The way of the flesh

They're shipping violent criminals from The Philippines to South Korea and the prisoners are trying to get control of the ship. They soon however have a common enemy, someone or something called Alpha, in the ship. And it turns bloody and ugly. Too bad it's the only thing Kim Hong Sun's Project Wolf Hunting has to offer. 

Bad girls burn in hell

Burglars looking for gold coins find imprisoned people on the basement of the derelict building and become trapped themselves! Wes Craven's low budget ($6.0 million) 1991 film is a cool horror thriller, Everett McGill and Wendy Robie are brilliant house owner crazies and the story, truly bizarre and offbeat, is unique.

Life is like a parody of your favorite song

A parody biopic of "Weird Al" Yankovich, a comedy musician best known for his polka medleys and parody songs. Comedy music is hard to see as a music genre and it's only fun while it lasts. This movie though, it's written well and the tone and approach of its comedy is refreshing and quite clever. Daniel Radcliffe as Weird Al is absolutely great and familiar faces such as Conan O'Brien (as Andy Warhol), Jack Black (as Wolfman Jack), Josh Groban, Patton Oswalt and Will Forte, even if briefly, kept popping us as guests. Brilliantly fictionalized biopic of a parody artist.

Thunderbird in the sky

Set in the Comanche Nation 300 years ago, a young warrior girl fights against a predator that landed on Earth. The highly evolved alien with a technically advanced arsenal seem like an infeasible adversary for the Native Americans equipped with bows and arrows. But the girl, Naru, is a resilient little combatant. The Predator franchise yet with another follow-up and where it’s not wholly bad, it’s rather predictable and not very exciting.

Endless forms most torturous

To cure his cancer, a sick and desperate John Kramer travels to Mexico for a risky and experimental medical treatment and procedure. However, the entire operation is a scam. So John turns the tables on the con artists and it’s a payback time! And he has new tricks up in his torture sleeve! Saw X, by Kevin Greutert, is one of the best movies in the Saw franchise, probably the best since the original (2004).

A vague terror crept from the darkness

Miller (Nicolas Cage) wants to hunt down all the buffaloes and sell their hives. He's obsessed with his profession really. Lost his mind with the shit. He's led his posse far from any civilization to senselessly slaughter as many animals as possible, but surviving in the wilderness is a bitch. One of those movies that you are waiting something to happen, but nothing really does. Based on the acclaimed novel by John Williams.

Every murderer is someone's old friend

Long ago lost his faith, the retired rational thinking detective Poirot is invited into a séance. It takes place in Venice where, as the saying goes, every house is haunted. Or cursed. Soon the detective is wrapped in a case of a dead young girl, believed drowned. And fresh corpses make another mystery. Yet again another of one Sir Kenneth Branagh's Agatha Christie adaptations and even if it's nothing overly spectacular, it's a fun ride.

Digging a hole with your name

A man with no brains (they call him Airhead) and a profligate undertaker with a gambling problem venture into a business of carrying corpses of the game of Russian Roulette, a real life (or death) game streamed online. The story alone of the heartless and the brainless is worth a thousand applause. Great black comedy to boot. Finnish movie written and directed by Teemu Nikki, starring Pekka Strang, Jari Virman, Elina Knihtilä and Hannamaija Nikander.

Death to the holy

Quite lost in the The Nun and The Conjuring franchise. They are pretty cool scary pictures on their own right, but I don’t have the patience or the interest to follow the big picture. The Nun II, by Michael Chaves, is a follow-up to the gothic horror we’ve enjoyed in the past. Set in 1956 France, people are shit-cared by demon nun Valak.

What comes singing, leaves whistling

A documentary film that focuses on ancient Finnish folklore and mythology. Ukonvaaja translates to The Hammer of Ukko. Musician, poet and household shaman A.W. Yrjänä guides us through the whole thing. Awkwardly narrow outlook on the subject, but quite entertaining still.

Just one little attitude problem

Sure as shit it’s crapped full of 80s naivety and it’s cringe-worthy now, but so are the most of the action movies of the yesteryear. Steven Seagal, Jackie Chan or Chuck Norris never pulled off such coolness as Sylvester Stallone in Cobra (1986) or in his other bits. Much like his pal Arnold Schwarzenegger, it’s not Mel Gibson or Bruce Willis or, god forbid, Clint Eastwood, but it’s worth your while. A strange murderous cult runs rampant in the city of Los Angeles and hard-as-nails Lieutenant Cobra stands in their way.

Dead man makes you realize time is short

For everyone who wants to get bored to shit. Given that it has an almost endless number of A-List Hollywood actors (Christian Bale, Margot Robbie, Chris Rock, Michael Shannon, John David Washington, Mike Myers, Robert De Niro, Timothy Olyphant, Rami Malek, Zoe Saldana, Anya Taylor-Joy) with a merited director David O. Russell (American Hustle, Joy, The Fighter, Three Kings), Amsterdam is tedious beyond belief. It looks like a proper fucking film, but the endless and meaningless dialogues and introducing new people around every corner, it backfires big time. Nicked the worst bits of the Wes Anderson films, at best.

