All the best doctors are in the gulag or dead

Josef Stalin is dead and his lackeys, while seemingly in lament, are nitpicking over trivial matters and cunning against each other for power to redeem Soviet people's trust from Stalin's great shadow. Quite near excellent political satire and farce. Great cast, Steve Buscemi as Nikita Khrushchev, Michael Palin as Vyacheslav Molotov and Simon Russell Beale as Lavrenti Beria.

Fear not death for the hour of your doom is set

The first season of Vikingane. And it's just insanely funny. In fact, one of the funniest shits I've seen in recent years. Essentially Vikings with laughs, great characters, clever dark comedy.

Sea of human blood

I knew this documentary was there, but I prolonged watching it for some reason. I reckon, back then when it happened - in 2015 - I followed the story and the aftermath of it perhaps more than I should have. Digged the band, Eagles of Death Metal, since the debut album, easily one of my favourite groups and then all of a sudden they are in a middle of a full-blown massacre. I'm glad the band survived the Bataclan Theatre attack, but the 90 fans, they are never coming back.

Cute full-circle bullshit

Guys just want to have a game night, but they're caught up in a game too real. Typical contemporary comedy that tries to be clever and funny, but it's shit for brains.

Butterfly with broken wings

In the process of divorcing, a Russian couple - too detached to their new partners, social media and work - neglect the existence of their 12 year old son. As if they almost forgot they have one. It seems the unwanted child has no better option than to disappear from his asshole parents. Andrey Zvyagintsev (Leviathan) releases one of the most saddest and memorable stories of the year.

People rely on the police to keep them safe

A remake of Michael Winner's Death Wish (1974), Bruce Willis replacing Charles Bronson. One of the most unnecessary pieces you could imagine, but it's still somewhat watchable in its own right. Dr. Paul Kersey is on a killing spree avenging the death of his loved one. He becomes a hooded vigilante - Grim Reaper - on the streets of Chicago, a folk hero to the innocent civilians.

Delight is murder

Revenge flicks are the greatest. Jen (Matilda Anna Ingrid Lutz) goes after bastards who raped and tried to murder her. Strung out on peyote, she's fixing to brutalize the perpetrators to hell and back. Wonderful French/Belgian production, really bloody and violent and gruesome, but in a good way.

Something that is never activated lies dormant

I seriously thought I was having a nightmare; I was watching a Clint Eastwood movie and it was all shite. He decided to make a film of the incident that happened on a train from Amsterdam to Paris in 2015 and use the real people who were on that train as actors and my mind screams why? And it's not just that the acting is shit and nonexistent, the actual core of the story is hidden somewhere as a sidenote, the movie is stuffed with irrevelant and mundane drivel, executed by these horrible non-actors. Mesmerising.

All myths are foundations of reality

A movie based on a videogame is usually a lost cause. I can't recall any that made a lasting impression. Don't think this one will either with its nonsense story of evil Japanese deity hidden in forsaken island. But in the end, it's a decent enough an adventure and Alicia Vikander in the lead is a great thing to look at this kind of work.

Getting to hell is easy

I took me too many episodes to get a grip what the fuck they were building in there. To the degree that I got frustrated and almost gave up, but kept going because everything was wonderful. The last few episodes in the first season of Westworld were revealing enough to actually enjoy the fucking thing.

Two moons bring the truth

Two ex-members of UFO death cult - brothers Aaron and Justin - decide to hang out with their former cult people for one more day to reminiscence the past. However, it's tempting to stay in the camp because the people seem a harmless peaceful bunch. Brainwashed but nice. The Endless is mystic and strange, beautiful and interesting in its own right, but too much stuck in its own loop.

Death is better than bondage

Black Panther, pale in comparison to Iron Man, Thor, Hulk and a other Marvel fuckers (even Ant-Man). Not entirely the character's fault because the superhero trend is due to run out its course anyways. Nevertheless, this is ridiculous and, quite frankly, fucking horrible. Was it seen with a laughing track, it would be a bad slapstick comedy.

An abyss opens up

Ultimately this movie will be remembered as the one where Christopher Plummer replaced Kevin Spacey because of allegations of Spacey's sexual harassment. The re-shoot cost $10 million. Otherwise All the Money in the World would drown in oblivion pretty damn quickly. Even tho it's a Ridley Scott (Gladiator, American Gangster, Alien, Black Hawk Down) film, it's surprisingly lacklustre. Based on a true story of the kidnapping of the grandson of the world's richest man.

