Those who deserve a foxclove

A cashed-up couple purchase a mansion for a few million dollars from a nice old man. Turns out the former owner is still too attached to the building. In a creepy way. I kind of had great expectations of this, the films where an intruder stalks an innocent family (Cape Fear, Fatal Attraction, The Hand That Rocks the Cradle, Play Misty for Me) is a great thriller genre and I thought Dennis Quaid wouldn't do a shit movie. But I was wrong.

Eve of the summertime fades to black

This dude is gay and his devout christ-fucking parents are trying to cure the lad from the terrible disease by sending him into a no-fun institute to brainwash and torture the shit out of him and other evil homosexuals within. These kind of films keep on popping up every once in a while because the world and humanity is so lazily turning into a better place. The old habits die hard. The fucking religion is too deep a scar to wash away easily.

Last kiss goodbye

With such a title - The Man Who Killed Hitler and Then The Bigfoot - you'd expect the movie be a farce. The concept is still somewhat comedic with couple of funny shit moments, but it's still lots more serious than might believe. Calvin Barr (Sam Elliot/Aidan Turner) is a legendary - borderline mythic - soldier who assassinated Adolf Hitler and is now set to fight a nightmare plague. Rather cheap indie production, but pretty wicked nevertheless.

Who needs witches and werewolves?

A thriller stuck up too deep in its own asshole. It's influenced by the works of Alfred Hitchcock and David Lynch, quite openly so, but it's terribly lost in its own confusing bullshit. Hollywood young adult hipsters interests revolve around parties, threat of a killer of dogs and a band called Jesus and the Brides of Dracula. The movie thinks it's clever with subliminal multidimensional messages, but it's just an endless mess of unwoven threads.

The dude is on fire

Funny how you're not too much but kind of exited they made a full-lenght movie for the Breaking Bad series of 5 seasons and it's almost but not quite a match to its excellence and yet you still begin to wish there'd be a follow-up to the follow-up.

Hell on the loose

Shin Godzilla (2016). Gigantic radioactive beast Gojira aka Godzilla rises from the sea leaving a devastation in its wake. Humans bombard it with bullets, bombs and rockets, but the fucker keeps on destroying cities. I know any better, maybe the Godzilla keynote is B movie garbage, maybe it's fucking brilliant satire, who knows. The beast looked like a lifeless cardboard turkey, I had a good laugh about a minute or two.

Chained to a radiator

It's not that shit as it looks and sounds. A tearjerker, syrupy as fuck a movie, but in a good way. A couple adopts three foster children and it's pretty wild, weepy and funny the whole deal.

The one who crosses the horizon

A Baltasar Kormákur film based on a true story. A recently engaged couple sail across the Pacific, from Tahiti to San Diego. They get seriously wrecked by a storm and are adrift on the unforgiven sea torn up, wounded and barely able to function. The ship is fucked to shit as well. Seen lots better survival movies, but this one did its bit alright.

No one's indestructible

The eight James Bond film, directed by Guy Hamilton in 1971, starring Sean Connery as the agent 007, Jill St. John as the Bond Girl Tiffany Case, Bernard Lee as Bond's superior (the head of MI6), Desmond Llewelyn as 'Q' (the head of Q division), Lois Maxwell as Miss Moneypenny (MI6 secretary) and Charles Gray as Blofeld, the head of SPECTRE, as the main antagonist. Title song sung by Shirley Bassey. A shit story of terrorists stealing diamonds to build a super rocket. The last Bond movie by Sean Connery.

Towards the oblivion of dreams

An indie crime drama doused in melancholy. However, it just doesn't really know its place in the world and doesn't give anything but pointless chit-chat and hypocritical moments that beg for viewers sympathy, altho it truly is but boring drivel.

Sometimes loyalty comes at a price

The original, the Norwegian one, starring Swedish Stellan Skarsgård, In Order of Disappearance (2014), was bloody hilarious and so entertaining that naturally they had to make a Hollywood remake, with the same director, Hans Petter Moland, no less. To come to think of the story, it's perfectly tailored for Liam Neeson. An elderly guy in distress as there are harmdoers against his family and he's willing to attack a cluster of evil people by himself. Not bad as such, but rather pointless to do a remake so soon.

