The covenant with death

Never explained the reason, but the world population has dropped in drastic proportions and the survivors would live off the land with ease unless they weren't at each others throats all the time. Awfully silent bunch the chosen survivors, making the end of the world needlessly boring.

Da Vinci from Brooklyn

Didn't I just a while back watch a perfectly cool documentary feature of Bobby Fischer, the eccentric chess master? Even if Tobey Maguire does the best role of his career so far and the rest of the main cast (Liev Schreiber as Bobby's nemesis Boris Spassky, Michael Stuhlbarg and Peter Sarsgaard as the assistants) are excellent as well, this has rather little to offer. After all, it's just an arrogant brilliant mind and a game of chess.

Deep darkies in a cave

When mommy's away, two siblings go to visit their grandparents for the first time. Turns out that nanna and pappa aren't quite right in their heads. A bit funny this, lots better than the shite M. Night Shyamalan has churned out in recent years.

Strictly criminal

We can end speculations that Johnny Depp is losing his talent. His role as James 'Whitey' Bulger - ruthless real time gangster in Boston - oozes wrath, craziness and utter evil. The movie - one of the best in recent years - depicts the Boston underworld better than its close predecessors The Town, What Doesn't Kill You, Gone Baby Gone and Mystic River. It has an authentic vibe to it and as a mafia movie ranks among the very best.

Desert takes children

Somewhere in the Australian outback, in the red sand district, two children goes missing. And people try to find them. This was quite an embarrassingly boring movie to tell the truth. Funniest and craziest thing is the 10/10 review in IMDB that must have been written by one of the production members or the director herself.

Grief is new

This has a bit of Groundhog Day and Memento feel to it. Christine (Nicole Kidman) is a 40 year old amnesiac. Every time she wakes up in the morning, her memory has been erased, but with a help of a video diary, her husband (Colin Firth) and shrink (Mark Strong) she begins to understand her past. In fact, a complicated, mysterious and thrilling puzzle begins to unravel. Flawed, but alright.

The past is asking something

An Austrian born lady fights for her rights on a family painting snatched by the nazis in WWII. The legal battle that ensues is rather uncomplicated and dull, and it's not only Helen Mirren's overacting, it's also Ryan Reynolds' emotionless presence that are almost quite too painful to watch.

The carrots are cooked

Well, no matter how well it is executed; the cinematography, the acting, everything, it still is a very thin and an empty story. French Philippe Petit wants to tightrope between the WTC twin towers and that's all there is to it. Sure enough, it's spiced as much as humanly possible, but in the end the vast majority of the drama and suspense and laughs had terribly constrained feel to it. Lots of the movies based on a true story battle with the same dilemma.

Not every revolutionary situation leads to revolution

I recently watched from TV the series where Ville Haapasalo - a Finnish actor who is enormously well-known in Russia - traveled the river Volga for 30 days. And I'm currently following his new series where he travels the Caribbean for, you guessed it, 30 days. Decided to take his first travel series from the library where he, by train, goes across the great nation of Russia (in 30 days). Besides being educative and funny, it's eye-opening in many ways.

Too strong to break up

I didn't play it all the way through. I left it before completing the so called final battle. I tried it a few times, but, as often, I didn't have the patience to try the same thing over and over again, so I retired. Satisfied with the, say, 95 % completion. Needless to say, I liked it.

The sad dog strategy

I like Will Ferrell, his persona and his take on humour. Without him, these comedies were sacks of shit.

Escapades are extremely bad idea

Not exactly the perfect husband and dad, Cam Stuart (Mark Ruffalo), he's a chain-smoking manic depressive, but gets the job done, more or less. A bit slow-burner, but one of those feel-good movies you can't be fucking bothered to criticize that much.

No frontiers left to conquer

The world is atomfucked, but botanist Freeman Lowell (Bruce Dern) and his crew preserve trees and plants in their spacecrafts. Upon the orders to destroy the orchards for commercial purposes, Lowell gets mad angry and crafts some plans of his own. Finished in 1972, so obviously the scifi tech looks funky and silly, yet in the end that's the only thing you really want to see in this movie.

Humbug Street 6

It's a bit deranged and weird, but, damn, it's ultimately fucking funny. Probably the only Finnish comedy (consists of short stories) in the last decade that made me laugh. Great acting to boot.

Pope shits in the woods

If you hit-and-run a bigfoot, you better be prepared to deal with the consequences. In the Sasquatch land five Texan friends tread in dangerous waters and a cabin in the woods is a not a safe enough fortress. Clichéd horror shit.

Born for greatness

It was a bit surprising for me how little I knew of the greatest boxer of all time, Cassius Clay aka Muhammad Ali. Despite being an informative fucker, the documentary was great otherwise as well. At least, the people close to him (his children, manager, the rivals, Tom Jones, et al.) had their say, and, I reckon, he is loved by all.

Rap is no art

More or less an autobiographical take on NWA, a group of L.A. gangsta rappers from the late 80s to early 90s. I don't necessarily need to like the 'music' - which I don't - but I can see the importance what their rise to fame did to the freedom of speech in the particularly tumultuous times in California. In every other aspect, this is ridiculously overrated a movie.

