Just the right kind of crazy

Apparently they need the so called "heavy water" to build a neutron bomb. A group of Norwegian partisans - aided by the British - try to stop the production of this holy water, whereas scientist Werner Heisenberg is splitting atoms and minds in German atomic program. A six-episode TV series (original title Kampen om tungtvannet) that I watched in one day because it was so fucken interesting.

In the grip of heaven

What was this shit? The biggest shenanigan of the century masqueraded as a movie? A frustratingly tedious Finnish drama comedy wagging its own tail. Aki's brother Mika Kaurismäki merely reminiscing the days how it felt to be a director of a motion picture.

Sleep well, Napoleon

There's no two ways about it, Guy Ritchie is one of the finest directors of his generation. He - on a par with Tarantino - hasn't, for one, directed a flop movie and his style is recognizable. It's smooth, it's stylish and witty and it's fucken lot entertaining. And it's all here. Set in the Cold War Europe (Berlin - Rome), a wonderful espionage thriller that holds no barrels when it comes to good laughs and proper action.

Don't take your love to town

American family of four is in serious danger in Cambodia or some unnamed Asian country. They are caught up in a middle of a revolution and that's why running away from bullets is their only option. It's high-octaine action and in engulfing chaos everything is left hopelessly unexplained. Not one of those movies you'd expect Owen Wilson to see. Funny thing, the first 15 minutes of this movie, you'd think it was one of his stupid and silly comedies, but the rest of the film is quite the opposite.

Fucked if I know

Two backpackers get lost in the bear country and that's not exactly the breath of fresh air and getting engaged trip they had in mind. Things weren't so agonizing and frightening if Jenn and Alex weren't so stupid, but that how things roll sometimes.

Running through a shadowed place

Heroin and jazz collide in a derelict apartment building in the early 70s Los Angeles and a young girl looks amazed at the adult debauchery. The lead stars John Hawkes (Deadwood) and Elle Fanning try to save the slow-moving storytelling and they are supported by people like Flea (Red Hot Chili Peppers), Glenn Glose and Peter Dinklage (Game of Thrones). Great acting, but can't help it, it's still boring as shit.

Lay this body down

A Finnish movie and it stumbles the same trademark sins as the rest of them. And even if the cinematography and the sound department are quite close to international level, it's all fucked up to death by nerve-shattering dialogue and, frankly, bad acting.

People that sit on the sand

Six Argentinian short films. I tried to find out the connection - or underlying theme - between them and "retribution" was all I could muster. Be it as it may, this was one of the greatest positive surprises of the year.

The absolute end of civilization

The L.A. screenwriter of "Paradise Misplaced" takes a teaching assignment in the university of a small town of Binghamton, New York. However his unorthodox way of teaching ain't what the town signed up for, so the comedy lies therein. A trademark Hugh Grant movie.

A steel-jacketed anti-depressant right in the back of the head

The honest to fuck truth is that The Sopranos probably is the best television series ever produced. I put the first season in the player and, once again, it fucken amazed me. Best shit.

If you are worried, you are hurried

A wanna-be author finds a shortcut to fame by stealing someone else's words and all hell breaks loose. A pretty exciting French neo-noir thriller. A simple enough a crime thing, told intriguingly, lots of hair-raising scenes, I'd see more of these, if there were any.

A living manifestation of destiny

Ethan Hunt is in exile. Meanwhile his organization (IMF) has been shut down and Hunt's hunt for evil organization called Syndicate is put to ice. But not quite because even if CIA has taken responsibility for global peace, the clever Ethan is pulling the ropes and is a step ahead of everybody. The pursue of Syndicate is never laid to rest in fact. Can't really hate this silly thing. Guaranteed full-blown action.

Growing up with a cloud of murder

Jeff Lang (Tobey Maguire) is in a bind because of a lunatic of a neighbour, raccoons terrorizing his lawn, his family, his friends and lovers, and internet porn. A black comedy that tries its dearest, but doesn't really go anywhere.

One town, so many scumbags

I had heard absolutely nothing of this series beforehand. All the actors (shy of Ulrich Thomsen) were unknown faces as well. I picked it up solely because of good ratings. And it sure is very good. It's built upon a small town (Banshee) that is suddenly exposed to lots of violence and deaths, stunningly lustrous bodies of women, gangster shit and all sort of indecency in general. Oftentimes series of this kind loose their grip in time, but let's keep the hopes up with this one.

