Did you mean black cocks?

Sometimes the laughs were at the right places. I like it when excessively cruel and vulgar jokes are executed in a deadpan style and they did that a lots here. Of course it wasn't like that all time, but it's pretty fresh and original, essentially done lots better than most of the contemporary comedies.

Twister with teeth

It's christmas holidays and I'm watching Sharknado 2. It's sad and weird and essentially fucklots stupid, but suits me fine.

We are in this friggin' mess

Things went sour in school play 'The Gallows' and, now, 20 years later they reenact the show. But some sort of ghastly curse has been following the play all these years and a few students learn it through the hard way. Couple of good scares, but the hand-held camera horror has run it course by now.

Of course the cross is fucking heavy

A werewolf is tormenting a retired people's community, but a blind man with a shovel for a cane is onto the beast and becomes a vigilante fighting for justice. A pretty entertaining and sort of sympathetic indie horror.

Love laughs at locksmiths

It's a Buster Keaton movie from 1922. I was supposed to watch a Buster Keaton movie marathon, but I didn't have patience for more than this shortie. There's this rascal running away from townful of cops as a story and the trademark Keaton acrobatics are there. I'm sure people find these silent shits hilarious. 

No one escapes

A Canadian surfer dude falls in love with Columbian drug lord and philanthropist Pablo Escobar's niece and it can be a bit tricky being a gringo among the Latin Americans armed to the teeth. And with the great uncle Pablo in the family comes some great responsibilities. Not sure about the young guy (Josh Hutcherson), but Benicio Del Toro is as convincing as ever and it's quite a brutal and thrilling - albeit fabricated - a story.

The dead are not very far away

Mr. Sherlock Holmes (Ian McKellan) is retired from his previous work as a world known detective and now lives in the countryside as a bee farmer and borderline alzheimer. However, the little that he has left of his deductive reasoning he utilizes in reminiscencing an old case involving a supposedly homicidal woman. No sight of Dr. Watson here, Holmes is aided only by a housekeeper (Laura Linney) and her nosy little son.

Throwing a tantrum

Where would the world go if we were swapping bodies like there was no tomorrow? This is the sort of science thriller that in all its speculativeness you gotta see at least once. That 'once' may just be more than enough though.

Buildings, antennas, spans and earth

A documentary feature of BASE-jumper Carl Boenish. His peers and lovers and family and friends talk about working with one of the pioneers of the profession. We hear stories from everyone but the man himself, thence wait for the inevitable to happen.

We are already fucking dead

What would you do if you and the entire mankind, for a fact, had 12 hours to live? A few options (mostly debauchery related) provided in this low budget but reasonably well executed Australian movie. One lad wants to help out this wee little lassie to find her dad. Liked this thought-provoking piece just fine.

Egyptian footprints

Basic investigative procedures and musings of hunting down a serial killer. French secret police and justice system are connecting the dots to muster enough aggravating evidence to close the case. Left me bored and disappointed.

Killing for sport

Quite obviously, digitally fucked to hell and back, so that takes a lot away from the fun. Don't know is it fun though to watch bunch of imbeciles and trained dino puppies hunting down a super mutant dinosaur for two hours. Liked 'em earlier Jurassic pieces just fine, and, really, the real reason for failure is that people like Sam Neill, Jeff Goldblum, Laura Dern and Richard Attenborough are replaced here by Chris Pratt and Bryce Dallas Howard. Do the math. 

Prancing little pants-wetters

The hunt of a suspected nazi symphatizer is on in Estonia. But the guy likes his fencing so much that he doesn't care. Partially based on the real life story of an Estonian fencer Endel Nelis (1925-1993). Alright at best.

In the fear of the ferocity of man

It's Rashômon (1950) by Akira Kurosawa. A woman raped and a man knifed to death in the woods, but how things actually happened is a mystery of its own. A campfire story with old eastern magic, however I didn't like it too much to tell the truth.

Eyes filled with potential and hope

Ok, a horror/thriller movie, so everything can - and, prob'ly, should - happen. But this confusing shit is most of the times too fucking unbelievable. It goes to crazy new territories at every step of the way, leaving things unexplained in a nonsensical state and you begin to question your own perception as if you missed something crucial of the story. Still, I'd say, it's worth the effort to watch because it looks good.

Come forth and claim your offering

A family of five moves into a small town that has a seriously weird vibe. Its citizens look happy, but they are ferociously evil fuckers who worship the evil entity from hell that turns innocent teenagers into black-slime-vomiting convulsing little freaks. B-shit horror.