From girls to women

Someone said it exceptionally well that this is 'soulless crap'.

Two is the perfect number

Romantic drama with a serious undertone or something of that nature. Fucklots away from my comfort zone, but the interesting cast was enough to give it a go. Russell Crowe is a reknowned author and a widowed father suffering from mental issues and custody battle. So, yes, emotional bullshit written all over it.

Ghosts are real

Guillermo de Toro paints a splendid motion picture. Crimson Peak is Gothic horror with utterly colourful visualization and the wardrobe department is funky as hell, but story is a bit of a shallow and boring kind.

Heart skips a beat

Bit of a leeway the last two episodes but otherwise outstanding British crime drama. Petty drug dealers opt to try out their talent in kidnapping business and things go fucking sour.

Stay human

If there is an average zombie movie, it's this fucker right here. Except for new ways to kill the living dead, it's trademark rubbish. Based on a video game.

Light of the moon

1944. Poland is preparing for uprising against its German invaders. A Polish film and even though it seems somewhat budget-limited in general terms, it has some utterly powerful scenes that boosts its character and the craziness of war is well brought out.

This ain't fucking playstation

Major Thomas Egan (Ethan Hawke) is a soldier in Las Vegas, Nevada, operating a drone that bombs Talebans in Afghanistan to kingdom come. He's a pilot, but he's not flying. Probably not the most exciting way of warfare, but he gets to job done, and then some. The absurdity of the fairly new way of combat and the collateral damage within are the reasons why the major is feeling unwell. It's a though-provoking piece, but not powerfully enough executed.

The ladder to success

Three bright students try to make do in Inglewood, California, where life revolves around drugs and gang violence. They unwillingly get involved with the bad guys, so end up from one adventure to another eventually finding the whole shit enticing and lucrative. I reckon it was well received, the movie, I barely made it through.

All become green

Young prosecutor finds out that Auschwitz wasn't an amusement park and Dr. Josef Mengele was one of the sickest motherfuckers ever faced the earth. It all comes news to him, it's the late 50s, the scars haven't been healed in Germany, albeit being a sensitive subject he intends to imprison all the former members of the nazi party still walking free. Based on the 1963 'Auschwitz Trial', so at least it was somewhat eye-opening the whole thing.

Bumper to bumber on the Hillary Steps

Based on a true story (1996 Mount Everest disaster) where eight people lost their lives. I already read that the dramatization is total bull, but can't be surprised. This is your next Hollywood catastrophe popcorn with major stars, but, as often, it has so little to offer otherwise.

Death waits no man

Didn't make as strong an impact as the previous two seasons. For one, they introduced us to lots of new characters who, I'm afraid, were portrayed by actors who struggled with their profession. Also, the season was infested with surprisingly idle moments and rather useless sidestories (i.e. Gods on earth) and zigzagging in between Kattegat, Wessex and Paris was perhaps too adventurous and audacious.

Where the city starts and the suburbs end

The recipe for good horror is a brooding atmosphere - as if something remarkably sinister is about to happen at the next second - and this is full of that shit. It Follows is perfectly old school with the ominous music (as a tribute to John Carpenter, I'm sure) and an eerie visual approach. The story is as wacko and corny it can be, passing a curse (someone is following you all the time) by fucking a stranger, but just proves that done exactly right, you don't need a proper storyline to create chills.

Science the shit out of situation

Andy Weir's novel The Martian was an amazingly cool read. They have done well here, with the movie. Matt Damon does a great Mark Watney, a funny and witty astronaut lost in Mars. And Ridley Scott directs with perfection. I missed the details that were scrutinized and ripped up in the book, but it's obvious they can't do it all in a motion picture. One of the best movies this year, no doubt.

Bumper cars with the dead folks

I expected a fucking much worse to be honest. This time around the labyrinth teens (of every race & colour in perfect Hollywood quota) have to deal with evil zombies snatched up from every imaginable horror console games and there are human tribes who want to do them harm as well. It's alright, unexplained things dropped out of nowhere here and there and there's action without much thought, but alright all the same.

Monogamy isn't realistic

Apparently Amy Schumer is a famous stand-up comedian. And now she has done a feature film. Never seen any of her acts, hell, hadn't heard of her before and quite frankly she ain't much of an actress. This movie either, it isn't really anything but a thin storyline with a plethora of jokes and a romantic set-up put together. Not funny. Not nothing.

We age in dog years

The annual Poltergeist remake. A family of five movies into a new home and the parents can't see the obvious signs of ghost infestation and things happen when it's too late. And the kids should be batshit crazy of all the horrors and the department of paranormal activity is as baffled (and soaked in idiocy) as the rest of them. Contemporary horror bullshit.

Pocket symphony to God

Based on the life of Brian Wilson of The Beach Boys. As a paranoid schizophrenic he's the perfect poster boy for a movie script. Paul Dano and John Cusack (the former really sinking into the role, the latter merely acting) are doing an excellent job portraying this genious, eccentric and manic-depressive out of his mind figure and Paul Giamatti supports as a manipulative ("moro loco than Brian") doctor. Overall, the California vibrations, drugs, music and hallucinations put fucken well together.

