Just ghosts evaporating from the earth

If Academy Awards were mine to give, I'd give one to Sean Penn every year. His outstanding career, as a director and an actor, is oftentimes forgotten. Flag Day is his 6th directional piece and it may not be his greatest, but you sense the devotion and the blood and tears he's put into this based on a true story -project. It's a unique father-daughter movie, his performance as John Vogel, a con artist, is phenomenal. So is Dylan Penn's, Sean's actual daughter, and the supporting cast including Katheryn Winnick and Josh Brolin. Can't understand the negative feedback.

Don't crawl in shit

Larisa Shepitko's 1977 piece The Ascent (original title Voskhozhdenie). They say it's cool as shit. One of the greatest war movies. A timeless classic. It's bleak and depressive. Unique in its own way. But I didn't caught its apparent magic, mysticism and allure.

Mayhem troopers

Special forces are protecting a prisoner because they are assuming he's holding valuable life-saving information. They are stuck in a secret Guantano type compound somewhere in Poland and bunch of terrorists are going to shoot them all dead. It's gung-ho macho time for the super army solders, the death toll is countless and the movie is pure rubbish of course.

She is a witch

Queen Margaret I (1353-1412) was ruler of Denmark, Norway and Sweden (which included Finland). She formed the Kalmar Union that joined the Scandinavian armies together. And that's probably the only part that is true in Margrete: Queen of the North by Charlotte Sieling, "a fictional movie based on a true story". It's a splendid looking film, Trine Dyrholm bleeds her heart out for the performance of the queen, but it's hopelessly lost in the boring power play between thrones.

Blood never lies

I never watched Dexter, the American crime drama television series where a bloodstain pattern analyst investigating serial killers for the Miami Metro Police Department is a serial killer himself. Watched the first season on a whim and I was hooked. It's groovy as fuck.

Oily blackness that glowed like a black jewel

A group of Russian prostitutes invade the privacy of a Finnish wedding in some northern Finnish village. Huonot Naiset (directed by Niklas Lingren) is a movie where an annoyingly shit sense of humour overshadows everything that is interesting in the story. Embarrassing. 

Cruel, poetic or blind

It's easy to hate this little piece of shit. It lasts 3 hours. The fucking Robert Pattison in the lead. The winged spandex creature has run its course. But it's not all shit. Never comfortable with Pattison and the story telling is a mess. Lots of the scenes seem to be just plastered in together in disorganized harmony. However, lots of the scenes are really wicked too. And John Turtorro is amazing. The unrecognizable Colin Farrell is amazing. Paul Dano too. So it's quite difficult not to like either.

They say this one has a surprise ending

M. Night Shyamalan's Unbreakable (2000) is a beautifully filmed thriller. The good old story of good and evil and the opposite sides of human resilience. The atmoshere is so masterfully woven together that it never lets go. There's nothing amiss. 

You must never kill a thirsty man

David Warner passed away couple of days ago. May he rest in peace. I remember him best from Sam Peckinpah's Cross of Iron (1977). I had never seen The Island (1980) before even though I have had the DVD on my shelf for years and years. I purchased it solely because I liked the cover. Now I have to appreciate the cover even more because the movie is not a masterpiece. It's an awkward adventure thriller of a journalist investigating the Bermuda Triangle, but finding a group of outcast pirates instead. Michael Caine and David Warner in the lead.

Hiding from the waiting world

Yoon Do-joon, a somewhat mentally challenged lad, is convicted of murder. His mother, an acupuncturist by trade, is convinced his only son couldn't be responsible for such a heinous act, so she opts to look into the case. To save his beloved son. Despite hits and misses, her investigation is thorough. Too thorough. Bong Joon Ho's (Parasite, The Host, Memories of Murder) 2009 movie and it holds much the same dark humour as his other works. Impressive.

Speak no evil

Six friend's hiking trip in the Appalachian Trail in Virginia ain't no picnic. Fuck no. Weird and barbaric forest people are there, following their every move, killing them one by one. The hikers are petrified beyond belief. It's all done before, ever since Deliverance, where white trash hillbillies are against suburban yuppies. Wrong Turn is little over the edge, greatly so in fact, but it's kind of groovy and wicked anyways. 

Restless empress in decline

Criminal network known as Milos has organized and masterminded yet another escape room experience. They kidnap former escape room champions thus create a survival of the fittest tournament ridden with puzzles and riddles. The winner takes it all and survives the game alive, everyone else is doomed to die. Laughable and tragically bad teenage horror.

