Freeway into infinite terror

Started out great. Dragged in the middle. A disappointing ending. That sums it up. Plotholed psycho horror and mystery thriller that is either frustratingly stupid or immensely entertaining.

Eating peas one at a time

The season # 7 of Seinfeld. Once again, top-notch episodes (The Seven, The Rye, The Calzone, The Invitations, The Soup Nazi) through and through. And most memorably, Susan (portrayed by Heidi Swedberg) dies. It also is incredibly funny how her death and the aftermath of her death were executed.

Travel on with the dead

A hitman seems to be having some memory issues. Not good. Not good at all. It sure helps if you can remember the face and the name of the person you are going to assassinate, if else to avoid collateral damage. Not the best of Liam Neeson's roles as a tough guy, the genre he seems particularly fond of as of late, but it passed the time alright.

Her looks are coy and cold

A rich nerdy type divorcee is kidnapped then imprisoned inside his lavish home by a sadistic psychopath. Not the most original of pieces, plotholes are aplenty, but these kind of thrillers are always a hoot. The bloodier the better. And this one's pretty bloody.

Please mansplain sexism

They kidnap a romance novelist so she can help them to find the treasure of Montezuma. Never in a million years I would have believed I'd actually like a doofus adventure comedy with Sandra Bullock and Channing Tatum in the lead, but they proved me wrong. 

Have fun in Attica, dickhead

A Paul Thomas Anderson movie. Two young sweethearts (wonderful Alana Heim and Cooper Hoffman) are looking for their place in the world in the San Fernando Valley in 1973. They mix up with politics, acting, waterbed business and straighten out their relationship as well. A nostalgic but somewhat a pointless romcom, entertaining enough though. Cool cameos by Sean Penn, Tom Waits and Bradley Cooper.

Innocent fuel

The first 30 minutes and Michael Mann's Heat (1995) turns in its grave when it sees this piece of shit. And then it proceeds into a brainless car chase flick. And it all is wrapped in migraine triggering chaotic cinematography. Ambulance's (by Michael Bay) shittiness is mesmerizing. It's almost as if they did this crap on purpose.

Where greater men have fallen

Special U.S. forces kill Russian soldiers. Elite ex-Navy Seals are targeted by Russian operatives on American soil. Looks like someone wants to start a war. Brainless junk, but it's the kind of combat movie it wants to be I guess. Based on Tom Clancy's Jack Ryan universe.

Sounds like a pile of shit

A comic book artist loses his fucking hand in a cruel car accident. The severed hand then goes on a killing spree and murders people that aren't too cool. Despite all the negative feedback, Oliver Stone's The Hand (1981) is decent atmospheric horror. Michael Caine in the lead.

Can't rush inspiration

Something else. A quasi-autobiographical story of a Hollywood screen writer Charlie Kaufman (played by Nicolas Cage) as he battles a writer's block with his latest work adapting "The Orchid Thief" by Susan Orlean (Meryl Streep) for the screen. No one's ever done a movie about flowers before, so it's understandly very difficult. Adaptation is manna from heaven, witty and brilliant piece of cinema. Funny as shit, too.

There's no news like bad news

A James Bond movie directed by Roger Spottiswoode in 1997, starring Pierce Brosnan as the agent 007, Michelle Yeoh as the Bond girl Wai Lin, Judi Dench as Bond's superior M (the head of M16), Desmond Llewelyn as Q (the head of Q division) and Jonathan Pryce as Elliot Carver, the main antagonist. The theme song performed by Sheryl Crow. A media mogul is determined to mess the minds of the great nations of the United States, the UK and China and set the world on fire! James Bond sets out to stop it.

There will always be more

There's a nazi officer in a concentration camp who wants to learn Farsi. A clever jew pretends to be Persian and decides to teach the nazi thus survive the inhuman conditions and, ultimately, death row. But instead of Farsi that he knows shit about, he educates the officer some proper gibberish! Splendid, a different kind of war and concentration camp movie and two really quite excellent actors Nahuel Pérez Biscayart and Lars Eidinger.

The world is coming undone

Dunno, but somewhat a mess. If you are not familiar with the Dumbledore, Grindelwald or Fantastic Beasts stories, or the Harry Potter crap what-have-you, you feel left out and don't understand a word they're sayin'. By the same token, it's spectacular, quite exquisitive looking crap and the actors (Jude Law, Eddie Redmayne, Mads Mikkelsen, Callum Turner, Jessica Williams, Oliver Masucci) add another cool green screen experience to their resume.

