Fixing bullet holes

Hotel Artemis is hospital for the criminals. Ongoing riots ensure that Los Angeles in 2028 is a very violent city. The citizens have nearly lost the supply of clean water and that´s why they are stark raving angry, but the privileged criminals have a perfect hiding hole from both the law and the looters. Its nurse (Jodie Foster) and another health professional Everest (Dave Bautista) who run the place however compromise the hospital's security and get all sort of shit coming their way. Nowhere near perfect, but quite a sympathetic little indie. 

Carnival of carnage

What a crap. In a very one-sided documentary or show, Piers Morgan interviews three notorious serial killers - Mark Riebe, The Kansas City Strangler Lorenzo Gilyard and Bronx Serial Killer Alejandro Henriquez - but prefers putting himself on the spotlight. Yes, the killers most probably are in the prison for all the right reasons and they are disgusting maggots, but Piers Morgan does his everything to annoy and therefore shut them up. They all had something to say, they all wanted to say something, but the interviewer was biased to begin with and didn't want to hear anything. We probably lost the last and only change to dig up something new from those cases because of the idiot journalist. Had this been handed to someone like Louis Theroux, it would have been amazing.

Life eater in the sky

The virus, it's an influenza that makes you kill yourself if you open your eyes outside. You only live if you are blindfolded while you go about your business outdoors. It's a steadily spreading beast out there, steadfastly annihilating the human population. It's a total endgame! Something like straight from The Twilight Zone territory and actually it's pretty good!

Girls pleasuring phantoms

Django ain't someone to fuck with. Armed with coffinful of secrets he's ready to combat Mexicans and an army of Confederates. My Western streak continues and this one is from 1966. One of many Quentin Tarantino's influences, I hear. Franco Nero (Django) even appeared in Tarantino's Django Unchained (2012).

Steaming ball of foreshadowing

Cancer-ridden superhero Deadpool is at the end of his rope and lost his desire to live. Once he's saved by the X-Men organization and improsoned due to his rough way of problem-solving, he's head to head with a cyborg called Cable from the future. Lots of wild, borderline batshit crazy, things going on, but as some sort of deranged cousin from the whole Marvel universe, Wade Wilson as Deadpool continues being cool and the offbeat style in the movies is truly entertaining and refreshing. 

Rapture of the black night

Sometimes the little things get under my skin. Why they had to fill up the quiet moments of the film with outrageously loud soundtrack? This is supposed to be a lovely little relationship drama with a dose of rural nostalgia set around Christmas time and the shitty soundtrack overload is fucking everywhere.

A splash of whiskey to wash the trail dust

What a hoot. Ethan and Joel Coen's The Ballad of Buster Scruggs probably is the funniest and the most beautiful and entertaining film I've seen all year. It's a western anthology film featuring six stories and they all are great and unique in their own way. They are all set in the Wild West, but otherwise has nothing too much in common. However it's a trademark Coen film, so it's funny, smart and looks absolutely gorgeous (courtesy of Bruno Delbonnel's cinematography). Little bit of heaven.

North of blue moon

Anders Breivik is a despicable human being. A proper fucking cunt. Paul Greengrass' movie sums up the massacre that happened in Utøya, Norway, at 22nd of July, 2011. As they shoud, made the effort to utilize Norwegian actors, but I cannot fathom the reason why they made them speak English, it's utterly useless and takes away a lot of effectiveness from the film.

Gnarly psychos and crazy evil

Approximately a two hour movie and the first hour was shit. So much annoyingly surreal, hypnotic and artsy cinematography that I almost gave up on it. I would have if Nicolas Cage hadn't been his cool self. The rest of the movie is pretty wicked, a man who has lost his wife goes against Jesus freaks and a demon-biker gang called Black Skulls.

Hideous hearts

It really ain't anything else than two snipers spotting and trying to kill each other. Compared to Mine, Buried and Phone Booth, where one character is isolated, trapped in one place and tries to find a way to escape. This one didn't get too much credit, people said that soldiers don't operate like that, all that, and I understand the criticism, but I was well entertained.

Envious of the finality of death

Captain Joseph Blocker (Christian Bale) has fought against indians his whole adult life and when, as a goodwill gesture from the president, he's ordered to escort a Cheyanne chief and his family back to indian reservations in Montana, the posse meets a woman whose family has been brutally executed by the Comanches. The journey through dangerous territories has a good chance of becoming a truly violent adventure. This looks like a good old western, one of the best contemporary ones I've seen, they don't come by too often.