Cold war shattered into thousand pieces

Straight to DVD garbage. They came up with an idea of making a ballerina into a sexy yet super intelligent and deadly spy who makes everyone in the U.S. and Russian intelligence agencies look like damn fools. Got the worst possible actors the execute the agenda and they deliver worst accents imaginable. Over two hours of shit.

Part of a small rebellion

New York Times and Washington Post are rivalling bigger and juicier news. Both are particularly interested in the highly volatile top-secret documents of the Vietnam War. And Nixon administration is unhappy. Steven Spielberg's journalism drama where nothing's amiss, but there are a handful of better movies of the same genre.

An Amazon princess that lives on an island of all women

I should have read the back cover of the DVD. Inserting the disc I thought of getting a Marvel superhero movie, a sequel to Wonder Women. But this is about the author and creator of the most famous female superhero of alltime, William Moulton Marston and his reconstituted family with wife and lover. Apparently a true story and all that, didn't give a damn though.

It's all about beginnings

Sidney Hall is one of the greatest writers of our time. His gift is perceptible already in his teenage years, his debut is selling millions of copies couple of years later, he's Pulitzer calibre and, just like that, he disappears. Quite interestingly built up story follows Sidney Hall through three different time periods, from one tragedy to another really. The dude in the lead - Logan Lerman - does well.

Ballad of the Green Berets

In the wake of 911, 12 Special Forces people go to Afghanistan to destroy Taleban. Over the odds 5000 against 1, they began combat. And it stays that way, but - rushing from one battle to another - it never really kicks in the proper warzone mode and, frankly, looks plastic and made up.

Hypothetically rest in peace

I don't know what to make of this. One the one hand, it's one of those trademark Liam Neeson pieces where the cool hero prevails and the action is fucking entertaining - and I like that shit. One the other, the story is ridiculously absurd and ludicrously unrealistic.

Bad times, bad times

Wow, I first thought they were joking with the dialogue. I really did. It was so corny and clichéd and embarrassing. But it kept going on and on right till the end. I was so focused on the super-macho dialogue that I almost forgot the rest of the movie. Something about bank robbers and cops in a really lousy plotholed story.

Silent as the grave

Mute Elisa Esposito (Sally Hawkins) has her routines; in the morning she wakes up, takes a bath, masturbates and boils eggs for herself and her gay neighbour (Richard Jenkins) and goes to work as a janitor in a top secret research facility. That is until she meets some kind of swamp creature inside the facility and they connect to the degree that she wants to kidnap it from future horrors that lay ahead. I liked this, Guillermo del Toro knows his business and the actors did their part, but even if The Shape of Water was exciting and entertaining, it was a bit silly. And had the genders been reversed, had there been a male human being fucking a female fishlike animal, it would have raised a few million eyebrows and the movie had never been released.

Gliding in the kebab stand

Finland won its first Ice Hockey World Championship in 1995. That wasn't just an ordinary win. It was a victory that gave strenght for the whole small nation for years and years to come. Often compared to Declaration of Independence (1917) or winning a war (never happened). And to beat Sweden on their own ice gives that extra bit of salt in the wounds that everyone needed. Everybody still remembers that magical year 1995, the people born after it are systematically force-fed to acknowledge its importance. Everyone involved in the movie 95 desperately want to forget it.

The air you breathe

Brutal shit. Driven by fucked-up childhood, a tour in Gulf War and inner demons, Joe (Joaquin Phoenix) is a feared hired gun who doesn't give a second thought when there's an oppurtunity to do bodily harm to evil people in this world. To rescue a girl and wipe out top New York politician's pedophile ring need extra dose of craziness. Joaquin Phoenix excels and a decent enough a flick, altho not particularly well written. Also, ended abrubtly, unexpectedly, unexplainably. 

Psychic political thriller comedy with a heart

Robert Altman's tremendous movie about film making. Stars playing either themselves or fictional characters step forth like there's no tomorrow, it's too much to mention because the number is ridiculously high. Tim Robbins as a Hollywood studio executive with a stalker to deal with. One of the best satires ever produced.

A higher justice than the rule of law

This is 3rd Murder on the Orient Express I've seen thus far this year. Kenneth Branagh's 2017 version, Sidney Lumet's 1974 version and, finally, this Philip Martin's take (2010) where David Suchet is the genious detective Hercule Poirot. Many consider David Suchet as the right man on the job and I'd easily agree, but I have to witness the Japanese adaptation Oriento kyuukou satsujin jiken (2015) first. A few others as well.

Too bad he's a wanker banker

At first it seems like a nice little party. Friends gather up to celebrate a promotion, but when the secrets are unravelling, ambience shattering to pieces, the party takes a sombre and farcical turn. Someone is dying of something terminal, there's adultery, abuse of friendship and even something close to murder. A lovely 71-minute movie with a wild twist in the end.

