A simple kind of sample

Something special. An intensified zombie movie withouth the horde of zombies. Actually, it's quite literally withouth any action, but it's written amazingly well with ever so surprising choice of words popping out at every doorway. Wonderful fresh horror.

Fight for eternity

Yeah, you could really attack the ludicrousness and biblical nonsense, laugh and ridicule the historical inaccuracies and plain shittiness. But what good would it do? Who has the time and energy, at least I don't. What is done, is done. Ridley Scott fucking backfired is all.

Life should be unpredictable

The father passes away and the middle-aged children gather up to pay respect at the funeral. They spend an entire week at the old neighbourhood and, unsurprisingly, turns out they have issues of their own. Nothing new under the sun, I probably witness two or three movies exactly like this each year.

Somewhere far away

There's no other way to describe this garbage than 'painfully boring'. A prisoner on the loose thing and Casey Affleck struggles with his acting as he always does.

Tidy the hell up

A French Canadian film of a difficult mom and son relationship. A highly praised and reviewed drama and I can see why even though not exactly my bowl of soup.

Constant stream of humiliations

Four Londoners are about to jump to their very death at the same time. But don't, so they bond, make a pact and befriend. Naturally, they all have issues and that what's this movie is about, and it's spiked up with a bit unnecessary comic relief. Pierce Brosnan, Toni Collette, Imogen Poots and Aaron Paul as the suiciders.

The lost boys of Sudan

Sudanese child refugees of war are stationed to Kansas City, Missouri, and the film - oftentimes underlining it too much - makes entertainment of the cultural differences. But they got it dead on that the first satans the new world produce to the immigrants are Christ, drugs and McDonalds.

Brave the crowds

In case of an avalance, grab your gloves and iphone, leave the wife and kids behind, and run as fast as you can. Swedish man obeys the unwritten rule to the word and, as a momentum, sets things in motion. In no time, it causes quite a few disquieting and uncomfortable moments to the viewers as well.

Most hygienic of beverages

Well, I love wine. I had to drink wine while watching this (Italian was all I had). This movie is mostly about French Bordeaux. It's a quick study of the region, how the wine fluctuates in the business market, what one bad year can do to the sales etcetera. Educational in many ways and changed my perspective on French wine.

Devastation in mind

The novel was cool but I found the movie annoying. Sometimes the words don't turn into images.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained

I don't follow any music competitions on the telly or otherwise, but they persist this is a true story, so there. Harmless, albeit typical, from rags to riches story of a Welsh lad who loves his opera and wants to be a singer. Having said all that, the outcome of the movie is perfectly predictable.

Kick up the jams

I reckon this guy has never gotten the respect he deserves. He's more often ridiculed and it's quite likely because he's associated with riding the coattails of famous artists in Finland and he seems so happy. There's always something creepy and suspicious in a guy who's happy in Finland. But it's a fact that he's a stonecold professional manager and his stories are great.

Cat playing a piano

I enjoy watching food programs, but fictional food movie is completely another deal. I'd rather watch any episode of anything Gordon Ramsey, Anthony Bourdain or Keith Floyd - or whoever professional chef - has ever done.

No stranger to misery

Quite wonderful. Never cared much for Mark Ruffalo, but he's on his element as a disheveled New York record producer and label honcho who finds a new talent (Knightley) and things build up. Cool stuff, a true feel-good movie done with passion, although the last 30 minutes of the movie turn into clichéd mush.

They ride their cousins

Extremely mixed feelings. I'm currently reading the American Sniper book by Chris Kyle. And then I read somewhere that it's bunch of blatant exaggeration his confirmed kills and whatnot. It was news to me also that he got killed, by fellow marine no less. And here's Brad Cooper portraying the hero [sic], doesn't quite add up. It's a decent enough a movie, for them American patriots in particular. The shit, that Bush jr. Iraq war, it's based on false fucking pretense, so Clint Eastwood didn't make it easy for the rest of us to like the movie.

One of the thieves was damned

Sligo is a small town somewhere in Ireland and slightly eccentric citizens roam about its moors and seek help and spiritual guidance from its priest (Brendan Gleeson). Some seek illwill. Nothing much happening but well written shit.

The ass of an angel

I usually try to finish the movie I'm set off to see. I hate to leave them unfinished and sometimes I think why I bother. I contemplated throwing this fucker out the window several times, eventually kept my cool, but, shit, time moved motherfucking slow with this boring excuse of a carefree thriller set in Bucharest, Romania.

