Twerking medievally

Me and Earl and the Dying Girl is about this guy Greg and his friends Earl and Rachel, the latter of whom is dying of cancer. It's kind of sophisticated drama, with toe-to-toe serious and comedic undertones, that you can't but like really, but on the other hand, it's what it is: a piece of average film that you forget so very easily.

The bottom of the hole

Boisterous life of French drug smugglers in the mid-seventies and there's also the undercover cops a few steps behind. The entire drug war - based on a true story, I'm told - was heavily personified on two people on both side of the fence; judge Pierre Michel (Jean Dujardin) and the head of mafia Gaëtan 'Tany' Zampa (Gilles Lellouche). And that brought reminiscences of the great Heat (Michael Mann). Nicely executed film.

Never set fire to your own house

A documentary of Swedish football phenomenon Zlatan Ibrahimovich. This was about his early years in Malmö FF, Ajax and Juventus. A bit dull to be honest, not enough controversy, cool stories, not much of anything.

Friends don't lie

Fucking like proper mysteries and I gotta jump on the bandwagon on this one, because it is very fucking good. Liked it a lot how they had snipped the general atmosphere and all the great tidbits from traditional horror and science fiction scares such as The Thing, Close Encounters Of The Third Kind, Alien and most of the Stephen King novels.

Connecting the dots that are not there

They never learn, do they? On Homefront, bunch of redneck hillbillies fronted by James Franco and a platoon of outlaw bikers learn it through the hard way that you should never mess up with Jason Statham.

Time takes everybody out

Rocky Balboa's nemesis and pal Apollo Creed's son - Donnie - wants to make his mark on the ring as well. The story is weak, everything in the movie screams predictability (what else can you expect in a boxing movie?), but liked it anyways how it was put together. Sly Stallone is in excellent form and truly dazzles in his low-key role, eg. compared to his more 'muscular' forms in Expendables or something.

Looking before you cross

In search of happiness and sumthin' else, young Irish lady Eilis (Saoirse Ronan) travels to Brooklyn, New York, sometime in the 50s. She's homesick as fuck at the beginning, but when she meets an Italian plumber, her life perks up. Things progress and some mixed emotions arise. Lovely little story for those who like lovely little stories, courtesy by Stephen Fears.

Zooming down from heaven

Ma (Brie Larson) was kidnapped, locked in a shed and continuously abused. She gave birth to a son and lived with him (and the punctually visiting rapist) in the inhumane living conditions for five years, until a lucky break. Despite the evil and nasty Fritzl-shit, this is quite a remarkable film. Mesmerizing at times. Easily one of the memorable ones of the year. 

The thrill is in the hunt

Actor Jackie Earle Haley directs this "cool" crime thriller of four guys kidnapping gangsta's newphew and things get complicated. Pretentious wanna-be-tarantino bullshit that is below average on every level. And that includes the plot twist.

Data trumps politics

One of the many well-meaning documentaries on climate change and the endless struggle against multi corporate oil and tobacco industries. Swimming against massive currents and even the former sceptics now realize that it's too late already. The good guys lost, we ran out of time.

Nail the scumbags

Based on a true story. The Boston Globe goes against Catholic church, its pedophile priests and massive organized cover-up that reaches from hell to Vatican. Can't emphasize enough my stance on any religion and unreal higher powers such as God, but when there's these pervert clerics using the fucking religion to rape little children and then hide behind the mighty (Catholic) church, it's morbid, it's beyond all evil. 249 priests and brothers were accused of sexual abuse in Boston alone based on Globe's investigation. They should wipe it out, the Christian church, all religions for all I care. This movie, it's true Oscar caliber (won the fucken competition too), investigative journalism in extreme well thought-out and structured form, crowned with stellar acting.

Supposed to be a sweet ride

This is the greatest Finnish movie ever made. Viltteri (Vesa Vierikko) has more vital matters at hand than his newborn son and wife, he has to drive his car to Sweden for a vehicle inspection. This one-hour film is packed full so many thingies that only could take place in purely Finnish circumstance. Everyone in the world should see it at least once a year to understand Finnish oddity, humour and logic.