No time left

Bruce Willis, stricken with aphasia, did a number of low budget movies (Wrong Place, Vendetta, A Day to Die, Gasoline Alley, Wire Room, White Elephant, Corrective Measures, Fortress: Sniper's Eye, Deadlock, Out of Death, etc.) - each shittier than the next - before his untimely retirement. If else, just to cash in what's left of his career. Megan Fox however burnt a few bridges in the past and gets now offered the shitty roles only. And Emile Hirsch - he has struggled with his profession throughout his career. Can't say stars were aligned with Midnight in the Switchgrass (2021) by Randall Emmett. But kudos to them, it has the worst serial killer script for decades.

They are dead and all messed up

George A. Romero's Night of the Living Dead from 1968. People barrigade themselves inside a farmhouse because outside is crowded with zombies! They don't refer them as zombies however, flesh-eating ghouls instead. Absolutely wicked, gruesome and cool.

For shadows are not hospitable hosts

This would be an amazing revenge flick without the superstitious mumbo-jumbo and the gushing sugar-coated Norse mythology. Then it would be a 15 minutes film, but still. In the end I reckon I still liked it though, fucken brutal and beautiful at the same time.

Just in time to be too late

Yeah, it's the funniest shit alrite. Once you watch the first episode you know that you are hooked. Season # 1 of Norsemen and it's all laughs.

The struggle against the error

It's 1938. Adolf Hitler gains ground, nazi troops march into Austria. In Vienna an aristocratic jew, a lawyer Dr. Josef Bartok tries to escape to the USA but is arrested by the Gestapo. While imprisoned, he successfully steals a random book. A chess book. The tricks and magic of the game save him from the horrific mental torture. Makes a harrowing drama too. Oliver Masucci as the doctor is downright amazing.

There is no key to happiness

The small town of Karmack, USA, is looking to hire a middle man, a bearer of bad news. Because accidents happen in Karmack, it's a god-forsaken miserable place and people die. It's all bad news. The Middle Man is an offbeat comedy, it's bloody hilarious most of the times and that's why the negative feedback it has received is surprising.

Don't call 911

Most of the time, occupied on something else while watching, but Nobody (by Iliya Naishuller) was pretty much the same I remembered. Almost a parody of John Wick which is kind of strange in the first place. Nevertheless, really quite tremendous and funny action.

Doubt leads to damnation

This mystic totemlike shrine appears in the middle of a small town somewhere close to Boston. It heals people. Deaf can hear, blind can see, that sort of thing. Is it a Virgin Mary incarnate or perhaps yet another diabolic masterpiece from Satan himself to corrupt people's faith? Investigative journalist Gerry Fenn (Jeffrey Dean Morgan) in the middle of this nonsense.

Refined but brutal, civilized but merciless

Thus far this (the 3rd) is the most criticized of the Kingsman movie series, but I found the adventure set in WWI actually quite damn entertaining. It's packed full of action and amazingly executed bits. Lots of cool people - Ralph Fiennes, Gemma Arterton, Rhys Ifans, Djimon Hounsou, Matthew Goode, Charles Dance - in the roster.

Chained to the frozen earth

It's incomprehensible how Aki Kaurismäki's laconic film making can be so engaging and the minimalistic cinematography so utterly mesmerizing. Laitakaupungin Valot (2006) is about a gullible security guard Seppo Ilmari Koistinen (Janne Hyytiäinen) who is tricked by a femme fatale (Maria Järvenhelmi) to reveal the secrets of his profession, thus aiding and abetting grand larceny. Deadpan storytelling at its best. 

That house is not fit to live in

Horror the way it should be. Deliciously oppressive and atmospheric. A music professor (George C. Scott) from New York, who recently lost his wife and daughter in a freak accident, relocates to Seattle and rents a house with history of strange happenings. It's spooky shit.

The buzz that echoes in the alleyways

Candyman is back. Terrorizing the neighborhood of Cabrini-Green in Chicago. He's a vile creature with a hook for a hand and uses it to cut people's throats. Nia DaCosta's Candyman is a sequel to the original Candyman (1992), by Bernard Rose, but nowhere near as cool horror as that one. At best, a mere collection of disgusting scenes.

A rendezvous with death

Wolfgang Petersen (1941-2022) died a few days ago. Decided to pick up one of his works. He left behind a great resume from Das Boot to The Perfect Storm and from Outbreak to Air Force One. All great movies, but I chose my favourite In the Line of Fire (1993) where an aging former JFK bodyguard (Clint Eastwood) protects the life the current president of U.S.A.. John Malkovich as one of the greatest screen villains in the history of cinema as the assassin Mitch Leary.

