Born ready

Traditional zombie scares are always welcomed. In this Aussie production, the zombie blood is flammable, so that's pretty groovy.

Rather a sparrow than a snail

A kind of desperate girl (Reese Witherspoon) takes a hike to find herself or sumthin'. Namely, it's the Pacific Crest Trail and they say it's a pretty popular hiking trail (located in California). And, yes, the sceneries look quite nice. And they should have utilized the nature in this movie thousandfold because I got bored seeing Reese Witherspoon's face close-up all the time and listen to her bitching and whining issues.

I think I am becoming a God

A dramatist and associate professor of literature in university has a gambling problem. We could have issues that Mark Wahlberg might not sit well on that part, but to be completely fair, he doesn't fuck this up. The movie starts reasonably interesting, but quickly comes down to a hopelessly dry and uninteresting nothingness that's hammered with mundane and pointless jargon. The meagre attempts of thrills and action are washed up before they hit the ground.

Dentists on trampolines

What a drag. In many ways this is a fucking Big Lebowski rip-off. The main character Doc is The Dude copycat, plus, there's people missing, there's Nixon-era hippies and drugs and millionaires and private dicks and cops. On the other hand, it tries to write like Tarantino, or Altman perhaps. It's a hard-to-follow shit with a stupid and totally useless voice-over following around. It's absolutely nowhere near as funny and clever as it thinks it is.

A bunch of fucking limp-dick, sour-note, flatter-than-their-girlfriends, flexible-tempo dipshits

Well, one thing is fucken certain. J.K. Simmon's Fletcher, music conductor/teacher, is the character of the year. Outstandingly well performed and fleshed out role, but otherwise you might think the movie is a tad overhyped. Bits magical, but, in the end, only a music drama.

Frozen in a grim rictus

A bits wacko rich man and his missus get kicks out of making ludicrous bets and two childhood friends in desperate need of ready cash opt to play along. A surprisingly entertaining indie piece.

If I can take it, I can make it

Angelina Jolie does a magnificent job directing this true story of an Olympic athlete going through hell and purgatory in WWII. Bits reminiscences of Papillon, The Bridge on the River Kwai and, particularly, Cool Hand Luke. Absolutely stellar thing, even the quiet moments of the film were kept interesting and deservedly Jack O'Connell ('71, Starred Up), on the lead, is beginning to make a name for himself.

Romania is a smoking section

You can tell Nicolas Cage does his utmost here. But sometimes it just ain't enough. At best, he's awesome, but often he's just a parody of his profession. Not that it matters much, he's still easily the best thing happened to this movie.

Charlie Chaplin and his nazi regime

Mike Judge's (Beavis & Butthead, Office Space et al.) satire of two people time travelling 500 years onwards to the world where the average IQ has dropped on the level of fart jokes. So literally a stupid comedy, but funny though.

Acting smells like dog shit

I guess I shouldn't have, but I did like the first Horrible Bosses. Now I didn't even laugh at the gag reel in the end, the last bit on that one was alright, but, hey guys, that don't fucking do.

They are under the car

I guess you got what you came for. Bread and butter for IMDB's "100 things you learned from this movie". Idiotism and sillyness just about everywhere.

Murder house strikes back

Hammer time. The House That Bled to Death (1980). For better and for worse, a semi-old-school distinctively British horror short of a 3-piece family settling in a house once inhabited my a man who hacked his wife to pieces with a knife. From the "House of Horror" series.

Ungrateful apes

A based-on-a-true-story film of two professional wrestler brothers and one eccentric millionaire John du Pont. You could tell that it was done with lots of passion and groundwork and talent and what-have-you, but I was left unsatisfied. I knew the story, some, and to wait the brooding outcome wasn't worth the wait in the end. Overall good, but that's it.

House of horror

A group of young people show macabre curiosity on a house that has a murderous past and equipped with some high-tech video surveillance system, they try to dig up its secrets. I shitted on my pants of all the mumbo-jumbo ridiculousness of it all.

Once sent from the golden hall

Just when you thought that movies can't get any worse, you get Northmen. A very shit movie, but couple of interesting people in the rank; Johan Hegg (the vocalist of a Heavy Metal band Amon Amarth) as short-lived viking Valli and Ryan Kwanten (True Blood) as a kung-fu monk. Anyways, probably the worst viking movie ever released.

Brad Pitt ate my sandwich

Wonderful modern take on spy movies and gets the best of all the james bonds and jason bournes out there. Shitloads of gadgets, kills and deaths and executions and all sorts of head explosions, fresh approach to action and technical wizardry. One particular fighting scene in a church alone is a must-see. Magical and seriously wickedly funny.

Don't underestimate the evil of gold

I've never shared the lust and devotion for J.R.R. Tolkien's works like the rest of my peers. And I've never cared one way or the other about Peter Jackson's plans to translate them to moving images. Good movies, decent stuff, albeit overlong fuckers, but quite watchable still. The last of the Hobbit trilogy - lots of negative feedback already infested in the mind - it follows suit. It was alright.

Mortality is a very iffy thing

Former antique book store owner (Allen) becomes florist's (Turturro) pimp. That's the set-up of the mild comedy where the laughter never really ignites. Lots of jew stuff and New York stuff, looks and feels fucklots like a Woody Allen film even though it's John Turturro who directs.

Lucy kills Leon

These are my movies. Gritty and dirty authentic-looking crime capers with shady characters. I could watch these days on end. Wonderful cast of utmost talent (Philip Seymour Hoffman, John Turturro, Richard Jenkins) makes you believe that you are watching suburban offbeat thuglife for real.

In love with the ground

Now it's proven. You can die of boredom. In fact, I died a thousand deaths.

Grace and redemption

Hilary Swank and Tommy Lee Jones  have a wagonful of out-of-their-minds women on a trip from Nebraska to Iowa. The journey takes them through cold praerie and fierce Indian territories, but these stubborn riders are a tough bunch too.