Nuclear holocaust

A small Finnish Lapland village go all excited because its only Heavy Metal band (Impaled Rektum) seems to be breaking it with a slot in Norway's biggest Heavy Metal festival. Trouble is the festival doesn't know it. In truth I expected this to be naive and exploiting the capitalization of the genre and, as a fan, I hate the commercialization and general approval of the music that should stay in the shadows. Surprisingly though, I cringed only little, they sort of knew what they were doing and it's quite an easy refreshing comedy.

From nods to nothing

And just like that I watched the season # 2 of Seinfeld. Brilliant episodes such as The Pony Remark, The Jacket, The Phone Message, The Heart Attack and The Chinese Restaurant. I know the episodes inside out therefore probably got more value from the Making Of -documentary where the cast, Larry David, Castle Rock and NBC executives shed light on the birth of Seinfeld phenomenon.

Dying ain't much of a living

The Union and Confederacy make peace in the American Civil War, but Josey Wales chooses not to surrender and make peace with anybody for his family was brutally murdered. Thus he becomes an outlaw and on his way to Mexico he rounds up his own loyal posse, even befriends Comanches, and together they fight against Bluecoats and bounty hunters. Outlaw Josey Wales is a bona fide Clint Eastwood classic, even though it probably ain't his best known pieces, it's definitely as brilliant as any.

Kessler and Bennett

For the heck of it I watched the season #1 of Seinfeld. Done it countless times already. Time will tell I stuck watching the other seasons as well. It is my favourite sitcom of all time, I laugh at the same old jokes all over again. They made nothingness and ordinariness into pure comedy cold.

Listening to the Beatles without earmuffs

The third James Bond film, directed by Guy Hamilton in 1964, starring Sean Connery as the agent 007, Honor Blackman as the Bond girl Pussy Galore, Bernard Lee as Bond's superior M (the head of MI6), Desmond Llewelyn as Q (the head of Q division), Lois Maxwell as Miss Moneypenny (MI6 secretary), Gert Fröbe as Goldfinger, the main antagonist, and Harold Sakata as Oddjob his sidekick. The evil businessman Goldfinger has a devious plan to nuke Fort Knox, pollute its gold inventory for years to come and thus increase the value of his own gold stock.

No pony show

Graboids are subterranean worm-like predators. When fully grown, a graboid can reach up to 10 meters in lenght and weigh up to 20 tons. They are daytime hunters and have no eyes. Graboids should be a desert phenomenon, so it struck everyone with bewilderment when incident occured in the Canadian arctic. Mr Gummer has hunted and killed graboids on two different continents before, so he's the perfect man to deal with the latest infestation. A few people appreciate this kind of nonsense.

Piss and vinegar

A black comedy splatter horror. Never really explained why, but all of a sudden all the mothers and fathers begin attacking and murdering their offspring. It's total brainless craziness with a few hysterically funny moments, but sadly fails to deliver a proper ending.

Enough degradation

The second - and final - season of Sledge Hammer. My finger was constantly on the pause button of the remote because I'm obsessed in writing Sledge's quotes down. And there's delicious material aplenty. The king of cops.

The crucified loser

I understand the reasons why this movie and the two others in Roy Andersson's 'human-trilogy' are considered semi-classics, but I don't necessarily need to like them. His utterly slow-tempo style with unfocused and stagnant cinematography is recognizable and it has a very laconic Scandinavian sense of humour surrounding the whole thing. I read Sånger från andra våningen uses the works of the Peruvian poet César Vallejo as a recurring motif and the movie certainly looks like a series of disconnected events. 

Aiming too high

Totally unaware of Tommy Wiseau and The Room (2003) before. They say he's the coolest cult film maker and The Room is the best worst movie out there. I'm from the Edward Wood school of bad film making myself, but I still wonder why Mr. Wiseau has escaped me. Or just maybe they are making a big fuzz of nothing, dunno. Decent movie of camp film making though.

War eternal

Bunch of gun-toting terrorists invade Ibiza killing dozens of innocent tourists. One of the survivors - empowered by grief and hatred - goes all gung-ho, trains himself to become a master killer and fighter, hoping to infiltrate a terrorist cell. He's become so good that a super secret counter-terrorism program lead by military legends want to hire him. They need him because bad guys are building a nuke! Wrapping all the terrorism clishes and paranoia in a one big waste of time.