God is shit

Not a happy place, Colonia Dignidad, a concentration camp masqueraded as a christian church that operated in Chile in the 60s and 70s and lead by a pedophile priest Paul Schäfer who claimed he was the second coming of christ. The camp was also used by the Chilean secret police as a torture prison for the anti-Pinochet socialist left wing activists. Gotta say, this was surprisingly captivating. Two lovers (Brühl and Watson) get stuck inside the compound and are obliged to obey the laws of the sadistic shit of a cult leader (Nyqvist).  

A restless heart

Well, there's a killer bunny with an enormous penis raping and skullfucking people in wintry Finnish woods. I guess the movie makers did exactly what they wanted to do, so who am I to criticize anything. Fuckin' nothing makes absolutely no sense is all, but - in addition to the pussy-shouting bunny itself - there are some cultish qualities like the former Finnish porn star Henry Saari acting as a long-haired police officer.

Gutting the witch

Some aggravating accusations of former U.S. president George W. Bush Jr.'s falsified military service records. TV program 60 Minutes jumped right in the story, justly so, during Bush's second presidential campaign. But, now, making a movie of it, it's hopelessly yesterday's news.

Truth beyond the world

I'm sure this film will grow on me eventually. Didn't homerun the first time round. It's an Ethan & Joel Coen movie, so it should sparkle and shine. I mean, the Coen quirkiness is there, the quick-witted writing and humour, too, and it looks damn nice (probably their most photographic film yet). Somehow I still didn't get it even though it has reminiscences of Blood Simple, Barton Fink and The Man Who Wasn't There, all excellent movies. Most likely purposefully so, it was lost in between a comedy, a musical and a smartarse thriller.

Goddess of heaven

Charlie Kaufman's offbeat writing is more challenging, interesting and original than you usually get from Tinseltown. His words kept Anomalisa, an animated feature of a sales rep's trip to Cincinnati, alive. Nothing else did.

One million oysters

Adam Jones (Bradley Cooper) is a reknowed chef who once fucked everything up but now aims to achieve his third Michelin star. It was immediately noticed that they had educated themselves in the culinary world and a strong cast (Cooper, Sienna Miller, Daniel Brühl, Matthew Rhys) made it all happen.

Excuse to be coward

Hospital owner, multi-millinaire philanthropist Franny (Richard Gere) has issues of guilt. He also is addicted to morphine. It calls for desperate measures and, in a nutshell, that's all there is to movie here.

Never-ending cycle of shit

Love this show. They are either fighting or fucking all the time. There's a  - tad loopholed - story put together just so they can fight and fuck. Fucking amazing. Funny little town, Banshee, it's packed full of violence, drugs, tits, aggressive indians, nazis, Amish people, troubled cops, mobster shit, it has it all. This was season # 2.

Happiness is not a sustainable condition

A relationship drama. Not good with those. Comic writer and teacher Will Henry (Jermaine Clement) is a divorcée w/ two kids and a new relationship brewing. There's absolutely nothing else.

Everyone is looking for a better life

An overrated actor Ryan Gosling, probably dazzled by his fame on false pretense, is treading new territories and he products, writes and directs this garbage. He's clearly influenced by Nicolas Winding Refn, but the movie looks like an unfinished art school project.

Paranoid people with guns are a menace to society

A tad outdated I'd say. The film was released in 1992 and it depicts the 2008 London after an ecocatastrophe. Detectives Harley Stone (Rutger Hauer) and Dick Durkin (Alastair Duncan) are hunting down a serial killer out of this world. I liked this and its contemporaries back in the day just fine, but merely a warm memory now.

Revenge of the fallen

It's a savage power struggle in between a few cannibal Maori tribes and we are particularly interested in following a young fella in his guest to avenge his father's killers. They all talk this funky language and it's all set in a pretty nice rain forest in some ancient times. 

All the gods, all the heavens, all the hells are within you

Reminded me of Ridley Scott's Black Hawk Down (2001) where limited number of U.S. soldiers are stuck in volatile and deadly neighbourhood. On a true story based on Benghazi Attack, rangers and states agents are trying to keep the good guys alive and rebels at bay in Libya. It all happened in 2012, after 42 years of Muammar Gaddafi's tyranny. It's hostile shit, Michael Bay at the helm, so guaranteed high-octane action.