What a luxury to have a choice

I wasn't moved one way or the other with this one. Late 90th century Victorian England timepiece of a farm-owning lady and the men knocked out by her beauty. Rubbish really.

Relic from a deleted timeline

I probably am wrong about this, but I got the feeling that all the Terminator movies have told the same story over and over again. Never been a huge fan and the time travel business makes it all the more confusing.

Drilling prices

Nicolas Cage is a congressman Colin Pryce running for Senate. And it ain't a done deal if you can't keep your dick in your pants and choose to be booze-free. Ultimately this is a well-meaning environmentally aware piece set in Louisiana and it's spiced up with political persecution, minor misbehaviour and betrayal. A low-budget drama that Cage tries to keep afloat. Unfortunately just about the most boring film I've ever seen.

Cattle die, kinsmen die

This is the worst movie in motion picture history, yet it's still hysterically funny because everything, absolutely everything, is ridiculous beyond belief. I couldn't believe my eyes really. Minute after minute, scene after scene and wig after wig I witnessed such mesmerizing bullshit that I couldn't even hate it. Shot 100% in Malaysia for fuck's sake.

Stay and satisfy the darkness

The oldest story in the book. The house is haunted and the citizens of a small rural village its built upon, know and protect its secrets, thus they sacrifice people to please those ungodly spirits. Done a million times. Old school.

From a rose on the gray

It was either a sequel or remake of one of the 80s National Lampoon comedies. I don't bother to check it out because I don't waste time on such things. It wasn't that bad as I thought it should, but nevertheless it was a bit weird because some of the material was clearly adult-oriented with straight up obscenities and some of it was directed towards a whole lot younger audience. Prob'ly tried to please as big a range of people as possible. It quite didn't work out.

The past is dead

In the aftermath of Bosnian War, Nato commando (De Niro) and Serbian death squad member (Travolta) hunt each other in Georgian (US) woods. I kinda understand the negative feedback, particularly Travolta's appearance and his accent (prob'ly learnt it while watching Borat) were weird as fuck. And the cat-and-mouse -game overall was awkward and stupid as well. I still enjoyed.

Demented aunts on vacation

A James Bond or whatever the next spy movie -parody built entirely upon Melissa McCarthy's charisma. And if you think she doesn't have charisma you are in for the long haul. Jokes and bullets fired from left and right and some of them misfired, and some others didn't.

Too many people doing math

A bank teller (Williams) doesn't know what to do with his life, so he takes to liking a young male prostitute. It's a story of a 60 year old man figuring out he's wasted his entire life keeping up a pretence for wrong reasons. Robin Williams in one of his last performances and even if the story is bereft of nuances and depth, he's doing incredibly well, altho Kathy Baker does even better as the betrayed wife.

Trouble lasts forever

All the high-tech action and adventures made me confused. Them homeboys, the Marvel superheroes are against some sort of artificial intelligence bogeyman. It is what it is, photoshopped and digitally bludgeoned well, but I'm out of the loop.

The place to rest bones

The only agenda here was to convince people that Courtney Love had Kurt Cobain murdered. They acted out all the evidence, half evidence and hearsay to could muster. Can't think of a better way to ridicule an interesting case because it all was hopelessly one-sided. Some proper points nevertheless.

Plenty of bad preachers for the devil

The cell 213 in South River State Penitentiary is the seat of Satan (sic). And that's not good. Prison life is as tough as it gets, you don't need beasts and evil spirits from the other side to ruin a perfectly unjust incarceration. Someone's imagination went a tad overspeed here.

Vanity doesn't pay

Fucking hilarious. A murder suspect accidentally grows a nice pair of horns onto himself and as he finds out that they have the power to reveal the true identity of the killer, he takes the bull by the horns. The black horror comedy offers excellent moments like there was no tomorrow.

The wounds of honor are self-inflicted

A silly little movie in the medieval fantasy camp, and I'm sure after wasting money on Clive Owen and Morgan Freeman, all they could afford were unknown and, sadly, untalented geezers. The story is a weird laugh really, a confusing medieval East meets West, ninjas and knights and all that.

Drinking is a solitary sport

Everything is falling to pieces in Billy Hope's - light heavyweight champion - life. But like a second (or umpteenth, who's counting) coming of Rocky Balboa, he rises from the ashes to conquer the obligations you spotted dead-on a million miles ago. It's still quite a captivating film of a fight for survival.