Dynasty of death

They've kidnapped the fucking president of Russia! With the help of Russian submarine crew, the heroes of the day are the yankees who execute a daring mission to free the leader and save the world from World War III or worse! It's like cats and dogs fighting against a common enemy and it's so cute. Gerald Butler as US submarine captain Joe Glass, Michael Nyqvist (on one his final roles before his untimely death) as Russin submarine captain Andropov and Gary Oldman taking his money before disappearing into the horizon.

Buried by time and dust

I doubt Per Yngve Ohlin (Dead) or Øystein Aarseth (Euronymous) would recognize themselves in Jonas Åkerlund's Lords of Chaos, wouldn't want to at least. They are both dead, the former by his own choosing, the latter viciously murdered by Kristian Vikernes (Count Grishnackh). All musicians. Otherwise based on a relatively short period of time in the early 90s when a musical genre 'true Norwegian Black Metal' thrived and gained world wide attention with church burnings and killings of few people. Can't really make my mind, the movie is actually better than I expected, but on the other hand, they have taken great liberties with the actual events and cut corners a lot. And due to reason or another, they made all these musicians and people in the scene look like absolute fucking retards.

Celebrate the sunshine

Like a friend of mine said Escape at Dannemora is a brilliant mini-series altho every character is despicable. Yes, they all are either vile, plain assholes or magnificently stupid. But, damn, what an incredible treat. An utter joy to watch. Benicio Del Toro, Patricia Arquette, Paul Dano, David Morse and Eric Lange with superb performances. They say it's based on a true story, of a real prison escape and people willingly or unwillingly playing a role on the events and the manhunt that followed within.

Back from the dead

Gotta compare this to the earlier Pet Sematary (1989) and not the Stephen King novel (1983) because I remember fuck all of the latter. Can't say which one is more loyal and accurate to the story and it does not really matter. The '89 piece was alright, scary and eerie at the right places, this ain't. Just a messy pick-and-mix of scary shit. Man digs up his recently passed away daughter only to re-bury her at an Indian burial ground.

Satan's holiday home

King Arthur himself chopped up a great plague witch to several pieces and buried the parts in different locations. Now they are building up the witch, literally piece by piece. To remain the greatest beast on Earth, Hellboy must stop this crazy project. The series is still entertaining, kinda funny, harmless cartoonish nonsense. David Harbour as Hellboy, Ian McShane as his father and Milla Jovovich as Nimue, the undead queen of witches.

Sieg Heil, Mutterfickers!

After Earth dying, people are co-existing with the moon nazis on the dark side of the moon. Everyone has lost their hope and their only way of escape of reality is a cultish religion Jobsist, followers of Steve Jobs. Obi Washington is the only one trying to keep the place and people from falling apart because the leader of the moon - her mother - is dying of something sinister. Obi meets the Moon Fuhrer (Udo Kier) and learns there's secret elixir at the center of the Earth that can make miracles happen. She must find the entrance to the hollow Earth in nuclear winter and onboard are her friends and foes. What lies ahead takes everyone's breath away. Another cool Iron Sky adventure.

Beware the quiet man

Christian Bale is outstanding, sensational, as Dick Cheney, the ruthless former Vice President of U.S.A. He makes everyone else - Steve Carell, Amy Adams, Sam Rockwell - look like fucking mannequins. And otherwise too, Vice is a good, fantastically woven story, at times wonderfully courageous and unorthodox film making. Proper shit.

Crawling through a river of shit

I didn't intend to watch The Shawshank Redemption. It came from the TV, I watched the first 15 minutes and, as I was tired, I contemplated of shutting it down at the first commercial break. But I didn't. It's one of those movies that grabs you for a drive and you can't let go. The greatest movie of all time, don't necessarily agree, but said everywhere, so it's gotta be true.

Life is like an empty cylinder

Patrick deWitt's The Sisters Brothers is one of the funniest western adventures I've ever read. It's possible my memory doesn't serve me right, but anyways the movie (directed by Jacques Audiard) ain't as thoroughly funny, sarcastic and wild as the novel. It kind of tries to be, at the beginning at least, but the atmosphere navigates towards more sombre vibrations. By no means, it doesn't mean it wasn't a good movie, it is, just didn't give what I came in for and, in all honesty, it doesn't quite know what it's trying to say. Bounty hunters and prospectors and the infamous western chief The Commodore (the great Rutger Hauer in one of his final roles) in search of chemical formula to find gold.