Just a thing to remove

Bobby (Denzel Washington) keeps the neighbourhood safe. Of course he does because he's like an ex-commando or super soldier or phantom avanger. Russian mafia, even spetsnaz, weep in tears.

The only way out is down

Underneath the city of Paris is a jungle of catacombs. Crazy people roam about its corridors and it's decorated with millions of human bones, occasional cars, phones and pianos, but the urban Indiana Joneses are only after the Philosopher's Stone that holds the secret to ancient alchemy.

Shined up a wooden nickel

As soon as this movie was set in motion, I knew exactly what was up for grabs. Overlong tedious emotive fucker of three brothers and their recently widowed father with some manslaughtering issues. This garbage comes force-fed with stars out of their comfort zone and so called funny bits.

Encrypted beyond the reach of God

Niagara Police does its dearest to infiltrate and annihilate a pedophile ring. Apart from couple of not credible characters, plus, glaring and gaping pot holes, this movie did ok for a thriller.

You all will be damned

Hospital waste turns beavers into zombie mutants. Well, of course, this is shit as fuck, but I'm sure they had a full intention of making what they did, so that makes it alright I guess.

Get me an aluminium helmet

The thing is you can never tell with these autobiographies. I'm sure they all lie. This is only one bent version of the truth. I've already read some discerning stories in the internet. But I have always loved good stories and this is full of that stuff. It's Al Jourgensen's figure, his ins and outs with the drugs and his views on plethora of things. And I like his straightforwardness, he either loves people (Pearl Jam, Timothy Leary, Anthrax, William Burrougs, Kirk Hammett) or hates them (Robert Plant, Metallica except Kirk Hammett, Courtney Love, Ewan Dando, Fred Durst), he speaks his mind. It's up to you if you buy any of that stuff though.

Only the facts have been made up

Dear old Dr. Watson (Robert Duvall) lures Sherlock Holmes (Nicol Williamson) to Wien to see Dr. Sigmund Freud (Alan Arkin) to battle Holmes' cocaine addiction and they end up solving a kidnapping case. Probably well-received the year (1976) it was released, but time has hammered it to shit.

Killers kill. They don't heal.

There's a serial killer on the loose somewhere in the Fargo territory. The deductive reasoning, police procedures and investigations are nicked from all the cop shows and movies out there. And the religious theme just emphasizes the commonness. So all in all, a pretentious and clichéd little thing with cardboard characters.

Just a little stoned

With movies like this I kind of understand why some people are so hyped up on East Asian cinema. As if they can't live without kung-fu, or other magical treats of martial arts, sword-wielding samurais or gun-toting yakuza.

You. Fucking. Bitch.

Amazing missing Amy. Disappeared. Probably murdered. David Fincher's two and half hours' thriller and, said it earlier, I quite like his style a lot and this story is particularly insane. Not much is missing. Besides Amy, of course.

In blackness they mourn

The oldest story in the book. Backpackers holiday turn to shit. Here four Spanish friends venture into a cave and get lost. A claustrophobic little fucker with reminiscences of Descent albeit free of demons of hell, but nonetheless equal chances for survival.

Unstable and tumultous neighbour

Season # 2 of Vikings. It dawned on me during the final scene of the season that it's, funny enough, closest thing to the fucking Sopranos. A compliment of the highest order.

Reindeer herder in Rhodes

Usually a no-profit gamble when it comes to Finnish movies, but thanks to outstanding actors and twisted low-key humour, this thriller - clocking thankfully in only 70 minutes - had a good thing going with its aging wanna-be rock'n'roll stars and their body dumbing issues.

If you got the picture, framer

There's something fishy in the seemingly standard breaking and entering bullet through the head case. Of all people, Michael C. Hall, Sam Shepard and Don Johnson team up and unravel the plotholed case.

Like a branch on the banks of a raging river

The Seinfeld box (Seasons 1-9, 1989-1998) is like a household item. It's there. You use it because you have to use it. This time 'round I picked up the season 3.

Blinding people with science

Sometimes you crack up, sometimes you are more or less ashamed of cracking up and oftentimes you just stare dumbfounded at the stupidity of things. Sporadic laughs. Occasional fun. Drive-in junkfood comedy whatever.

Blowing up moons

I do not understand sci-fi jargon. Xandos, Groot, Ravagers, Terra, Nebula, Star-Lord, Drax The Destroyer, Necrocraft, Knowhere Colony and Yondu Udonta probably are the source of hard on for lots, but I don't speak the language. But this movie was great fucking fun with lots and lots of cool wacky characters. Something like the first Star Wars film and the Borderlands game combined.

Ignorance brings chaos

What if you could gain a full access to your brain instead of the urban myth 10 %. Lucy (Scarlett Johansson) is doped out of her mind and holds the keys to the universe at her fingertips. Wacky speculative fucker, but entertaining all the same.

Monster if you behave like one

I'd like to hear how the grown men, Aaron Eckhart and Bill Nighy, explain this fantasy trip to their peers. Victor Frankenstein's monsters and demons and fucking gargoyles on full-on battle in the modern day city of somewhere. Looking terribly good in the worst movie of the year category; we have Legend of Hercules and Left Behind, and now this piece of shit. And I haven't even seen Gallowwalkers yet.

In the midst of death

Liam Neeson. A movie genre of its own. This time around Liam is Matt Scudder, an alcoholic private dick from Lawrence Block's cool novels. And if you stand on his way, he beats you to pulp.