The beast will follow

Dwayne Johnson as Hercules. I know, sounds shit. And the truth is, after Ridley Scott's Gladiator, all them sword-wielding myth-bound flicks are rather pale in comparison. Maybe because this dares to have fun with the rigid ancient legends, it escapes some criticism. It was quite watchable, methinks.

Skool allihopa

A young woman who was bullied at school takes her revenge 20 years later in a fictive class reunion. Apparently a small sensation in Sweden when it was released. But I, thank heatens, am not a Swede.

Watch the children prey

Cheating and stealing in number of ways in the movie that simultaneously and interlockingly follows the lifes of Pulitzer winner author (Neeson), his mistress (Wilde) and wife (Basinger), a fraud costume designer (Brody) and his sweetheart (Atias), a painter (Franco) and his ex (Kunis) who can't keep a job. Despite the notion that I was sometimes lost in New York, Paris and Rome, I quite enjoyed it all. And when I read the explanation to the story (that I didn't catch in the viewing), it makes it even more interesting.

A dirty little village in the middle of nowhere

I tried to read the novel, but couldn't go further than a few chapters. The movie follows suit. I watched it through though, but with distress. Like before in the Finnish detective Vares series, couple of things in particular annoyed me. First off, the characters they all are weird and wacky (intentionally built that way), and they are plenty. Add that to the worst one-liners known to mankind, and you are good to go.

Never run from a big cat

Another one (3rd) of those Museum adventures with the colourful bunch of people (Roosevelt, Attila the Hun, sir Lancelot, etc.) and, sadly, the last one for Robin Williams and Dick van Dyke.

Times before cell phones and stereoids

There's something amiss when you laugh at 10% of the jokes and sketches, and the rest 90% goes by more or less unnoticed. I mean, you seriously laugh at some of that shit, guts out style, but with the rest of the stuff you feel either cheated or strange satisfaction that you have a superior sense of humour.

Your pecs are epic

Only 30 minutes. This last 30 minutes. And apparently it takes me 30 minutes to drink a bottle of red wine. Because that's what I did. Probably the best 30 minutes ever invented. Journey through "Whoah, what did I just see?!" Amazing.

Lonely slipper

The mechanic from Mississippi ain't no ordinary mechanic, no, he's an ex-assassin. And he has a daughter missing, so you better beware. One of those silly bits you forget as soon as you have walked out.

Immersionism

A seemingly peaceful hippie parish in some desert island ain't quite as it's advertised. Three film makers learn it through the hard way. Right there in the Jim Jones territory. Had they dropped the hand-held cinematography they could have made something rewatchable of it.

Devil is let loose

A photography book of a rather famous Finnish band. It chronologically - album by album - follows their career with pictures and words penned by their front man. Nothing much, it's as average as their music.

All the right reasons

I don't usually care much for character-driven slow-moving dramas, but this has a good thing going. A mean little gag orchestrated by couple of teenagers has massive consequences and we witness how things develop from there on.

The perils of instincts

It took me a while to realize that I had seen one movie of this series already. If it is a series, dunno, but based on Jussi Adler-Olsen's novels and starring these two detectives (played by Nikolaj Lie Kaas and Fares Fares). Cool Scandinavian crime, cozy textbook stuff really with the typical characters you've seen a thousand times, but you quite enjoy it still.

Technicians of the sacred

Among my favourite artists, if not my favourite artist, so I would have liked this movie regardless of anything. Anyways, it's wonderfully fact and fiction combining, revolves around the band (during "Push The Sky Away" album recordings) and Nick Cave himself. Mostly factual of course, but it's presented in a brilliant fictitious way.

Haters gonna hate

I don't understand what was all the fuss about regarding this movie. It's just a shit comedy by people who cannot make you laugh.

It never rains

I liked ManU when these lads were in the team. Six childhood friends making the dream come true (with incredible managing staff behind, Ferguson and others). A two hours documentary, flew by in an instant, like them matches do. A great game of football, there's nothing quite like it. YNWA dude myself.

Nej nej nej

Well, the idea wasn't born yesterday. A group of good-looking twenty-something people go to a long-abandoned summer cabin in a middle of nowhere. I've seen Evil Dead wanna-be's and copy-cats but not a Swedish one before. Not mightily good, literally a bloody mess, but I can deal with this kind of shit.

Holocaust reloaded

We follow two girls, little German nazi symphatizers. And it's a bit unpleasant and obnoxious world all that Hitler crap.

On naked solitude

David Cronenberg goes that one extra mile ridiculing the Hollywood struggle for fame. Love the way he sometimes executes these disquieting scenes out of nowhere. Inside jokes were fired from left and right, and it was a little concern that you missed some of them.