Beaten and broken down for generations

Martin Luther King, Jr., is fighting for justice and he's particularly fired up because in the small town of Selma their law for black people's right to vote and demonstrate is interpreted in obscure ways. And whereas MLK (David Oyelowo) intends to find out a peaceful solution, there's Malcolm X (Nigel Thatch) of more rebellious nature and the white supremists such as Gov. George Wallace (Tim Roth) and the sheriff dudes cookin' the stew even hotter. One of the darkest phases of American history wasn't told captivatingly enough I'm afraid.

Entity driven by evil

Psychic business goes all mental and they summon unwanted freaks midst our presence. Such a shitty situation calls for extra help, so ghosthunting buddies and such arrive. I guess I've seen the previous ones - Insidious 1 and Insidious 2 - because it all seems so repetitive. And silly.

You gotta call the green man

Amy Whitehouse never was nowhere near my favourite artist and this 2 hours' documentary doesn't change that. But I like biopics of eccentric people. Amy was a gifted song writer, but to her misery met up with a junk-for-brains shithead, fell in love with the heavy stuff, eventually OD'd on booze and died. I reckon this movie gives a pretty honest portrait of the artist and the people around her. Amy herself was most of the time fucking annoying and the managers and her father were there only cashing in on her fame.

Nugget out of here

Schoolful of children turn into bloodsucking freaks and imprison teachers inside the school. Reasonably funny horror comedy and a nice line-up of actors (Elijah Wood, Rainn Wilson, Jack McBrayer of 30 Rock, Jorge Garcia of Lost) are noticeably having fun. Close to greatness.

Pistacia brings peace

Jo is an ex-con (15 years for armed robbery and manslaughter) who reacquaints with his old neighborhood. After all 'em years things aren't what they used to be, but that doesn't mean they still don't go sideways. A pretty convincing crime tale set in Paris' Ménilmontant suburb.

Best of 2015

The best shit I witnessed in 2015.

MOVIES

Blue Ruin (Jeremy Saulnier)
Kidnapped (Miguel Ángel Vivas)
Coherence (James Ward Byrkit)
In Order Of Disappearance (Hans Petter Molland)
Blood Ties (Guillame Canet)
Force Majeure (Ruben Östlund)
Whiplash (Damien Chazelle)
Kung Fury (David Sandberg)
Kingsman (Matthew Vaughn)
God's Pocket (John Slattery)
Birdman or (The Unexpected of Ignorance) (Alejandro Gonzáles Inárritu)
Dead Snow 2 (Tommy Wirkola)
Mad Max: Fury Road (George Miller)
Anthony Jeselnik: Thoughts and Prayers (Adam Dubin)
Red Obsession (David Roach,Warwick Ross)
The Imitation Game (Mortem Tyldum)
A Second Chance (Susanne Bier)
Ex Machina (Alex Garland)
Mistaken For Strangers (Tom Berninger)
Boyhood (Richard Linklater)
Unbroken (Angelina Jolie)
20,000 Days on Earth (Ian Forsyth, Jane Pollard)
Interstellar (Christopher Nolan)
Begin Again (John Carney)

TV SERIES

Hell on Wheels
Lilyhammer
True Detective
Ray Donovan
Fortitude
Olive Kitteridge
Walking Dead
Game of Thrones
Vikings

BOOKS

The Drop by Dennis Lehane
The Martian by Andy Weir

GAMES

Far Cry 4
Fifa 16
Sniper Elite 2

R.I.P.

Lemmy Kilmister
Simo Salminen
Robert Loggia
Scott Weiland
Philthy Animal Taylor
Gunnar Hansen
Al Molinaro
Maureen O'Hara
Geoffrey Lewis
A.J. Pero
Alex Rocco
Henning Mankell
Robert Z'Dar
Wes Craven
Omar Sharif
Jim Sadist
Roger Rees
Sir Christopher Lee
BB King
Ruth Rendell
Pavel Srnicek
Günter Grass
Richard Dysart
Daniel von Bargen
Taylor Negron
Kim Foley
Terry Pratchett
Leonard Nimoy
Frank Watkins

Did you mean black cocks?

Sometimes the laughs were at the right places. I like it when excessively cruel and vulgar jokes are executed in a deadpan style and they did that a lots here. Of course it wasn't like that all time, but it's pretty fresh and original, essentially done lots better than most of the contemporary comedies.