See you later, irrigator

The fourth James Bond film, directed by Terence Young in 1965, starring Sean Connery as the agent 007, Claudine Auger as the Bond Girl Domino, Bernard Lee as Bond's superior M (the head of MI6), Desmond Llewelyn as 'Q' (the head of Q division), Lois Maxwell as Miss Moneypenny (MI6 secretary) and Adolfo Celi as Largo, Number 2 of SPECTRE, the main antagonist. Title song sung by Tom Jones. The criminal organization steals two nuclear warheads and demands for a ramson from the NATO countries. Bond investigates the international extortion scheme.

A masquerade of recreation

Josh Homme (Queens of the Stone Age) and the Godfather of Punk Iggy Pop collaborate to release an album "Post Pop Depression" and a tour that follows within. Iggy is Iggy, he doesn't reveal too much of his persona, but once again Joshua Homme proves he is the most creative and versatile musician of his generation. Not saying their co-operation spewed the most mind-blowing music, but it's a fucking good movie at least.

Kill someone who matters

Vikings season 5 part I. After the death of Ragnar Lothbrok (brilliant Travis Fimmel) I feared the series would take quite a nosedive. On the contrary, it's possibly better than ever, the remaining next of kin cause havoc and mayhem and fear in Italy, Africa, Britain and in their own soil fighting with and against each other. Bloody marvellous.

A long line of bastards

Supervillain Thanos wants to capture all the infinity stones of the universe, so he can be the supreme leader, get total control and kill the inhabitants as he pleases. The superheroes of the galaxy must gather up, join forces to stop this madman. It's a very good movie, possibly the best of its genre, altho I wish they'd ease off the pedal a little and wouldn't produce these Marvel flicks at such a frantic pace because thrills of excitement may die out of oversupply.

Get up and fight in the void

A legend amongst his peers, a rogue CIA agent is suspected of foul play, so they kidnap and lock him up in a submarine. Vesselful of conspiracies, things are bound to get volatile, thus begins a cat and mouse game that is, frankly speaking, fucking stupid.

Strangers in the hollow

After losing their daughter in a freak accident, they need a fresh start, Ray and Maggie, so they purchase a roadside motel. The thing is the motel has its secrets, a peeping hole (one-way mirror) for one and few other things the former owner chose not to mention. Although there must be method to his madness, Nicolas Cage keeps on building up his resume with trifling thrillers.

Forced to coexist

The island inhabited by dinosaurs is about to blow to kingdom come because a volcano is about to explode. So a group of scientiests and military gunslingers - both with different intentions - go there to rescue the poor endangered primal beasts. I'm usually very excited and inspired to watch these kind of blockbuster thingies, but it's funny how all the excitement just dies out when the movie is on.

Money is honey

This is so bad and horrible that it's downright entertaining in its silliness. It's like they were seriously trying to make a film something in the footsteps of Hard Rain (1998) and Twister (1996) but came up with Sharknado instead.

Here be precious and grace

Usually the scripts that revolve around prom night are either sweet sugary flicks of growing up or they are horror nasties. At first this seemed like the former and it is, in a way, but little nuances, black humour in between the lines, make a whole lot of difference. Would have done better without excess farceness and the last 20 minutes of syrupy mush, but better than expected.

The last black minute

Another one of illusionist Derren Brown's elaborate social experiments. Gone are the magic and the illusions and they've been replaced with carefully crafted scenarios where one human being acts opposite his primal instincts, opinions and beliefs. Not Derren Brown's best efforts, but his abilitity to stimulate human mind is mesmerising at times.

Don't believe in God

Not necessarily such a masterpiece that's advertised virtually everywhere, but I slowly warned up to the story. Even if it ain't nothing but a typical coming-of-age thing, it's clever and witty, funny and entertaining, luckily not extravagantly so, and it's still serious in its own right. Wonderfully acted as well. Probably the best movie done of Sacramento, California.

Peace and purpose

Said it a million times that I've never been a fan of the Star Wars franchising. Probably watched all 'em movies, but nothing - except for the George Lucas 1977 piece - has stuck. Nothing too memorable of all of the lot. It's a saga I've a long ago stopped following and caring, but it has been interesting enough space adventure and, in its flashiness, it's pretty well made most of the times, so worth watching the fucking thing.

God in chains

A man goes to find his sister from a mysterious island inhabited by devout Christian cultists. Thrown in some supernatural horror and we are in for a wicked story. Despite strong The Wicker Man (1973) thing going on, Apostle does well upon its own, a tale that has an eerie, intensively sinister, atmosphere surrounding its being. One of the best horror films of 2018.