Wet, stormy, pungent sea

Twins - Milo and Maggie - both a have deathwish. That's a good start, but they ruined it by constructing the bulk of the story with lukewarm quasi-drama.

Protective death soldier

An American small town gets a turn-over once a creepy army guy sets things straight. Almost there in the Twilight Zone territory, but it's pompous, false, synthetic and plastic in all possible ways.

He's here somewhere

I had already played the Sniper Elite 3, so I gave this a go and it was a hoot. I killed Nazis and Ruskies equally.

A twisted fucking slut

One of those things. Without even knowing it, you're keeping a gem on your shelf. Happens once or twice a year that something like this comes your way and knocks your fucking socks off. These two - Clive Owen and Billy Crudup - would have deserved all them little awards and standing ceremonies out there and the rest of the cast (Zoe Saldana, Mila Kunis, James Caan, Marion Cotillard, Noah Emmerich, John Ventimiglia, Lili Taylor, Domenick Lombardozzi and the legendary Mark Mahoney) is an interesting bunch as well. Otherwise a brilliant depiction of 70s small-time gangsters and cops in New York, and their intertwined relations.

Back to the stone age

Some English prison and the inmates are at each other's throats. This one geezer - the latest arrival - is particularly explosive and bends the rules of the concrete jungle. Brilliantly acted and, I reckon, realistic enough a prison movie.

Do you want me to ask you what he asked me to ask you?

I like movies with weird characters, not intentionally weird just the natural kind, like the people in Tom Waits songs. This is packed full of that shit; mob boss with cool hairdo (De Niro), hooker with a blue hair, that one guy with an eyepatch, crazy cops and a crazy midget, curious motel manager (brilliant Crispin Glover) and the bagman (Cusack) with a bullet hole in his hand. They almost make this movie roll. Nonsensical story fucks it up.

Planet Popcorn

It's nice to get one of these for a change. An old-school thriller that doesn't go technical roundabout ways, just some scheming and backstabbing, bits paranoia, a little murder. Courtesy of Patricia Highsmith (based on her novel).

Entirely made of chicken shit

Hadn't I got a silly personal agenda to finally get to watch The Bay, it probably would have passed me by unnoticed. Now that I have seen it, let's just say that it was a better movie before.

All the world's weight hangs in balance

Romanian prince Vlad Dracul discovers a plethora of new interesting talents when he transforms into a vampire. Invading Turks shit in their pants. Bram Stoker's Dracula is an endless source of inspiration for film makers, allowing them to produce these fucks.

Listens like a pen

This was very fucking good and at first I didn't understand the negative feedback. But in the end it was just average. I mean, it had all the makings - amazing cinematography (as always in Anton Corbijn's films) and incredible acting work (Philip Seymour Hoffman's last work, in fact died a week after the premiere) - and all within my favourite genre, but it really didn't go anywhere and when the end credits rolled I was pissed off. I was up for more plots and subplots, at least give us a proper explosive fucking finale. This movie was almost fucking great.

We killed a chicken in front of 70,000 hippies

Alice Cooper. Never my favourite artist. Offstage, a gentleman Vincent Furnier. On stage, a quasi-mythical stage persona Alice Cooper. And as this documentary shows the stage persona is taking over things and a little bit of this and little bit of that became a little bit more and eventually them things blew out of proportion. It's somewhat alright, this film, but it was like watching a fast-forwarded biopic, Alice Cooper's long-lasting career was presented in an instant. And the music wasn't really there, the tunes were barely mentioned, or heard. And same goes to couple of former band mates Glen Buxton (R.I.P.) and Michael Bruce, both once crucial song writers of the band, but shamelessly left out of the film.

When the chips are down

In its own right kind of an ok disaster movie, but to be perfectly honest, amateur roster or not, the acting made the fucking thing ridiculous.

Going to hurt like a fucker

It wasn't funny business getting in between the protestants and catholics in the 70s Belfast. Hadn't seen too many, but this is arguably one of the best films of those highly volatile times.

Too many captains on the island

I hadn't seen this maybe in 10 - 15 years, but back then I kept watching this hours on end, so I hadn't forgotten much. Nice with the Bluray-updates and all, lost none of its original appeal.

In the light of our new sun

Earth is dying, suffocating in its own filth, and humans are set to colonize other galaxies. Almost three hours of space jargon and the bits that dropped me off the radar somewhat frustrated me, but otherwise a hair-raising adventure.