Just like Crips and Bloods

It's rare these days to get excited about any new movies. It's like somehow they've lost their edge, everything's done already, they only produce generic shit. A few moments in of Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri and I knew I was in for a treat. First and foremost, the dialogue caught my attention, just superbly executed material (courtesy of director Martin McDonagh) that carry the weight of this wonderful movie. Easily one of the best contemporary films I have seen, the story is there, the dark humour, the actors, just a damn solid package. Will be seeing this again for years to come.

Smart but drunk

There's then and now. In then, a family living a very nomadic lifestyle pursue their dream of building a home made of glass. In now, how things didn't go as planned. An overlong boring family movie of shit parents with four children who suffer from the lack of education, comfort and everything adolescent needs.

It's a lovefuck

An adult fairytale of oppurtunity for people to shrink themselves and live in a makeshift world called Leisureland. Your carbon footprint is minuscule, it's cheap and careless life to live in a teeny-weeny world alongside the giant one. I kind of dug the concept, but once I saw how embarrassed the actors looked on their roles, I realized it wasn't thought through properly and the result looks somewhat stupid. With infinite oppurtunities, instead of seemingly thought-provoking hippie shit, they could have gone a different route and a little twist here and there would have made a huge difference. 

Swastika over Puckingham Palace

To no surprise, Gary Oldman excels as Winston Churchill. Europe is losing the battle against Hitler and nazi Germany, the British parliament with Neville Chamberlain at the helm are bunch of peace-negotiating pussies, so the right people have to step up and fight against the fascists. In Darkest Hour probably the most vital earth-changing moments of the World War II are told with great detail. Without Winston Churchill, we'd be living in a hell of a different world now.

Red wine with fish

The second James Bond film, directed by Terence Young in 1963, starring Sean Connery as the agent 007, Daniela Bianchi as the Bond girl Tatiana Romanova, Bernard Lee as Bond's superior M (the head of MI6), Desmond Llewelyn as Boothroyd or 'Q' (the head of Q division), Lois Maxwell as Miss Moneypenny (MI6 secretary) and Anthony Dawson as Ernst Stavro Blofeld, Number 1 of SPECTRE, as the main antagonist. Title song sung by Matt Monro. SPECTRE wants Bond dead for killing their agent Dr. No and use Russian cipher machine and beautiful Soviet consulate clerk as a decoy. There's just about everything you need in a James Bond film.

Only you and Rock and Roll

Pertti Kurikan Nimipäivät is a Finnish punk band consisting of people with developmental disabilities. The first documentary (Kovasikajuttu) was about introducing the band and make them known, whereas in Tokasikajuttu the band is on the brink of breaking up and still represent Finland in Eurovision Song Contest. The disabilities make members unpredictable as hell, but at the same time they are honest to the bone, without any pretentious bullshit. Not that they are the greatest artists of all time, but their willpower and love for their craftmanship is amazing.

Weak chin and soft underbelly

Big names (Mel Gibson, Will Ferrell, John Lithgow, Mark Wahlberg) gather up to launch jokes from left to right in a Christmas comedy, but too bad they are terribly out of date and mostly just not funny.

The other side of sunshine

Began to read Friedrich Dürrenmatt's novel The Pledge: Requim for the Detective Novel and the next evening the movie adaptation courtesy of Sean Penn is on TV, so I felt obliged to see it. The film is probably better than I remembered, a stomach-turning murder investigation with a truly ominous atmosphere occupying at all times.

The blues from nowhere

Neo-Nazis blow up Katja's husband and son to kingdom come, but there are overwhelming difficulties to get them convicted because the trial is ludicrous. The bereaved wife's only option is to unleash revenge and make the Nazis taste their own medicine! Nothing outstandingly spectacular, but decent enough thrills.

Unspooling brains

Nick and Amy seem like a such a perfect couple, but then Amy goes missing and when the police dug out their past, secrets come out. David Fincher masterfully peels out the excitement layer by layer, but wasn't as good as I remembered it to be.

Playing a poor hand well

A former Olympic-class skier, Molly Bloom, organized semi-illegal poker games for the ultra-rich famous people in Hollywood. Nothing too suspicious or peculiar happened at first, but when the Russians got the hang of the poker business, things got rough and the FBI had to deal with it. Pretty good while it lasted, zigzagged back and forth between different timelines and that always downgrades the outcome.

This is the one life

He is my favorite illusionist. Usually his quick-witted fast-tempo tricks blow up my mind. Miracle wasn't quite out there. At times the magic was absent and the performance looked like a Richard Dawkins lecture.

Ghosts for the deceiver

Three people's lives are intertwined through a corpse. Set in northern city of Oulu, Finland, the story is built patiently and it dissolves into a satisfying finale. Although couldn't help getting bored midway of the movie.