Fear of the unknown

A former boxer wants to start his life anew, he moves to Los Angeles to become an actor but becomes a priest. And all the clichés from broken family, alcohol, religion, sickness and death follow within. The 15 minutes in and you know you are wasting your time. Based on a true story of Catholic priest Stuart Long.

Until the martyr smiles in heaven

An unnamed Mexican city is in total fucking chaos. The poor underprivileged people are rioting like motherfuckers. They kill, imprison and torture the rich folks. The government and army muster all their strenght and ammunition to regain control, but it's unclear who is in charge. There's little hope left in this bleak dystopian movie.

The whirlwinds of warfare

Grandfather and grandson have declared a war over a bedroom. Although it's just harmless friendly fire they take it serious enough and the pranks they come up with are thought-out and cool. They've hard time putting down their weapons even at holidays, birthdays and funerals, so there's collateral damage included. Quite silly a movie, but it's good to see people like Robert De Niro, Christopher Walken, Jane Seymour and Cheech Marin letting it loose for a while and do a good old family movie.

Too weird to live, too rare to die

Journalist Raoul Duke (Johnny Depp) and his lawyer (Benicio Del Toro) have a business trip in Las Vegas spiced up with shitloads of drugs and alcohol. They feast on mescaline, LSD, cocaine, adrenochrome, ether, gin and opium. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas is adapted from Hunter S. Thompson's novel of the same name and the excessive use of almost every type of drug known to civilized man. It's hilarious and crazed a movie by Terry Gilliam. Supporting actors include Mark Harmon, Tobey Maquire, Cameron Diaz, Flea, Harry Dean Stanton, Ellen Barkin, Christopher Meloni and the iconic figure of Gary Busey.

In the belly of the beast

A missed opportunity. You'd assume a comedy of a Christian Heavy Metal band on a tour would be an endless source for wicked stories and crazy jokes. At best, a continuum of Spinal Tap, Bad News, Hevi reissu or Still Crazy, but on a slightly lighter note. However, Electric Jesus is so unimaginative that it hurts. Doesn't know is it a parody or a drama, so tries to do both.

The looming spectre of death

That fucking Ghostface again! Wields his/her knife like a maniac, hides behind the mask and we keep on guessing the identity of the killer and what's the twist this time. There's not many suspects left because they are dropping like flies as well! Already the 5th movie in the Scream franchise, brought the legacy characters of Courteney Cox, David Arquette and Neve Campbell from the original and it's referred to a lot. It's kind of fun and wicked anyways.

It can be medicine if you are sick

Family Yi moves from California to Arkansas to start their lives anew. They intend to harvest land, grow Korean vegetables and live a happy peaceful life. But it's a struggle. It's all a pretty delightful a viewing, but the slow pace and the ending turned down the tone a notch.

A spud with a heart of gold

Thought of getting yet another pathetic Finnish slaptick humour, but instead got a refreshing and truly funny little picaresque comedy of potato merchants in medieval Finland. The writing is so bold and dead-on ingenious that I wasn't surprised if Peruna (The Potato Venture) was later deemed as a cult classic.

Night of the spitting worms

British guys, comic book and sci-fi geeks Graeme and Clive (Simon Pegg & Nick Frost), meet a real alien Paul and they have a wonderful time together driving through the heartland America in an RV. Too bad the Feds are out to get them though. A rather amusing comedy and a buddy movie.

Friends until the end

Two lads get kidnapped. The other one escapes, but instead of running and calling for help he bravely but foolishy decides to go back to help his friend. His stupidity doesn't end there. Far from it, but just about every character's logic has gone haywire, so it's not just him. A creepy little thing in its own right, but moronic shit beyond belief. Pretty good laugh though.

Just a touch of diftong

The officers of the law in a small town somewhere in New Mexico want one of its citizens dead, so they hire a mysterious gunfighter (Yul Brynner) to do the job for them. Somehow though it seems that the hired killer isn't intend of doing what he's being paid. A moody and melodramatic western, but mediocre at best.

Egocentric little freak

Kenneth Branagh has done brilliantly with the two Agatha Christie adaptations and thus proven he's a great artist as a director, writer and actor. He's crafting his own genre of reminiscences of the past masters and utilizing everything that is new in the world of cinema. Of course Murder on the Orient Express and Death on the Nile are backed by Agatha Christie's terrific murder mysteries, but Kenneth Branagh brought them back to life in stupendously beautiful manner.

Choking on oatmeal

It's the same narrative as in his (Jonas Berghäll's) Miesten vuoro (Steam of Life) from 2010. A documentary of real life tragedies that are pretty heartbreaking to hear, but the film maker also added his personal problems (obesity, loneliness, exhaustion) in the mix. Back then Miesten vuoro took a chokehold, it was such a breath-taking depiction of the hardship of a common man that Miehiä ja poikia has quite a legacy to escape, but I reckon unheard harrowing stories never end.