Twister with teeth

It's christmas holidays and I'm watching Sharknado 2. It's sad and weird and essentially fucklots stupid, but suits me fine.

We are in this friggin' mess

Things went sour in school play 'The Gallows' and, now, 20 years later they reenact the show. But some sort of ghastly curse has been following the play all these years and a few students learn it through the hard way. Couple of good scares, but the hand-held camera horror has run it course by now.

Of course the cross is fucking heavy

A werewolf is tormenting a retired people's community, but a blind man with a shovel for a cane is onto the beast and becomes a vigilante fighting for justice. A pretty entertaining and sort of sympathetic indie horror.

Love laughs at locksmiths

It's a Buster Keaton movie from 1922. I was supposed to watch a Buster Keaton movie marathon, but I didn't have patience for more than this shortie. There's this rascal running away from townful of cops as a story and the trademark Keaton acrobatics are there. I'm sure people find these silent shits hilarious. 

No one escapes

A Canadian surfer dude falls in love with Columbian drug lord and philanthropist Pablo Escobar's niece and it can be a bit tricky being a gringo among the Latin Americans armed to the teeth. And with the great uncle Pablo in the family comes some great responsibilities. Not sure about the young guy (Josh Hutcherson), but Benicio Del Toro is as convincing as ever and it's quite a brutal and thrilling - albeit fabricated - a story.

The dead are not very far away

Mr. Sherlock Holmes (Ian McKellan) is retired from his previous work as a world known detective and now lives in the countryside as a bee farmer and borderline alzheimer. However, the little that he has left of his deductive reasoning he utilizes in reminiscencing an old case involving a supposedly homicidal woman. No sight of Dr. Watson here, Holmes is aided only by a housekeeper (Laura Linney) and her nosy little son.

Throwing a tantrum

Where would the world go if we were swapping bodies like there was no tomorrow? This is the sort of science thriller that in all its speculativeness you gotta see at least once. That 'once' may just be more than enough though.

Buildings, antennas, spans and earth

A documentary feature of BASE-jumper Carl Boenish. His peers and lovers and family and friends talk about working with one of the pioneers of the profession. We hear stories from everyone but the man himself, thence wait for the inevitable to happen.

We are already fucking dead

What would you do if you and the entire mankind, for a fact, had 12 hours to live? A few options (mostly debauchery related) provided in this low budget but reasonably well executed Australian movie. One lad wants to help out this wee little lassie to find her dad. Liked this thought-provoking piece just fine.

Egyptian footprints

Basic investigative procedures and musings of hunting down a serial killer. French secret police and justice system are connecting the dots to muster enough aggravating evidence to close the case. Left me bored and disappointed.

Killing for sport

Quite obviously, digitally fucked to hell and back, so that takes a lot away from the fun. Don't know is it fun though to watch bunch of imbeciles and trained dino puppies hunting down a super mutant dinosaur for two hours. Liked 'em earlier Jurassic pieces just fine, and, really, the real reason for failure is that people like Sam Neill, Jeff Goldblum, Laura Dern and Richard Attenborough are replaced here by Chris Pratt and Bryce Dallas Howard. Do the math. 

Prancing little pants-wetters

The hunt of a suspected nazi symphatizer is on in Estonia. But the guy likes his fencing so much that he doesn't care. Partially based on the real life story of an Estonian fencer Endel Nelis (1925-1993). Alright at best.

In the fear of the ferocity of man

It's Rashômon (1950) by Akira Kurosawa. A woman raped and a man knifed to death in the woods, but how things actually happened is a mystery of its own. A campfire story with old eastern magic, however I didn't like it too much to tell the truth.

Eyes filled with potential and hope

Ok, a horror/thriller movie, so everything can - and, prob'ly, should - happen. But this confusing shit is most of the times too fucking unbelievable. It goes to crazy new territories at every step of the way, leaving things unexplained in a nonsensical state and you begin to question your own perception as if you missed something crucial of the story. Still, I'd say, it's worth the effort to watch because it looks good.

Come forth and claim your offering

A family of five moves into a small town that has a seriously weird vibe. Its citizens look happy, but they are ferociously evil fuckers who worship the evil entity from hell that turns innocent teenagers into black-slime-vomiting convulsing little freaks. B-shit horror.