Ugly is what we do

I mean, come on, this movie was done terrible on purpose, right? Because I cannot think worse movie at the moment. It was tremendously bad. So bad that it was almost satisfying to watch it. Bludgeoned to death with sillyness. And the lead actor - someone called Luke Bracey - worst fucking acting performance of the century.

Humanity is the next asteroid

I hate it. Hate the fucking Chinese animal markets selling cats and dogs for food, shark fins for soup, fucking manta ray gills as mumbo-jumbo medicine. Fuck Japan and Norway and all those fucking dwarf nations killing endangered species. Fucking hate humans for polluting the earth, killing animals for fun, killing them extinct (600 species each year), absolute scum of the earth. I hate myself for being a fucking hypocrite. It's a relief we're gone very soon. We are a disgrace.

Endless stream of trainwrecks

My expectations were too high because everyone kept saying Deadpool is the badass superhero movie of the year. The action sequences, granted, were outstanding, but their scarcity amazed me. The dialogue, the funny talk, it wasn't that hilarious and vulgar really. So, I was left waiting for more, the only truly intense scenes were at the beginning and in the end of the movie.

Refusing to die

Little girl was abused and tortured for science in the past, but give her few years and she's all vengeful and prospers to massacre everyone that comes her way. I don't know why I fucking bother to watch these bullshit horror flicks even if I know they are going to suck in the end and only just make me terribly stupid in the head.

Kandahar rocks in May

Barry Levinson (Good Morning Vietnam, Rainman, Wag the Dog) directs and Bill Murray stars. I bet they thought it was enough to put the fucking funny guy in such a diverse cultural environment as Kabul, Afghanistan, and people would automatically burst into laughter. Backfires like a motherfucker.

Failed the living for the dead

Hungarian Saul Ausländer and his pals are deployed as workers ("Sonderkommandos") ushering fellow jews into gas chambers, collecting their valuables for the nazis, burning the bodies and tossing the ashes into a river. Never told, but apparently it all is taking place at Auschwitz, but anyways it's extremely well executed the whole final holocaust -thing, in all its mindless brutality and complexity of evil.

Bet on the outnumbered guy

I don't hate 'em, but I don't like them either, these movies that are like constantly wrapped in some sort of pseudo-intellectual riddle. Most cases (this one included), it's just wishy-washy hipster bullshit.

Dots a lot closer together

Two old mates bonding trip on a 'scenic route' through the desert has a promising start until, gradually, everything is falling into pieces. A fresh, somewhat hilarious, thriller that doesn't necessarily give a lasting impression, but good fuckin' popcorn all the same.

Devil's chief engineer

Not cut to my preferences a movie of a bit of a stubborn prick of a computer whiz-kid who swam in the ashes of the bridges he burnt, but to witness a couple of dialogues between Michael Fassbender and Jeff Daniels was almost worth all the fucking boredom.

Dipped in honey

Just can't do the math. I mean, decent enough a cast of actors (Thomas Jane, James Marsden, Billy Bob Thornton) somehow fail to do anything to save this film. There's this grizzly bear hunting down bootleg cutters, poachers, everyone trodding about in the woods, even fellow bears, and everything is just catastrophically fucked to shit.

Into places hostile to human beings

"Two Finnish men have died in a diving accident in northern Norway" - I remember the headlines. A group of Finnish divers has a harrowing tale to share of their diving expedition in Norway. In fact, two expeditions. Firstly, when the deaths of their mates occured, followed by the illegal operation to retrieve their bodies from the underwater grave 130 metres deep.

Only the dead see the end of war

Australian journalist Michael Ware was in Iraq during the 2003 war and he documented it the best he could. And sure enough, it gets extremely close, so close that it gets disturbing as fuck. Enough an unbiased film of the shitty war as well.