Nightmares not to be believed

What was funny in 1988 necessarily ain't funny now. Someone or something like Monthy Python have proved their comedy stands the test of time. Charlie Chaplin as well. Mel Brooks perhaps. I bet Ricky Gervais will do as well. The 80s and early 1990s Hollywood comedy (either Eddie Murphy, Dan Aykroyd, Steve Martin, Chevy Chase or Tom Hanks's cuts) seems some a little naive now. But at the same time, it's - like The Great Outdoors - adorably good-spirited and sincere. Hardly makes you laugh though.

Both sides in the game

It seems Swedish officers made a terrible mistake 15 years ago and sent an innocent man to jail for of murdering a girl! Someone must go to the bottom of this, the police have to admit they've been all wrong and find the real culprit. Or are they wrong yet again and thus a laughing stock of whole Norrland's community. There have been two movies before and the season 1 as well - and it's still pretty fantastic.

History is not propaganda

Do we need yet another Adolf Hitler documentary? Apparently we do because there are still people trying to outhitler Hitler. Historians (Saul Friedländer, Richard Lenze) and authors (Martis Amis) and Holocaust deniers (David Irving) speak their mind, but it goes nowhere.

Make the most of it

I laughed out loud. And hard. Take a bow to this guy. It's vulgar yet intelligent, off-limits masterclass. A little reminder that you shouldn't take any shit seriously.

Descending winds from the mountainous shadows

After the final episode (Una tradición familiar), you realize you are going to miss the show, all these guys and all the action and excitement like hell. You had witnessed something so extraordinary in La Casa de papel's (Money Heist) 41 episodes that it left a lasting remark. You possibly dread that Hollywood will franchise and rape it to shit, but they should be intelligent enough to stay the hell out of its legacy. A brilliant series, I'm thankful.

The sleeping giants

Nothing beats a good nature documentary. By the MRP Matila Röhr Productions production company at first there was Metsän Tarina (Tale of a Forest), it was followed by Järven Tarina (Tale of a Lake) and now Tunturin Tarina (Tale of the Sleeping Giants), probably the best of the lot. Amazing cinematography of the almost otherwordly northern wilderness and the greatest animals (wolverines, bears, owls, moose and reindeer). Prepare to get mesmerized.

The undertakers win

The war is not his, widower farmer Charlie Anderson's. He just wants to grow tomatoes, herd chicken, cows and horses. Live a peaceful life. But the Civil War, the State of Virginia and ultimately Abraham Lincoln want him and his six sons to fight the war. They are having none of that, so they're caught in a crossfire of two sides. Only when things gets personal, war concerns them. Quite an entertaining western from 1965.

Becoming a passenger

Sam and Tucker are a couple. One of them is seriously ill. The fucking Alzheimer's disease is eating him out. You shouldn't mourn someone while they are still alive, but what if you exist but lose control of your life? An emotional feature that deliciously dwells in its misery and the heavyweights Colin Firth and Stanley Tucci pulled it off incredibly well.

For the glorification of the massive ego

A slow-burner season # 5, but when things got cookin' it was fireworks all the way. Classic episodes such as The Opposite, The Hamptons, The Puffy Shirt and one of their most highly rated The Marine Biologist.

The nastiest stuff you've ever tried

Life is not too complicated in Slab City, a trailerpark area in the Sonoran Desert, Southern California. The people who live there are a varied bunch, offbeat somewhat troubled souls, but they enjoy the company of themselves, the sun and the heat, and the morning brew in a ramshackle internet cafe.  A documentary feature.

Flying out into the darkness to fight ghosts

Due to a hiccup in Doctor Strange's spell they've summoned monsters from other universes and dimensions. Spider-Man (Tom Holland) now must catch and release them to their natural habitats. It would be fascinating if you'd give a fuck. Guest starring Andrew Garfield and Tobey Maquire, revisiting their roles as a Spider-Man.

The darkness in you

Just ridiculous and weird. A guy on parole goes to his brother's wake at an armor-plated bed and breakfast establishment in an island in the Pacific Ocean and he's followed by an army of bad guys and the feds. Everything is askew. The story is fucked. The actors even more. Mel Gibson is alright, but he's there just for an advertisement. Interesting to follow Scott Eastwood's career, he was quite good in The Outpost (2019), but hits rock bottom with this one.