A crisis of faith

The current rating of 6,1 on IMDB should have been revealing enough, but I still chose to watch this garbage. One of the contemporary crime comedies that think they are clever and hilarious, but are downright repulsive. Some kidnapping and drug smuggling shit intertwine and people look like plastic, no one can act, and it's just terrible.

We are few but strong

Season # 2 of Norsemen. Right now, the funniest shit that is being produced. Not exactly liked that they killed off one of the key characters, but it's still absolutely hysterical, source of thousand of chuckles.

Poison underneath the sink

Somehow I got trapped into the story. A Norwegian Pakistani teenager, much to the horror of her family, takes the western way of living too close to her heart and even dares to date a full-bred Norwegian boy. Her family kidnaps her and cruelly sends her back to the old world, Pakistan, to value her belief and traditions. I'm really sorry for those sons of bitches who are prisoners of fucking fairytale religions. Weird fucking world. Good movie though.

Too noisy

Interesting concept but loopholed to shit. Alien monsters have inhabited the Earth. They are blind but have a super-hearing, so in order to survive people have to be super-quiet. Turns out though that they are as easy to kill as anything on this planet. Don't know how many people gathered up to write the script, but they are imbeciles. Ridiculously laughable mistakes, forced plot twists and deductive reasonings.

All the best doctors are in the gulag or dead

Josef Stalin is dead and his lackeys, while seemingly in lament, are nitpicking over trivial matters and cunning against each other for power to redeem Soviet people's trust from Stalin's great shadow. Quite near excellent political satire and farce. Great cast, Steve Buscemi as Nikita Khrushchev, Michael Palin as Vyacheslav Molotov and Simon Russell Beale as Lavrenti Beria.

Fear not death for the hour of your doom is set

The first season of Vikingane. And it's just insanely funny. In fact, one of the funniest shits I've seen in recent years. Essentially Vikings with laughs, great characters, clever dark comedy.

Sea of human blood

I knew this documentary was there, but I prolonged watching it for some reason. I reckon, back then when it happened - in 2015 - I followed the story and the aftermath of it perhaps more than I should have. Digged the band, Eagles of Death Metal, since the debut album, easily one of my favourite groups and then all of a sudden they are in a middle of a full-blown massacre. I'm glad the band survived the Bataclan Theatre attack, but the 90 fans, they are never coming back.

Cute full-circle bullshit

Guys just want to have a game night, but they're caught up in a game too real. Typical contemporary comedy that tries to be clever and funny, but it's shit for brains.

Butterfly with broken wings

In the process of divorcing, a Russian couple - too detached to their new partners, social media and work - neglect the existence of their 12 year old son. As if they almost forgot they have one. It seems the unwanted child has no better option than to disappear from his asshole parents. Andrey Zvyagintsev (Leviathan) releases one of the most saddest and memorable stories of the year.

People rely on the police to keep them safe

A remake of Michael Winner's Death Wish (1974), Bruce Willis replacing Charles Bronson. One of the most unnecessary pieces you could imagine, but it's still somewhat watchable in its own right. Dr. Paul Kersey is on a killing spree avenging the death of his loved one. He becomes a hooded vigilante - Grim Reaper - on the streets of Chicago, a folk hero to the innocent civilians.

Delight is murder

Revenge flicks are the greatest. Jen (Matilda Anna Ingrid Lutz) goes after bastards who raped and tried to murder her. Strung out on peyote, she's fixing to brutalize the perpetrators to hell and back. Wonderful French/Belgian production, really bloody and violent and gruesome, but in a good way.

Something that is never activated lies dormant

I seriously thought I was having a nightmare; I was watching a Clint Eastwood movie and it was all shite. He decided to make a film of the incident that happened on a train from Amsterdam to Paris in 2015 and use the real people who were on that train as actors and my mind screams why? And it's not just that the acting is shit and nonexistent, the actual core of the story is hidden somewhere as a sidenote, the movie is stuffed with irrevelant and mundane drivel, executed by these horrible non-actors. Mesmerising.

All myths are foundations of reality

A movie based on a videogame is usually a lost cause. I can't recall any that made a lasting impression. Don't think this one will either with its nonsense story of evil Japanese deity hidden in forsaken island. But in the end, it's a decent enough an adventure and Alicia Vikander in the lead is a great thing to look at this kind of work.

Getting to hell is easy

I took me too many episodes to get a grip what the fuck they were building in there. To the degree that I got frustrated and almost gave up, but kept going because everything was wonderful. The last few episodes in the first season of Westworld were revealing enough to actually enjoy the fucking thing.

