Thanks for the crime

I gotta say I cracked up alot during this stupid shit. The gags - dick in the soda machine, falling corpse in the funeral service, the restaurant bit, the malfunctioning bed, the beauty pageant - hey, I thought they were fucking hilarious.

Put your fangs away

About the cons of interweb. How you can get fucked mentally, financially and quite literally. One click away from total devastation. Better than an average a movie.

The last scream of a sinner is quiet

Actor-director-writer Peter Franzén makes a film of his childhood inhibitions in the seventies Finland. Bastard father, a cop, is a sicko who beats the mother to pulp - that's the story, in a nutshell.

Suck on your mom's dick

I had the makings of a flu, so I thought of self-medicating myself with nothing too jazzy. Therefore a movie called Welcome To The Jungle starring Jean-Claude van Damme sounded about right. And yes, it sure wasn't too puzzling, but I did got a fresh new comedy that laughed at itself alot. Criticized to hell and back (mere five points on IMDB), but this is quite near awesome, full of cool irony, something like the Frozen Lizard comedy team has done for years, so it's nice to have new people - director Rob Meltzer and writer Jeff Kaufmann - on the field.

The beginning of everything

I haven't seen the movie Noah yet. I don't intend to find out, but I reckon this is the graphic novel of the movie. Or then it isn't, it's all different entity. I don't care. This comic book was created by the director Darren Aronofsky and an artist Niko Henrichon, and it's alright as far as graphic novels go in my taste preferences. I guess I don't know how to read comics, I don't stuck to studying a picture on hours end, I read the lines, give a quick glance at the picture and move on at breakneck speed.

Bitter end or lager end

These cool British funny people (Simon Pegg, Nick Frost, Martin Freeman, Paddy Considine, Eddie Marsan) go bar hopping, and things take a bizarre turn. It started out great, but somehow the jokes and funny bits were all too fucking hacknayed. Not wholly devoid of laughter, but Edgar Wright, Simon and Nick have penned so much better shit.

Skinny dipping robbery

The finale to the Jens Lapidus series and I've enjoyed it immensely. Thugs from Sweden, Serbia, Chile and Finland are on a full-on battle and there's an undercover agent in the mix. Not entirely flawless, most certainly not, but solid Scandi crime.

Asking polite with a gun in your hand

The set-up is alright, a former mobster (De Niro) in witness protection and the wiseguys, his former colleagues, are after him in France. But of course, they ruin it with infantile comic touch.

Different ideas of honor

Backwash of the World War II in the atomic fucked Japan. Matthew Fox (he's cut and dry terrible) investigates and tries to locate his former missus, and Tommy Lee Jones is the sly General Douglas MacArthur. The old trick in the book, combining romance and bits of war backfires like a motherfucker.

Synonymous with speed and glory

Documentary of the craziest motor racing event, Isle Of Man's Tourist Trophy, and its drivers, particularly the eccentric Guy Martin. Competed since 1907, zigzagging in the narrow roads, midst walls, fences and farm houses at maximum speed of 300 km/h. Death toll 240 and rising. Insane.

Can't lose a game that's still being played

A bit like fictionalized version of GasLand (2010) -documentary. You know, big companies ripping off and bamboozling ordinary small town citizens, fracturing their land with chemicals, poisoning the soil. I wish people see beyond the yet another Matt Damon drama and watch GasLand as well.

Sun shines on dog's ass sometimes

I realized that after his bizarre Oscar speech I had difficulties getting used to see Matthew McConaughey's face in a film. And I haven't even seen True Detective yet. Thankfully, they had people like Sam Shepard, Michael Shannon and Ray McKinnon to back him up. Not to forget the true stars of the show, them young lads Jacob Lofland and Tye Sheridan. And, yes, this was a cool movie otherwise as well. A ripping good yarn, as they say.

Good moos and bad moos

Claire Danes as Temple Grandin, an autistic squeeze machine -loving student who studies cattle. They've made moves for less reason. Or they haven't, who am I to say anything?

Kiss the atmosphere

It was very well done, the space bits in particular. Well, there weren't none but the space bits. But anyways, it was kind of shit cool, but once you've seen it, you're done, don't need to see it again. Pure Hollywood popcorn. P.S. Sandra Bullock can't act, why do you hire her allover the place?

Little raspberry, raspberry of mine

The title of the book translates "You don't believe it anyway..." and I admit, I had difficulties believing this stuff. This is an interview book of a Finnish-born actor Ville Haapasalo who went to Russia in the nineties and after years of struggle and unbelievable stories became a superstar. According to the report, he was poisoned, eavestropped and beaten a few million times, he was on a crazy diet, tried to kill himself three times, he befriended the Russian mafia, all the oligarchs, KGB and Vladimir Putin. Yet it was so well and convincingly told, that you kind of believe it all. Don't know. You read this fucker in a heartbeat, so that's cool, but you couldn't get the feeling that you've read a book, you know, it was more like an interview you pick up from a magazine.

Learn how to spell yoghurt

I guess they thought that it is enough to have two superstars (Denzel Washington and Mark Wahlberg) and some crazy-ass action, and people automatically will love it to death. And I'm sure, some do, and they defend the senseless writing as entertainment. I say, fuck entertainment.

You cute little cumdumpster

I had heard and read so many vicious comments of this, but I get the kicks swimming against the current, so I thought it should suit me proper. But it's just that sometimes the current is too strong. All these hipster cool directors (Nicolas Winding Refn, Gaspar Noé, Darren Aronofsky, David Lynch) shouldn't get away with all the garbage they produce.

Dead men arrest no one

A heist movie, a good old ganster film, that is stripped to bare essentials, devoid of sidestories and all sort of foolishness. Looks (and sounds) fucken brilliant. A 1972 French production (last by Jean-Pierre Melville), starred by Alain Delon, Richard Crenna and the Hills Street Blues star Michael Conrad.

Sentence is death

Brutal. Didn't fuck about with unnecessities. Dredd and a rookie lawman literally blow to bits the local drug syndicate. Bodycount innumerable.

What a fool believes

A perfect Friday afternoon comedy, it was almost like one of the fillings on the pizza I was eating. Nothing all too memorable, but did its purpose alright.

I'd give the moon if it were mine to give

I picked up a classic. A fucking Kieslowski. I was a total cinephile there, but I couldn't keep up the facade for no moment longer. The 1000 movies to see before you die go fuck yourself.

Nice town of zombies and killer robots

This was cute and wonderful. The world copes with yet another zombie infection and it's Dolph Lungren's turn to come into rescue. Luckily he knows how to kung fu and bash skulls and he's good with robots.