Lying is easy when you tell the truth

Back in the day I read a lot of Charles Willeford fiction and they were a lot different to The Burnt Orange Heresy (also known as Picture of Lies) that is based on one of his books. I obviously missed that one. I wish they had filmed New Hope for the Dead, Miami Blues, The Way We Die Now or any of the pulp classics because this thing never ignited. An art collector (Mick Jagger), an ambitious and desperate art critic (Claes Bang), a reclusive artist (Donald Sutherland) and a random woman (Elizabeth Debicki) in a collision course.

Blood is thicker than evidence

What a bloody treat. Prob'ly hadn't seen this classic before. Released in 1957, directed by Billy Wilder, based on an Agatha Christie novel, starring Charles Laughton and Marlene Dietrich. Stars are aligned. A wealthy woman is murdered and they have to find out who fucking did it.

Talking loud and saying nothing

Every time Jack McCall (Eddie Murphy) says a word, a leaf falls from his garden tree. And when there's no leaves to fall, he dies. There are 1,000 leaves in the tree, so if he must speak he has to use the words wisely. A far-fetched and ludicrous story, a comedy that too desperately tries to be funny and without a proper household name and an expert for physical and verbal comedy for a leading role, the movie would be - quite honestly - qualityless.

The night, it's deafening

A different kind of vampire movie. Jesse Hooker (Lance Henriksen) leads a pack of merciless bloodsuckers across redneck USA. Their latest recruitment Caleb (Adrian Pasdar) has a bit of a hard time adopting to the ways of these night-time predators. Kathryn Bigelow's (Point Break, The Hurt Locker, Zero Dark Thirty) earlier pieces from 1987 and it's groovy.

No more room in hell

It's not from the classic era of zombie movies nor it's done with limitless budget, but Zach Snyder's Dawn of the Dead (a remake of George A. Romero's '78 original) probably is the greatest zombie film out there. It's full-blown undead entertainment from the first minute!

Take the sunshine away

It has been a downhill struggle for The Walking Dead. It lost its edge several seasons ago. I followed it but wasn't enjoying or paying that much attention. Then the COVID-19 came and it put the show on hiatus and I forgot its existence. Got the change to watch the remaining episodes of the season 10 to mark it finished. It's crap. Unfortunately though, the final episode Here's Negan is centred upon the character Negan's (Jeffrey Dean Morgan) past and it actually is pretty good, so I reckon I still have to follow the series.

Right back in the jungle again

After over 50 years, Steven Spielberg's Duel is still one of its kind. A simple story of road rage. A mysterious truck driver - an unnamed and faceless figure behind a steering wheel - torments a business commuter driving a Plymouth Valiant. Shot in 12 days in 1971, but still stands the test of time.

The dead travel fast

All is not well in a castle. Family members are dying and the creepy place seems to be haunted. Everyone is a little freaked out. Howling winds, flickering candles and ghastly illusions only emphatize the fear. A Mario Bava movie from 1963.

Pack of wolves all out for blood

What is life worth? Is it the same for, say, window cleaner and a business executive? As the 9/11 lawsuits began pouring in the U.S. government needed to find a way to make people equally satisfied with the compensation. Some people saw it as blood money to cover up mistakes where surviving familes became numbers and victims statistics. The true life tragic losses melt into a stand-out drama.

It's about nothing

And just like that I realized I had - once again - watched another season of Seinfeld. Over 20 episodes went by in a blink of an eye and it was the funniest shit. Packed full of classic episodes including The Contest, The Bubble Boy, The Outing, The Junior Mint and The Pilot. Starring Jerry Seinfeld, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Michael Richards and Jason Alexander. Wayne Knight, Heidi Swedberg, Estelle Harris, Liz Sheridan, Jerry Stiller and Barney Martin provinding outstandinly strong support.

The greatest griefs are silent

Basically I just put it on. Didn't know what to except. Knew nothing beforehand other than Mark Ruffalo stars in it. It's a 6 episode mini series (clocking somewhere in 6 hours) of twin brothers Dominick and Thomas Birdsey. A brilliantly crafted drama although it's just awfully miserable and downtrodden, everything is so screwed up that it's borderline uncomfortable.

The followers of fire

There's a war coming. It's ignited by gangsters, amateurs, deadly priests, corpses in a back of a car and bagful of stolen drugs. Every character seem a little shady and over the edge except for Pixie (Olivia Cooke) who has brains and who is comfortable midst the crazy shithousery. Somewhat an entertaining Irish crime comedy.

Close your eyes, baby girl

Hitman Sam (Karen Gillan) gets all too sentimental and fucks up her gig thus betrays her organization and has a target on her back. The idea of making this pretty delicate young woman a ruthless mercenary I guess it's supposed to be funny, but it fucking backfires. A crime comedy on the John Wick bandwagon that is forgotten before it's finished.