An ocean of dungeons

It’s 1907. Norwegian miners aren’t too happy with their greedy owners, so they make a rebellion against them. It looks like Nordic Wild West and that’s kind of cool. But otherwise, a fucking bore.

Before the piano wire gets too tight

America is in a civil war. We follow a carful of journalists and their journey towards the capital Washington D.C. and the President of the United States to get a quote of the fucking mess. They witness and encounter shit that's pretty repulsive and are constantly in danger. Alex Garland's Civil War is quite brilliant in its warfare, but disappointing in a sense that it hardly carries any message within. Exciting and intense, but a missed opportunity.

A void in humanity

Pretty wonderful. It's sad with wars and deaths and all, but those are beautifully put together with a simple yet harsh family life in an isolated island of Stormskerry (Stormskär) in Åland, Finland. Annoyingly slow-moving at first, but when it got going, it never let go. Directed by Tiina Lymi.

Always carve with compassion

Something else. Bella's own brain is replaced by the brain of her unborn baby. Thus begins the evolution of a young woman. Take that for a premise of a story. The movie is quite off-putting with its abstract imagery at first, but turns out to be engaging and unique. A weird masterpiece.

The winds of a patient man

A man is in a solo voyage in the Indian Ocean when his yacht collides a floating shipping container disabling his navigation equipment and radio. It takes proper wits and self reliance to survive the disaster and the incoming storms alive! All is Lost is a film with hardly any dialogue and just proves the versatility of the talent of Robert Redford. The movie however is just his character trying to stay alive. It's a brilliant adventure of isolation and great danger.

Thinning the herd

Architect Paul Kersey, a vigilante on free time, has kept the streets clean from scum and filth in New York and Los Angeles before. And now he returns to New York to make things right again. This time however, he has a right to vigilante! And become the neighbourhood hero if justice is brought to the streets record time! Scumbags, street gangs, drug dealers, rapists and degenerates better beware! Michael Winner's Death Wish 3 (1985) is exaggerated urban lawlessness to no end.

Countdown to cold graves

Paul Kersey, an architect by trade, is a vigilante. In New York, wrong-doers killed his wife and raped his daughter. He took revenge on the fuckers! Paul moves to Los Angeles and eight years later, some scumbags hurt his family yet again! Retribution must be executed at all costs! Death Wish II was directed by Michael Winner in 1992, the soundtrack was composed by his then neighbor Jimmy Page and the movie stars Charles Bronson as the architect and people like Laurence Fishburne, Kevyn Major Howard and Thomas D. Duffy as the muggers.

Prophets get stronger when they die

Reckon it would be blasphemous to criticize and ridicule anything so epic and grandiose. Dune: Part Two is yet another endless journey in a sand planet somewhere where a couple of tribes fight for power and a valuable spice that is a key to interstellar travel. It's done well, stripped off some of its running time and pseudo-mythical mumbo-jumbo, it would have been better.

The return of the sun after long darkness

Everything is shrouded with factitious mystery. To be part of the True Detective franchise, they probably just decided to be super mystic and obscure. Backfires big time. It's just weird and plastic. And after all the secrecy and puzzlement a simple and silly ending top offs the stupidity of the fucking thing. Ridiculous plotholes are aplenty too. And to be perfectly honest, not sure about Jodie Foster's performance either.

Even ghosts must have feelings

A ghost writer, completing the memoirs of a former British Prime Minister because the previous writer had been found dead, uncovers secrets and, in turn, puts himself at danger of death. The Ghost Writer is an amazing espionage thriller, courtesy of Roman Polanski. It’s old-fashioned thrills and atmosphere. Quite smart and exciting.

Burned by thousand dawns

The Lapua Cartridge Factory explosion happened in Lapua in 1976. It is Finland’s worst industrial disaster. 40 workers dead and 60 injured. Lapua 1976, the movie, directed by Toni Kurkimäki, is a wishy-washy love story of two workers in the factory. They could have carved so much more of the incident, but the catastrophe is just a sideshow.

Top of the world

Wasn't it quite brutal. Raoul Walsh's White Heat. From 1949. James Cagney is a mean and violent son of a bitch, a frightening figure for both cops and fellow criminals. A perfect psychopath. A brute force of nature. Makes intense film noir.