No peace for the wicked

I've been wanting to see the original Insomnia - the Norwegian production - for a very long time. So long in fact that I'd forgotten its existence. Gladly and unexpectedly I caught it from the telly. Christopher Nolan did the remake starring Al Pacino, Robin Williams and Hilary Swank, and it's almost as good as this one, unless I haven't forgotten that one also.

King of Helsinki

I like watching music documentaries regardless I like the actual band or performer. Knucklebound Oscar, Helsinki-based psycho-blues band, is heavily personified on the singer-songwriter Knuclebone Oscar who has some temperament issues particularly when he's fired up on adrenaline playing a concert. Otherwise this is just like the others, bunch of musicians drinking booze and getting drunk.

My loneliness is killing me now

This shit has been done a million times. Zombie outbreak and survivors are fighting back, some people going absolutely mental.

Double-checking the western regions

I am not a Star Wars follower. I don't get its magic nor I understand the craziness of its fandom. They've been good movies. But that's not a religion to me. I'm not quite up to date in which order they are churning out these features. Not that I care. I deal it all as an entertainment and witness them solely as watchable movies. Even though The Force Awakens brought back most of the relics of the yesteryear such as Chewbacca, Princess Leia, R2-D2, the lightsaber battles, stormtroopers and Harrison Ford, I don't need to kneel down and jerk off in the honour of the legacy of SW.

Retaliate violence with violence

Allegedly this is a true story of a wanna-be mass murderer. And allegedly the narrator of the movie actually is him. Childhood trauma and continuous bullying at various schools drove him to contemplate killing people in numerous proportions. An interesting feature, also a quick rundown and reminder of the most recent mass murders in western society.

Irish spring

I have no idea how this show is received anywhere, but it's one of my recent favourites. Ray - a true Los Angeles kingpin and powerhouse - is a figure you don't fuck about too much. The show is rich in characters and it's perfectly built gritty drama.

Never lose control

A family of three has escaped inside an underground bunker living off with cans of beans and peaches. The outside world is either gone extinct or inhabited by some vile creatures called "breathers". Thereon it's just guessing what the fuck is going on.

Puta madre

Two homicide detectives investigate the disappearance of two girls somewhere in Spain's swamplands. It's all quite moody the atmosphere, quite brooding at the same time, and the swamp people are weird and enigmatic. Sometimes I interpreted it as boring, but that's probably just me.

Most people fucking hate poetry

It is a little annoying that I don't know how the banking business operates exactly. Most of the jargon was just gibberish to me. Gladly decent, borderline great, acting made the financial crisis of 2007-08 look authentic. Still, nominated for the Best Motion Picture of the Year, give me a fucking break.

In the heart of American dream

A heist comedy or something. Nicolas Cage and Elijah Wood as beat cops. Haven't seen such an unimaginative writing for a very long time.

When skies are grey

Joonas Berghäll's previous Miesten vuoro (Steam of Life) (2010) was one of the greatest emotional rollercoasters released on film. Despite few daunting pieces, this is of more uplifting nature, Miesten vuoro focused on hardship of Finnish men whereas this celebrates the greatness of mothers. And the hard work of being a mother. Shot in Nepal, Finland, France, Mexico, Portugal, United States, Great Britain, Russia and space.

Intellectuals have no taste

A colourful group of people are staying at a spa somewhere in the Swiss mountains enjoying each others' company. There's a retired composer (Michael Caine), a movie director (Harvey Keitel) and his crew, an actor (Paul Dano), a levitating monk, Diego Maradona and others. Here people muse a lot, ponder over life and death and human relations. It doesn't really go anywhere the movie, it's just there, a thought-provoking piece, but it's absolutely stellar looking.

Done the dying already

Not dissing it because everyone else is digging it. No. In fact, a good movie, a very watchable little fucker. But worth every word of commendation and awards? No. Definitely not. And it's not the idle and quiet moments in the 2:30 hours flick, no, quite the opposite. The most talked about scenes, the so called frenzied gruesome ones, to me, seemed superimposed as fuck. When it comes to the actual movie itself, the story and writing and acting, it's just average ok. That's it. Compared, for instance, to another blockbuster that was released around the same time, The Hateful Eight, the difference is enormous, to Tarantino's favour.