Pekka Björkman), who lives on a construction site, is a that kind of fraudster, but keeping a good lie going becomes more difficult when he - through unfortunate accident - inevitably gets closer to his family. Decent drama comedy, inspired by Kari Hotakainen's novel.

Courage is the solution to despair

Reverend Toller (Ethan Hawke) runs a derelict church that is about to celebrate its 250th anniversary. For a Christian priest, Toller seems like a man of reason as he understands science and the dangers of environmental change. He's not lost his faith, but he's a common man, drinks too much and ignores his health. Apart from the fact that quite early on you realize where the story is going (even though the ending is open for interpration), First Reformed is a solid provocative drama. Written and directed by Paul Schrader (the writer of Taxi Driver).

Infinite gate opening

Horrible nazis - while occupying France in WWII - use local residents as their laboratory rats. They are testing a new chemical formula to create super-soldiers because 'A thousand year Reich needs thousand year soldiers.' Allied forces must stop this madness. Really enjoyable nazisploitation, a bit campy, but entertaining.

Better than Sinatra

Nothing wrong with it, but it's overrated as fuck. I probably am the only one on the earth that didn't get the chemistry between Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga. And the songs are shit. Otherwise, it's a watchable thing. They do well, the actors, and the story - albeit too quickly - developes from rags to riches and from fame to humiliation pretty smoothly. And I was a little surpised to see Andrew Dice Clay still doing motion pictures and that's fucking great.

Losers of future tyrants

This techno thriller tries too much. It desperately tries be smarter, flashier, darker and sexier than all the rest, particularly its predecessors; the Swedish Millennium miniseries and David Fincher´s The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo film. Unfortunately this shit gets tangled in its own web and makes, for instance, the already average actors look plastic. Also, it's the most loopholed movie I have seen all year.

Draconian menu

With 18 Michelin stars, Alain Ducasse undisputedly is the most celebrated chef in the world, the king of gastronomy. The documentary follows him for 2 years, we see him completing his latest restaurant in Versailles (Ore - Ducasse au château de Versailles) and we are with him as he takes culinary trips all over the world. Cooking is his infinite universe, he´s so devoted to food that his obsession inevitably sticks with you and you admire his artistry.