It's time to cut out the cancer

A disgusting and vile mental patient comes back to mutilate the nurses and doctors of the institution he occupied 20 years earlier. Nightmarishly, a woman is tied up to the killing spree as a guest through some kind of psychic channels. Thus she's an accomplice to the gruesome deaths as well. James Wan's (Saw, Aquaman, The Conjuring) horror comes without that much value. The twist is ridiculously unreal, even though things get deliciously bloody after that.

Not just zeros and ones

One of the none-player characters (NPC) in a videogame Free City developes a consciousness. He's an algorithm who thinks is alive. In other words, first artificial intelligence lifeform. It's crazy. Super flashy and action-packed comedy, kind of entertaining if you let your brains to rest.

Traveling the Yangtze in search of a Mongolian horsehair vest

This (also) could be my favourite season of Seinfeld because it introduced couple of the greatest sidekicks. Namely David Puddy, a car mechanic performed by Patrick Warburton, and J. Peterman, eccentric adventurer, world-traveler and clothing designer performed by John O'Hurley. The episodes are all fireworks.

Fuck the moon

The moon is out of orbit. And a huge hole has appeared on its surface. Of all things, the fucken thing is hollow and inhabited by a monster in the form of technological lifeform! In times like these the world needs a hero. A failed and mocked astronaut Brian Harper (Patrick Wilson) to rescue! Roland Emmerich makes these major blockbuster movies (2012, Independence Day, White House Down, 10,000 BC, The Day After Tomorrow) where the stories are shit but are visually quite impressive. Moonfall is plain dumb too.

People who work for criminals are criminals too

Rewatched this. A crazy cool movie consisting of six episodes, the underlying themes being revenge and human behavior in distress. Including people orchestrating mass murders, wacky road rage, mob boss being served rat poison and so on. Wicked good!

Walking around in circles

I was gutted when Gene Hackman announced he would retire from acting in 2004. His powerful and charismatic presence enriched such movies as The French Connection, Unforgiven, Absolute Power, No Way Out, Mississippi Burning, Enemy of the State, Narrow Margin and The Package. He never looked like a star. He wasn't the muscular type handsome hero, a common man instead. One of his best and most memorable roles is in Francis Ford Coppola's The Conversation (1974) where he plays a socially awkward loner, a private operator in surveillance and security business, suffering a guilty conscience over the work he has done over the years. Truly a wonderful thriller, Coppola's personal favourite of his movies. Wanted to watch it immediately again after finishing it.

Metaphors aren't paying bills

We are walking on a very thin ice when you are with a movie based on a video game. Tom Holland and Mark Wahlberg solving riddles and puzzles while searching for an old Magellan gold. A stupid and pointless adventure.

Very pleasant end of times

This is freaking hilarious! There's a huge comet headed towards earth. Something the scientists call 'a planet killer'. The capitalist U.S.A., the president and administration included, refuse to believe the data and opt to cash in on 'the treasure from heaven'. Adam McKay's Don't Look Up is an amazingly brilliant absurd black comedy.

Nature's first green is gold

This was more tragic than I remembered. The rivalry between two Oklahoma gangs, the poor Greasers and the rich Socs. I heard it was trashed by the critics in the past, but Francis Ford Coppola's The Outsiders (1983) is somewhat a classic now. The cinematography is mesmerizing, some of the 80s naivety is there, but it's a wonderful coming of age film. And who'd have guess the insane number of really young actors turned into stars and superstars a few years later. The cast includes Matt Dillon, Tom Cruise, Ralph Macchio, Patrick Swayze, C. Thomas Howell, Emilio Estevez, Rob Lowe, Tom Waits and Diane Lane.

Science is punk rock

Yeah, I think it's pretty cool. Jason Reitman's Ghostbusters: Afterlife where Stranger Things kind of kids are hunting ghosts and doing things adults should be doing. But the adults are idiots, oblivious what's happening and can't see the world just might come to an end before their very eyes. It definitely is an eventful piece, a well executed funny adventure. Amazing they got Dan Aykroyd, Ernie Hudson and Bill Murray on board from the original (1984).

Just ghosts evaporating from the earth

If Academy Awards were mine to give, I'd give one to Sean Penn every year. His outstanding career, as a director and an actor, is oftentimes forgotten. Flag Day is his 6th directional piece and it may not be his greatest, but you sense the devotion and the blood and tears he's put into this based on a true story -project. It's a unique father-daughter movie, his performance as John Vogel, a con artist, is phenomenal. So is Dylan Penn's, Sean's actual daughter, and the supporting cast including Katheryn Winnick and Josh Brolin. Can't understand the negative feedback.