Obsolete and unspoken

A Finnish-Iranian action movie. Nothing can go wrong. Right? A hero fire fighter becomes the Persian Chuck Norris after his wife is kidnapped and suddenly he has enemies everywhere. Little embarrassing the whole charade, but somehow an appreciating effort nevertheless.

The ones who left in time

Caught from Netflix. A 3-episode piece of the murder of Laci Peterson. Horrible tragedy, disgusting details of the life and death of a beautiful young woman. Happened in 2002 and now twenty years later, Laci's mother and friends speak out, revisiting this terrible thing.

Dreams between two worlds

What a bleak little Aussie indie. It's b&w, so the heavyheartedness is emphasized even more. A cop investigates an unsolved 20-year old case where a small town girl had been kidnapped, possibly killed. No funny moments here. Hardly anything really.

Fortunate men taste the same misery as the unfortunate

Fuckers kidnapped the wrong son! But a wealthy businessman still decides to pay up. It builds up a proper thriller. Akira Kurosawa's High and Low (1963) is the best detective reasoning I've ever seen. The story unfolds slowly but once it gets going it's a mesmerizing and magical ride.

A dusk of damnation's pride

John Knox is a mob hitman. He's diagnosed with a fast-moving form of dementia called Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease. It's worse the Alzheimer's they say. He needs to retire. Go away. But before that Knox has few things he gotta do right. Including saving his son from trouble. Nothing's amiss in Knox Goes Away, directed by Michael Keaton. It's a cool thriller.

A psychic jail for the rest of eternity

The Ghostbusters team stumbles upon a mysterious orb that is a magical prison for a phantom God called Garraka. And he's the ruler of the undead and can free ghastly forces from the depths of history. Pretty scary, but because there are two or even three generations of ghost hunters fighting side by side, it's a walk in the park really. 

Paint it black

It started as an art exercise, an art school student digs deep into his subconsciousness and he starts seeing crazy nightmarish things. Elsewhere, his dad is experiencing more or less the same shit. Some of the jump scares were cool, but in the end Insidious, by Patrick Wilson (his directorial debut), is rubbish.

War in heaven

A 2021 James Bond movie directed by Cary Joji Fukunaga, starring Daniel Craig as the retired agent 007, Lashana Lynch as the officiating 007, Ralph Fiennes as Bond's superior M (the head of M16), Ben Whishaw as Q (the head of Department Q), Naomie Harris as Miss Moneypenny (secretary to M) and Rami Malek as the main antagonist Lyutsifer Safin. Theme song No Time to Die performed by Billie Eilish. James Bond has retired, but his old pal Felix Leiter (Jeffrey Wright) in the CIA needs his help. The consequences are devastating.

Space does not cooperate

A super fun and exciting movie. As was the novel (by Andy Weir). Astronaut Mark Watney is presumed dead after a fierce storm in Mars and he's left behind by his crew. Once he manages to signal to Earth he's alive, NASA and a team of international scientists work tirelessly to bring Watney home, until then he must rely on his ingenuity to survive. Ridley Scott's The Martian sits among his best works.

Let's go be immortal

It's hard to believe this is a true story. A Gran Turismo (a driving simulation game) player develops into a full-blown race car driver. Not only it's cool story, it makes a perfectly entertaining movie as well. Its told with passion and expertise. Great acting, particularly by Orlando Bloom and David Harbour.

Bullets in the chamber

What a load of crap. A stupid film. A computer geek, former hacker, sits on a chair filled with explosives. He stands up, he blows to kingdom come. He's blackmailed to hack into high-level banking systems and breach their firewalls. And while doing so everyone in the world thinks he's a terrorist blowing shit up. Hot Seat is another plotholed movie, the only fun thing is to find the goofs. They're aplenty. Starring Mel Gibson, Kevin Dillon and Shannen Doherty. Otherwise, the acting is horrible.

No stranger to danger

There's something else. We find out that Kong and Godzilla are not the only great beasts in the world and Hollow Earth (an internal region inside the world). In fact, Kong is a pretty mellow chap as a whole, Godzilla has more temper. But nevertheless there's more terrible titans terrorizing the planet and endangering its future. Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire is brainless fantasy junk, but it's entertaining.

Kids are little cunts

A screenwriter often visits his parents who passed away in a car accident when he was 12. Such a critically acclaimed drama, All of Us Strangers, by Andrew Haigh, but also a slow-moving boring affair.

Who's not pagan in some matters?