Handing out better days

Häiriötekijä, by Aleksi Salmenperä and the geniuses at professional theater group Q-teatteri, is just about the most wicked Finnish comedy film. A flabbergasting episodic piece that is disturbing and audacious. And diabolically funny.

Woe unto them that rise up early in the morning

Prob'ly my favorite Alfred Hitchcock movie ages ago. There's frightening birds killing humans and eating their fucking eyes out. However unlike majority of his movies, I'm afraid The Birds hasn't stood the test of time that well. Had it been done now, it would quite likely be ridiculed. It's not that very good. At least, not this time it was. Fond childhood memory sadly buried by history.

Coughing up smoke and ashes

A shitbag and a nutcase of a person stalks people horrifyingly and ends up murdering one also. Pretty good detective reasoning by the police in Lover, Stalker, Killer, but the filmmakers of the documentary couldn't really hide the secret, it was pretty clear who the stalker killer of the case was already from the beginning. Engaging and a pretty wicked true crime story still.

The sunset of life

A bearded Finnish hermit Hannu Rantala documents the endangered lynx. Lynx Man by Juha Suonpää is a heart-warming and both funny and mournful nature documentary. Besides the eccentric main character Hannu and his pals lynx, they capture the beauty of Finnish nature in all four seasons and it's diverse fauna.

Far from the Sun

Had it not been so predictable cliché-ridden cut, Richard Holm's Avgrunden would have been a fantastic Swedish catastrophe movie. It's still exciting and fairly interesting, but the outcome is desperately thin. A nice try though.

Sober as a desert rat

A wonderfully trademark Aki Kaurismäki film. Nothing happens and still just about everything happens at the same time. Unexplained laconic beauty. Comedy without jokes.

Anything in life worth doing is worth overdoing

One of the greatest combat movies no doubt. Peter Berg's Lone Survivor (2007) is a biographical war film set during the war in Afghanistan and where Navy SEALs are tracking down a Taliban leader (Operation Red Wings). The sheer brutality and horror of warfare is depicted so well that it's almost painful to watch. And when the end credits roll, it's harrowing to realize it's a true story you just witnessed.

Selling tickets to the gates of hell

Confusing and corny crime noir of everyone searching for a movie director who first was presumed dead then missing. Neil Jordan's Marlowe is pointless drivel.

The ones who make a brighter day

A captivating and comprehensive journey through musical history even though it revolves around one song only. In the footsteps of Live Aid, American musicians gathered in Los Angeles to record a charity single "We Are the World" for African famine relief. Lionel Ritchie, Michael Jackson, Stevie Wonder and Quincy Jones orchestrate a group of popular singers such as Bruce Springsteen, Cyndi Lauper, Harry Belafonte, Bob Dylan, Billy Joel, Huey Lewis, Willie Nelson, Ray Charles, Kenny Rogers, Diana Ross and Dionne Warwick.

First class is full

Ridiculous but entertaining. The simplicity in Jalmari Helander's Big Game (2014) old-school action is captivating. The story is focused on the President of the United States (Samuel L. Jackson) who is the target of an attack. He's left to survive in weirdly unnatural mountains of Finland aided by Oskari (Onni Tommila), a Finnish lad, another key figure, trying to prove himself as a hunter. Innocent and truly delightful fun.

Black stones coming down

A 3-episode documentary of a couple accused of staging a burglary and kidnapping. The first two episodes in and the show makes them look like suspects. Viewers treat them like liars looking for attention and money. Back then everyone thought it was a hoax and a wild goose chase to begin with. In the end, American Nightmare by Bernadette Higgins and Felicity Morris is just reality crime of bad police investigation, courtesy of Vallejo Police Department.

The smallest error could prove fatal

1943, France is under Nazi occupation. The French Resistance fighters are locked in prisons. Oftentimes executed. Fontaine (François Leterrier) figures he can't remain incarcerated, so he must plan an extraordinary escape. Robert Presson's (who himself had been a prisoner of war during WWII) A Man Escaped (Un condamné à mort s’est échappé ou Le vent souffle où il veut) is a nail-biting classic. Based on a true story.

The job's done and the bitch is dead

A James Bond movie directed by Martin Campbell in 2006, starring Daniel Craig as the agent 007, Eva Green as the Bond girl Vesper Lynd, Judi Dench as Bond's superior 'M" (the head of M16) and Mads Mikkelsen as the main antagonist Le Chiffre. Theme song You Know My Name performed by Chris Cornell. Le Chiffre is a banker to the world's terrorists and he is playing in a poker game at Montenegro, where he must win back his money, in order to stay safe amongst the terrorist market. And James Bond attends the game.

Selling holy water in gallon jugs

One of those things. When the last episode of the last season finished, you already miss the damn thing. I seriously contemplated of starting the show immediately all over again. Nothing beats The Sopranos (1999-2007).