Two moons bring the truth

Two ex-members of UFO death cult - brothers Aaron and Justin - decide to hang out with their former cult people for one more day to reminiscence the past. However, it's tempting to stay in the camp because the people seem a harmless peaceful bunch. Brainwashed but nice. The Endless is mystic and strange, beautiful and interesting in its own right, but too much stuck in its own loop.

Death is better than bondage

Black Panther, pale in comparison to Iron Man, Thor, Hulk and a other Marvel fuckers (even Ant-Man). Not entirely the character's fault because the superhero trend is due to run out its course anyways. Nevertheless, this is ridiculous and, quite frankly, fucking horrible. Was it seen with a laughing track, it would be a bad slapstick comedy.

An abyss opens up

Ultimately this movie will be remembered as the one where Christoper Plummer replaced Kevin Spacey because of allegations of Spacey's sexual harassment. The re-shoot cost $10 million. Otherwise All the Money in the World would drown in oblivion pretty damn quickly. Even tho it's a Ridley Scott (Gladiator, American Gangster, Alien, Black Hawk Down) film, it's surprisingly lacklustre. Based on a true story of the kidnapping of the grandson of the world's richest man.

Cold war shattered into thousand pieces

Straight to DVD garbage. They came up with an idea of making a ballerina into a sexy yet super intelligent and deadly spy who makes everyone in the U.S. and Russian intelligence agencies look like damn fools. Got the worst possible actors the execute the agenda and they deliver worst accents imaginable. Over two hours of shit.

Part of a small rebellion

New York Times and Washington Post are rivalling bigger and juicier news. Both are particularly interested in the highly volatile top-secret documents of the Vietnam War. And Nixon administration is unhappy. Steven Spielberg's journalism drama where nothing's amiss, but there are a handful of better movies of the same genre.

An Amazon princess that lives on an island of all women

I should have read the back cover of the DVD. Inserting the disc I thought of getting a Marvel superhero movie, a sequel to Wonder Women. But this is about the author and creator of the most famous female superhero of alltime, William Moulton Marston and his reconstituted family with wife and lover. Apparently a true story and all that, didn't give a damn though.

It's all about beginnings

Sidney Hall is one of the greatest writers of our time. His gift is perceptible already in his teenage years, his debut is selling millions of copies couple of years later, he's Pulitzer calibre and, just like that, he disappears. Quite interestingly built up story follows Sidney Hall through three different time periods, from one tragedy to another really. The dude in the lead - Logan Lerman - does well.

Ballad of the Green Berets

In the wake of 911, 12 Special Forces people go to Afghanistan to destroy Taleban. Over the odds 5000 against 1, they began combat. And it stays that way, but - rushing from one battle to another - it never really kicks in the proper warzone mode and, frankly, looks plastic and made up.

Hypothetically rest in peace

I don't know what to make of this. One the one hand, it's one of those trademark Liam Neeson pieces where the cool hero prevails and the action is fucking entertaining - and I like that shit. One the other, the story is ridiculously absurd and ludicrously unrealistic.

Bad times, bad times

Wow, I first thought they were joking with the dialogue. I really did. It was so corny and clichéd and embarrassing. But it kept going on and on right till the end. I was so focused on the super-macho dialogue that I almost forgot the rest of the movie. Something about bank robbers and cops in a really lousy plotholed story.

Silent as the grave

Mute Elisa Esposito (Sally Hawkins) has her routines; in the morning she wakes up, takes a bath, masturbates and boils eggs for herself and her gay neighbour (Richard Jenkins) and goes to work as a janitor in a top secret research facility. That is until she meets some kind of swamp creature inside the facility and they connect to the degree that she wants to kidnap it from future horrors that lay ahead. I liked this, Guillermo del Toro knows his business and the actors did their part, but even if The Shape of Water was exciting and entertaining, it was a bit silly. And had the genders been reversed, had there been a male human being fucking a female fishlike animal, it would have raised a few million eyebrows and the movie had never been released.

Gliding in the kebab stand

Finland won its first Ice Hockey World Championship in 1995. That wasn't just an ordinary win. It was a victory that gave strenght for the whole small nation for years and years to come. Often compared to Declaration of Independence (1917) or winning a war (never happened). And to beat Sweden on their own ice gives that extra bit of salt in the wounds that everyone needed. Everybody still remembers that magical year 1995, the people born after it are systematically force-fed to acknowledge its importance. Everyone involved in the movie 95 desperately want to forget it.