In 11th century Normandy, a knight builds a defensive fortress in order to guard the borders against barbarians and falls in love with a local pig farmer woman. The story is quite nice and for a 1965 film, the action bits are brilliantly executed. Too bad all the characters were despicable.

Messenger for the ghosts

The Danish original, Gustav Möller's Den skyldige (2018), was flawed as shit. Some changes in this Hollywood remake, but they couldn't find and fill up the most gaping holes in the story. However it's in spite of everything quite exciting. Unfortunately it also proves why Jake Gyllenhaal just yet ain't an A-list actor.

For the ones who stayed

Kenneth Branaugh's film is an autobiographical account from his childhood. Belfast, 1969. Times were hard and intimidating as Protestants and Catholics were at each other's throats. Stunning cinematography, excellent artistry, but otherwise little to offer.

A smelly pirate hooker

Why is that when you see bits of these Hollywood comedies on your feed and they are always freakishly funny and when you decide to watch the actual movie, it's a fucking bore?

Working class has no fatherland

A man attempts suicide, but can't go through with it. So he hires a hitman to do the job for him. However he falls in love with a flower-seller and would very much like to continue living. Cancelling the contract turns out to be difficult. I Hired a Contract Killer is an Aki Kaurismäki film, beautiful laconic cinema. And funny at the most unusual places!

Sympathy for the devil

What an interesting little thing. At least at first it is and then you are irritated by the actions of the lead character and the obvious mistakes and plot-holes thrown your way. An alarm dispatcher answers an emergency call from a kidnapped woman and he enters a race against time to save her. Danish Den skyldige, by Gustav Möller, is an intensive film, but ultimately fails to deliver.

The ones above, the ones below, and the ones who fall

It's a simple premise. A prison is split in levels. A platform of an exquisite buffet travels downwards and stops for 2 minutes at every level. During that time, two prisoners in the level can eat all they want from the buffet. Of course, the supply diminishes each level and by the time it reaches the bottom, there's no food left. To make it more interesting and arbitrary, prisoners are changing levels each month, so they might get lucky. Or they don't. Galder Gaztelu-Urrutia's El hoyo is a movie full of symbolism and social study, but it's also quite a vulgar and darkly comical bit as a plain film too. 

The hope that causes so much pain

Perhaps a little bit too idealistic and sugar-coated story of Syrian refugees locating in a small village of Northeast England, but quite heartfelt and wonderful all the same. Apparently director Ken Loach's final film, his retirement is well deserved.

Afraid of time

Earth is becoming uninhabitable. They are running out of food to eat and oxygen to breathe. Astronauts are tasked to find a new planet for humans. Christopher Nolan's Interstellar is a visually stunning and thought-provoking sci-fi movie. A monumental epic even though some of the scientific jargon is quite unimaginable.

No man comes home from war

Explorers and soldiers explore an uncharted island only to soon discover that their mission may be complicated by the wildlife which inhabits the place. It's a bit silly and stupid the whole thing, but nothing too complex and it makes good fantasy. Just enjoy the ride.

Angry heart inherits the earth

A groundbreaking film. By Steven Spielberg. The security of a theme park for cloned dinosaurs is compromised and a group of experts invited to inspect the facilities find themselves in a battle for survival. One of the greatest and exciting adventures in modern day cinema.

Cross of thorns on headless cross

Godzilla and Kong meet and battle it out. Unfortunately their epic encounter is suffocated under mindless techno humbug and an uninspiring plot. Starring them two monsters, Alexander Skarsgård, Millie Bobby Brown and Rebecca Hall.

A kite dancing in a hurricane

A 2015 James Bond movie directed by Sam Mendes, starring Daniel Craig as the agent 007, Ralph Fiennes as Bond's superior M (the head of M16), Ben Whishaw as Q (the head of Department Q) and Christoph Walz as the main antagonist Blofeld. Theme song Writing on the Wall performed by Sam Smith. James Bond ventures towards the heart of S.P.E.C.T.R.E., a cryptic criminal organization, and the mission is an adventure loaded with bullets and explosions.

Cavemen refusing to go away

Reckon everyone's said the same thing. The Expendables gag has run its course. Numbers 2 and 3 were useless already, but the 4th one is borderline watchable, almost a parody to the franchise. Just a terribly bad action movie.

Better drag. More flavor. Less throat burn.