Bandages on bullet holes

Not one of those TV series that will be watched over and over again, but got my attention well enough. And anyways, I'm a fan of the author Michael Connelly's Hieronymous Bosch novels that this show is based on, so naturally I'm interested. It was like watching a very well written novel - two novels at that - and, albeit a tad typical police procedure thing, it's all around quality.

Frozen in everlasting nuclear winter

Never explained, but I gathered here that the world has been atomfucked with handful of Mad Max -type people surving and they are stuck in some kind of handicapped Eighties. It's retro this and retro that, Kung Fury did it a million times better.

Just the right kind of crazy

Apparently they need the so called "heavy water" to build a neutron bomb. A group of Norwegian partisans - aided by the British - try to stop the production of this holy water, whereas scientist Werner Heisenberg is splitting atoms and minds in German atomic program. A six-episode TV series (original title Kampen om tungtvannet) that I watched in one day because it was so fucken interesting.

In the grip of heaven

What was this shit? The biggest shenanigan of the century masqueraded as a movie? A frustratingly tedious Finnish drama comedy wagging its own tail. Aki's brother Mika Kaurismäki merely reminiscing the days how it felt to be a director of a motion picture.

Sleep well, Napoleon

There's no two ways about it, Guy Ritchie is one of the finest directors of his generation. He - on a par with Tarantino - hasn't, for one, directed a flop movie and his style is recognizable. It's smooth, it's stylish and witty and it's fucken lot entertaining. And it's all here. Set in the Cold War Europe (Berlin - Rome), a wonderful espionage thriller that holds no barrels when it comes to good laughs and proper action.

Don't take your love to town

American family of four is in serious danger in Cambodia or some unnamed Asian country. They are caught up in a middle of a revolution and that's why running away from bullets is their only option. It's high-octaine action and in engulfing chaos everything is left hopelessly unexplained. Not one of those movies you'd expect Owen Wilson to see. Funny thing, the first 15 minutes of this movie, you'd think it was one of his stupid and silly comedies, but the rest of the film is quite the opposite.

Fucked if I know

Two backpackers get lost in the bear country and that's not exactly the breath of fresh air and getting engaged trip they had in mind. Things weren't so agonizing and frightening if Jenn and Alex weren't so stupid, but that how things roll sometimes.

Running through a shadowed place

Heroin and jazz collide in a derelict apartment building in the early 70s Los Angeles and a young girl looks amazed at the adult debauchery. The lead stars John Hawkes (Deadwood) and Elle Fanning try to save the slow-moving storytelling and they are supported by people like Flea (Red Hot Chili Peppers), Glenn Glose and Peter Dinklage (Game of Thrones). Great acting, but can't help it, it's still boring as shit.

Lay this body down

A Finnish movie and it stumbles the same trademark sins as the rest of them. And even if the cinematography and the sound department are quite close to international level, it's all fucked up to death by nerve-shattering dialogue and, frankly, bad acting.

People that sit on the sand

Six Argentinian short films. I tried to find out the connection - or underlying theme - between them and "retribution" was all I could muster. Be it as it may, this was one of the greatest positive surprises of the year.

The absolute end of civilization

The L.A. screenwriter of "Paradise Misplaced" takes a teaching assignment in the university of a small town of Binghamton, New York. However his unorthodox way of teaching ain't what the town signed up for, so the comedy lies therein. A trademark Hugh Grant movie.

A steel-jacketed anti-depressant right in the back of the head

The honest to fuck truth is that The Sopranos probably is the best television series ever produced. I put the first season in the player and, once again, it fucken amazed me. Best shit.

If you are worried, you are hurried

A wanna-be author finds a shortcut to fame by stealing someone else's words and all hell breaks loose. A pretty exciting French neo-noir thriller. A simple enough a crime thing, told intriguingly, lots of hair-raising scenes, I'd see more of these, if there were any.

A living manifestation of destiny

Ethan Hunt is in exile. Meanwhile his organization (IMF) has been shut down and Hunt's hunt for evil organization called Syndicate is put to ice. But not quite because even if CIA has taken responsibility for global peace, the clever Ethan is pulling the ropes and is a step ahead of everybody. The pursue of Syndicate is never laid to rest in fact. Can't really hate this silly thing. Guaranteed full-blown action.

Growing up with a cloud of murder

Jeff Lang (Tobey Maguire) is in a bind because of a lunatic of a neighbour, raccoons terrorizing his lawn, his family, his friends and lovers, and internet porn. A black comedy that tries its dearest, but doesn't really go anywhere.

One town, so many scumbags

I had heard absolutely nothing of this series beforehand. All the actors (shy of Ulrich Thomsen) were unknown faces as well. I picked it up solely because of good ratings. And it sure is very good. It's built upon a small town (Banshee) that is suddenly exposed to lots of violence and deaths, stunningly lustrous bodies of women, gangster shit and all sort of indecency in general. Oftentimes series of this kind loose their grip in time, but let's keep the hopes up with this one.