Don't crawl in shit

Larisa Shepitko's 1977 piece The Ascent (original title Voskhozhdenie). They say it's cool as shit. One of the greatest war movies. A timeless classic. It's bleak and depressive. Unique in its own way. But I didn't caught its apparent magic, mysticism and allure.

Mayhem troopers

Special forces are protecting a prisoner because they are assuming he's holding valuable life-saving information. They are stuck in a secret Guantano type compound somewhere in Poland and bunch of terrorists are going to shoot them all dead. It's gung-ho macho time for the super army solders, the death toll is countless and the movie is pure rubbish of course.

She is a witch

Queen Margaret I (1353-1412) was ruler of Denmark, Norway and Sweden (which included Finland). She formed the Kalmar Union that joined the Scandinavian armies together. And that's probably the only part that is true in Margrete: Queen of the North by Charlotte Sieling, "a fictional movie based on a true story". It's a splendid looking film, Trine Dyrholm bleeds her heart out for the performance of the queen, but it's hopelessly lost in the boring power play between thrones.

Blood never lies

I never watched Dexter, the American crime drama television series where a bloodstain pattern analyst investigating serial killers for the Miami Metro Police Department is a serial killer himself. Watched the first season on a whim and I was hooked. It's groovy as fuck.

Oily blackness that glowed like a black jewel

A group of Russian prostitutes invade the privacy of a Finnish wedding in some northern Finnish village. Huonot Naiset (directed by Niklas Lingren) is a movie where an annoyingly shit sense of humour overshadows everything that is interesting in the story. Embarrassing. 

Cruel, poetic or blind

It's easy to hate this little piece of shit. It lasts 3 hours. The fucking Robert Pattison in the lead. The winged spandex creature has run its course. But it's not all shit. Never comfortable with Pattison and the story telling is a mess. Lots of the scenes seem to be just plastered in together in disorganized harmony. However, lots of the scenes are really wicked too. And John Turtorro is amazing. The unrecognizable Colin Farrell is amazing. Paul Dano too. So it's quite difficult not to like either.

They say this one has a surprise ending

M. Night Shyamalan's Unbreakable (2000) is a beautifully filmed thriller. The good old story of good and evil and the opposite sides of human resilience. The atmoshere is so masterfully woven together that it never lets go. There's nothing amiss. 

You must never kill a thirsty man

David Warner passed away couple of days ago. May he rest in peace. I remember him best from Sam Peckinpah's Cross of Iron (1977). I had never seen The Island (1980) before even though I have had the DVD on my shelf for years and years. I purchased it solely because I liked the cover. Now I have to appreciate the cover even more because the movie is not a masterpiece. It's an awkward adventure thriller of a journalist investigating the Bermuda Triangle, but finding a group of outcast pirates instead. Michael Caine and David Warner in the lead.

Hiding from the waiting world

Yoon Do-joon, a somewhat mentally challenged lad, is convicted of murder. His mother, an acupuncturist by trade, is convinced his only son couldn't be responsible for such a heinous act, so she opts to look into the case. To save his beloved son. Despite hits and misses, her investigation is thorough. Too thorough. Bong Joon Ho's (Parasite, The Host, Memories of Murder) 2009 movie and it holds much the same dark humour as his other works. Impressive.

Speak no evil

Six friend's hiking trip in the Appalachian Trail in Virginia ain't no picnic. Fuck no. Weird and barbaric forest people are there, following their every move, killing them one by one. The hikers are petrified beyond belief. It's all done before, ever since Deliverance, where white trash hillbillies are against suburban yuppies. Wrong Turn is little over the edge, greatly so in fact, but it's kind of groovy and wicked anyways. 

Restless empress in decline

Criminal network known as Milos has organized and masterminded yet another escape room experience. They kidnap former escape room champions thus create a survival of the fittest tournament ridden with puzzles and riddles. The winner takes it all and survives the game alive, everyone else is doomed to die. Laughable and tragically bad teenage horror.

Fear of the unknown

A former boxer wants to start his life anew, he moves to Los Angeles to become an actor but becomes a priest. And all the clichés from broken family, alcohol, religion, sickness and death follow within. The 15 minutes in and you know you are wasting your time. Based on a true story of Catholic priest Stuart Long.

Until the martyr smiles in heaven

An unnamed Mexican city is in total fucking chaos. The poor underprivileged people are rioting like motherfuckers. They kill, imprison and torture the rich folks. The government and army muster all their strenght and ammunition to regain control, but it's unclear who is in charge. There's little hope left in this bleak dystopian movie.