It's like a tribute to the final moments of Hollywood's golden age. The summer of 1969, an aging television actor Rick Dalton (Leonardo DiCaprio) and his stunt double Cliff Booth (Brad Pitt) endeavor to revive their careers. Among bunch of other colorful characters, they encounter the murderous hippies lead by Charles Manson. Once Upon a Time in... Hollywood, by Quentin Tarantino, comes with a large ensemble cast (DeCaprio, Pitt, Al Pacino, Margot Robbie, Emile Hirsch, Timothy Olyphant, Luke Perry, Bruce Dern, Damian Lewis) and it's a wicked groovy ride.

Just a bloody stump

In Bermuda, two amateur treasure-hunting divers inadvertently discover the secret cargo of a World War II shipwreck and conflict with treasure hunters. Not one of the greatest classic seventies films, but surprisingly entertaining and exciting still. Starring Nick Nolte, Jacqueline Bisset, Robert Shaw and Eli Wallach, written by Peter Benchley (Jaws), directed by Peter Yates (Bullitt).

While we are here

Childhood sweethearts in Seoul go separate ways until 20 years later they meet again in New York. It's a simple and touching look on two longing spirits. Story telling stripped to bare essentials. A refreshing little thing.

All that sacrifice

Arthur Fleck's mental state ain't quite alright. Thence his stand-up comedy career hasn't really took off. Little by little he crumbles under the pressure of society that itself is pretty off-putting to begin with. Surprisingly a guy - Todd Phillips - who has made only shitty comedies (The Hangover, Due Date, Old School) in his career, produces one of the most haunting masterpieces of modern day cinema.

Living in twilight dance

Everyone in a Japanese bathhouse is stuck in a time loop where after two minutes, time rewinds and everyone returns to where they were, though their memories continue. It's awkward at first, quite funny the next, but eventually annoying as fuck and people are losing their nerves in this monotonous limbo. If they can't find a way to end to it, they have to find a way to live with it. A quirky and fun little science fiction indie.

Busy making funeral arrangements

Can't believe how quickly the movie ridiculed itself. Had the makings of an intense revenge flick, but in a blink of an eye it blew out of proportions. Too excessive even for a Jason Statham movie. Full of goofs, factual errors and plot holes.

People kill for whole lot of reasons

A retired cop Ray has an Alzheimer's disease. He's contacted by a prisoner on a death row claiming to be innocent. To keep his mind active Ray starts investigating the case once again. A confusing murder mystery begins, drags along pretty boring and the end twist is nowhere as clever as it thinks it is.

Nothing but blackness below

Let's face it. It's just crap. A few has-beens (John Travolta, Kevin Dillon and Stephen Dorff) and a poorly written script in an endlessly tedious story. A generic thriller with absolutely nothing to offer.

The function of life is survival

To pay tribute to Donald Sutherland (1935-2024) and his career. Strange alien seeds drift to earth, take the form of small seed pods, grow perfectly evil and start replicating San Francisco's residents one by one. Invasion of the Body Snatchers is a 1978 horror film directed by Philip Kaufman, based on the 1955 novel The Body Snatcher by Jack Finney. The novel was previously adapted into the 1956 film by Don Siegel. One of the greatest alien invasion movies, a haunting cult classic.

To live with the lie

Accidentally or not, a Russian missile, possibly armed with a nuclear warhead, is shot into Finland's airspace and is lost somewhere in Lapland. An eager journalist is ambitious finding the truth of the case, but seems no one really pays any attention except for the government's serious-looking people in suits and uniforms. Probably the biggest surprise of the year, a truly funny Finnish comedy that turns into a serious and melancholy bit midway the movie, penned to perfection, great soundtrack and the cast is crafted of the country's finest such as Oona Airola, Hannu-Pekka Björkman, Tommi Korpela, Sakari Kuosmanen, Kari Väänänen, Kai Lehtinen and Ona Kamu. Written and directed by Miia Tervo.

Breathing fire on the grave

A stray bullet kills the kid. The dad is shot in the throat, losing his ability to speak. He wallows in misery and drowns his sorrow in booze until he finally realizes he's seen Death Sentence and all the John Wick movies. A revengeful action must be executed at all costs. Within a few months of self-training he's a bad-ass killing machine and the people responsible for the death of his son are soon to be dead. Silent Night is John Woo's misfire.