Humanity is the next asteroid

I hate it. Hate the fucking Chinese animal markets selling cats and dogs for food, shark fins for soup, fucking manta ray gills as mumbo-jumbo medicine. Fuck Japan and Norway and all those fucking dwarf nations killing endangered species. Fucking hate humans for polluting the earth, killing animals for fun, killing them extinct (600 species each year), absolute scum of the earth. I hate myself for being a fucking hypocrite. It's a relief we're gone very soon. We are a disgrace.

Endless stream of trainwrecks

My expectations were too high because everyone kept saying Deadpool is the badass superhero movie of the year. The action sequences, granted, were outstanding, but their scarcity amazed me. The dialogue, the funny talk, it wasn't that hilarious and vulgar really. So, I was left waiting for more, the only truly intense scenes were at the beginning and in the end of the movie.

Refusing to die

Little girl was abused and tortured for science in the past, but give her few years and she's all vengeful and prospers to massacre everyone that comes her way. I don't know why I fucking bother to watch these bullshit horror flicks even if I know they are going to suck in the end and only just make me terribly stupid in the head.

Kandahar rocks in May

Barry Levinson (Good Morning Vietnam, Rainman, Wag the Dog) directs and Bill Murray stars. I bet they thought it was enough to put the fucking funny guy in such a diverse cultural environment as Kabul, Afghanistan, and people would automatically burst into laughter. Backfires like a motherfucker.

Failed the living for the dead

Hungarian Saul Ausländer and his pals are deployed as workers ("Sonderkommandos") ushering fellow jews into gas chambers, collecting their valuables for the nazis, burning the bodies and tossing the ashes into a river. Never told, but apparently it all is taking place at Auschwitz, but anyways it's extremely well executed the whole final holocaust -thing, in all its mindless brutality and complexity of evil.

Bet on the outnumbered guy

I don't hate 'em, but I don't like them either, these movies that are like constantly wrapped in some sort of pseudo-intellectual riddle. Most cases (this one included), it's just wishy-washy hipster bullshit.

Dots a lot closer together

Two old mates bonding trip on a 'scenic route' through the desert has a promising start until, gradually, everything is falling into pieces. A fresh, somewhat hilarious, thriller that doesn't necessarily give a lasting impression, but good fuckin' popcorn all the same.

Devil's chief engineer

Not cut to my preferences a movie of a bit of a stubborn prick of a computer whiz-kid who swam in the ashes of the bridges he burnt, but to witness a couple of dialogues between Michael Fassbender and Jeff Daniels was almost worth all the fucking boredom.

Dipped in honey

Just can't do the math. I mean, decent enough a cast of actors (Thomas Jane, James Marsden, Billy Bob Thornton) somehow fail to do anything to save this film. There's this grizzly bear hunting down bootleg cutters, poachers, everyone trodding about in the woods, even fellow bears, and everything is just catastrophically fucked to shit.

Into places hostile to human beings

"Two Finnish men have died in a diving accident in northern Norway" - I remember the headlines. A group of Finnish divers has a harrowing tale to share of their diving expedition in Norway. In fact, two expeditions. Firstly, when the deaths of their mates occured, followed by the illegal operation to retrieve their bodies from the underwater grave 130 metres deep.

Only the dead see the end of war

Australian journalist Michael Ware was in Iraq during the 2003 war and he documented it the best he could. And sure enough, it gets extremely close, so close that it gets disturbing as fuck. Enough an unbiased film of the shitty war as well.

No peace for the wicked

I've been wanting to see the original Insomnia - the Norwegian production - for a very long time. So long in fact that I'd forgotten its existence. Gladly and unexpectedly I caught it from the telly. Christopher Nolan did the remake starring Al Pacino, Robin Williams and Hilary Swank, and it's almost as good as this one, unless I haven't forgotten that one also.

King of Helsinki

I like watching music documentaries regardless I like the actual band or performer. Knucklebound Oscar, Helsinki-based psycho-blues band, is heavily personified on the singer-songwriter Knuclebone Oscar who has some temperament issues particularly when he's fired up on adrenaline playing a concert. Otherwise this is just like the others, bunch of musicians drinking booze and getting drunk.

My loneliness is killing me now

This shit has been done a million times. Zombie outbreak and survivors are fighting back, some people going absolutely mental.

Double-checking the western regions

I am not a Star Wars follower. I don't get its magic nor I understand the craziness of its fandom. They've been good movies. But that's not a religion to me. I'm not quite up to date in which order they are churning out these features. Not that I care. I deal it all as an entertainment and witness them solely as watchable movies. Even though The Force Awakens brought back most of the relics of the yesteryear such as Chewbacca, Princess Leia, R2-D2, the lightsaber battles, stormtroopers and Harrison Ford, I don't need to kneel down and jerk off in the honour of the legacy of SW.

Retaliate violence with violence

Allegedly this is a true story of a wanna-be mass murderer. And allegedly the narrator of the movie actually is him. Childhood trauma and continuous bullying at various schools drove him to contemplate killing people in numerous proportions. An interesting feature, also a quick rundown and reminder of the most recent mass murders in western society.

Irish spring

I have no idea how this show is received anywhere, but it's one of my recent favourites. Ray - a true Los Angeles kingpin and powerhouse - is a figure you don't fuck about too much. The show is rich in characters and it's perfectly built gritty drama.

Never lose control

A family of three has escaped inside an underground bunker living off with cans of beans and peaches. The outside world is either gone extinct or inhabited by some vile creatures called "breathers". Thereon it's just guessing what the fuck is going on.

Puta madre

Two homicide detectives investigate the disappearance of two girls somewhere in Spain's swamplands. It's all quite moody the atmosphere, quite brooding at the same time, and the swamp people are weird and enigmatic. Sometimes I interpreted it as boring, but that's probably just me.

Most people fucking hate poetry

It is a little annoying that I don't know how the banking business operates exactly. Most of the jargon was just gibberish to me. Gladly decent, borderline great, acting made the financial crisis of 2007-08 look authentic. Still, nominated for the Best Motion Picture of the Year, give me a fucking break.

In the heart of American dream

A heist comedy or something. Nicolas Cage and Elijah Wood as beat cops. Haven't seen such an unimaginative writing for a very long time.

When skies are grey

Joonas Berghäll's previous Miesten vuoro (Steam of Life) (2010) was one of the greatest emotional rollercoasters released on film. Despite few daunting pieces, this is of more uplifting nature, Miesten vuoro focused on hardship of Finnish men whereas this celebrates the greatness of mothers. And the hard work of being a mother. Shot in Nepal, Finland, France, Mexico, Portugal, United States, Great Britain, Russia and space.

Intellectuals have no taste

A colourful group of people are staying at a spa somewhere in the Swiss mountains enjoying each others' company. There's a retired composer (Michael Caine), a movie director (Harvey Keitel) and his crew, an actor (Paul Dano), a levitating monk, Diego Maradona and others. Here people muse a lot, ponder over life and death and human relations. It doesn't really go anywhere the movie, it's just there, a thought-provoking piece, but it's absolutely stellar looking.

Done the dying already

Not dissing it because everyone else is digging it. No. In fact, a good movie, a very watchable little fucker. But worth every word of commendation and awards? No. Definitely not. And it's not the idle and quiet moments in the 2:30 hours flick, no, quite the opposite. The most talked about scenes, the so called frenzied gruesome ones, to me, seemed superimposed as fuck. When it comes to the actual movie itself, the story and writing and acting, it's just average ok. That's it. Compared, for instance, to another blockbuster that was released around the same time, The Hateful Eight, the difference is enormous, to Tarantino's favour.