Stay off the rooftop

Two lawyers (Eric Bana and Rebecca Hall) defend the suspect (Denis Moschitto) of a terrorist act in London. The plot thickens as things get a bit shady and they find out it wasn't just a simple bomb killing 120 people. I almost dozed off at the 20 minute mark of this conspiracy theorists' wet dream.

Some sort of bioluminescence

Astronauts venture to study Europa, one of the moons of Jupiter, and they soon realize that wasn't the best idea. That they were probably better off doing something else like having a picnic at the Central Park or enjoying a cup of coffee at Khao San Road perhaps.

Everybody goes somewhere

Had there been the original Jack Ryan Harrison Ford at the helm, it wouldn't have helped too much. But honestly, this kid, this baby boyscout, Chris Pine, took the remaining life away from the flawed yet workable script.

The fog is poison

Well, I got The Hunger Games 2: Catching Fire in my cv. Yippee. I reckon, I could have done the two and half hours doing something else. Charity work maybe. Fishing. Selling myself for a nickel. Any would do. Well, at least I drank a few glasses of argentinian red wine, desperately trying to drank myself to sleep.

Shave is as good as night's sleep

A whole bunch of people investigates beloved reverend's murder. An Elia Kazan film, so I though it would be a knock-out B&W classic and for some it sure is, but to me and most of the others really, the real appeal is that this is a 40s picture and you try to see how things looked back then and how people spoke, dressed and behaved.

Every dollar is green

I do not follow baseball and I am not a particular fan of movies with a sport as an underlying theme. But, hell, this thing, 42, it came from nowhere and hit a homerun. Very decent. Chadwick Boseman as Jackie Robinson, the first ever black baseball player in major league series (the year is 1947) and Harrison Ford as the owner of Brooklyn Dodgers.

Constant zero curvature

Set in Monaco, a cocktail of Russian, French and Yankee espionage fuckery. Struggle for sex, money and power. I was bored bored bored.

Carnival of pain

Teachers are the cornerstone of our civilization. They made this quite sombre little movie of those heroes who guide our youth that portrays the unthankful living hell they oftentimes have to deal with. A nice cast too w/ Adrian Brody,  James Caan, William Peterson (who I reckon doesn't say a word and ain't seen much), Lucy Liu, Tim Blake Nelson, Marcia Gay Harden and Bryan Cranston.

Big face, small razor

At some random Sundays I occasionally catch up with classic movies that has passed my radar. I didn't even realize I hadn't watched North by Northwest before, but I enjoyed it alright, not - like you all say - Alfred Hitchcock's finest piece, but a piece alright.

King Midas's idiot brother

A thriving folk musician - often frequented by a cat - jumping from one gig to another. Trademark Joel and Ethan Coen in lots of ways; quirky characters, marvellously penned dialogue and simply outstanding cinematography (hit a pause button and you have a piece of art before your very eyes). Maybe Inside Llewyn Davis is a classic in few years time, it however is one of their better works.

A mystery of unanswered questions

I had almost watched this like a few thousand times. Now that I finally did so, it left me no impact whatsover. A praised and adored motherfucker, but I still think German cinema is a bit of a drag.

Age is an abstraction, not a straitjacket

A lovely little film of a very resilient father and a husband (fantastic James Cromwell) fighting against the inevitable death and dying and the rules and regulations of a modern society.

Truth has no temperature

Starring Michael Fassbender, Penélope Cruz, Javier Bardem, Rosie Perez, Cameron Diaz and Brad Pitt. Written by Cormac McCarthy and directed by Ridley Scott. That should do it, the heavyweights should pull it together with ease, but I haven't seen such incoherent piece of shit for a very long time. This is a weird thriller loaded with pseudo-intellectual dialogue that makes the actors struggle so hard that you'd be ashamed for them if you weren't laughing your ass off.

Sometimes the smartest officers do the stupidest things

The surprise of the year. At first, I thought of getting uber-patriotic series in the vein of 24, Homeland, The Unit or some such shit, but this was something else. This was wickedly entertaining Cold War espionage fucker that looks authentic and that took unpredictable sometimes shockingly brutal turn of events. My new favourite series and I can't wait for the upcoming seasons.

Blank the shroud upon the ground

It's a fictional tour book. My alleyways, so I was quite familiar with lots of the stories inside the novel, so I took it mostly as a biographical report of the last tour of this one particular band. Shit, it's written so well, that you may take it as you like. In short, this band - a rather well-known one - goes on a European tour and they like their drink and they are homesick and they are these northern crazy souls. Liked it a lot.

Have a pancake on a hammock

I hate blatant lies. On the cover, the movie was given either 5 stars or 4 stars by all those professional critics. Ah, and not to forget 4 and half stars by some dimwit genius. If it was even close that great, they'd speak about this fucking movie everywhere. They couldn't stop talking about it. Incessant non-stop fucking hallelujah. Get a real job, losers. The movie is well below average, and fucking stays there.

Death is my true God

I didn't understand what the hell was going on during the first few episodes. Maybe it had taken too long since I saw the second season (and I had forgotten most of the shit) or just maybe the series is overblown with characters. Be it is may, it's still quality television, once you get a grasp of it, it is even better.

The destiny remains

Sehr gut. A German footsoldier perspective on WWII as five friends idealogues shatter and the Third Reich unravels from the inside as the war moves on. Quite rightfully compared to Band Of Brothers.

Hell with a lid off

Tom Berenger did this kind of B-movie crime garbage in the Eighties. Here they wanted to make an old school action thriller, pinpointed it by hiring the very Tom Berenger, but all they could rehash really was the stupendously bad acting.

The world is crazier than you are

Dark elves are fighting against them Nordic gods and their legions. It's quite fucking ridiculous if you really give it a second thought. But then again, second thoughts might as well be for suckers.

Sport the war

CSI meets The Hills Have Eyes and...and nothing. Looks like a bad TV show that is shot almost exclusively on hand-held camera.

Walking down the wrong road

Casey Affleck was so out of his league midst Willem Dafoe, Christian Bale, Woody Harrelson and Sam Shepard that it was quite painstaking to watch. Otherwise, a fucken cool flick. Backwoods American mountain people's fuckadoo of fighting, hunting and killing for remorse has rarely looked this good.

Thinking can be lethal

They didn't know were they doing a drama or comedy of Finland Ski Association's organized doping culture, and the problem lies therein. Could easily be based on a true story as well, but I'm afraid the truth is even more rotten. The former Canadian sprinter Ben Johnson as a taxi driver, probably now true too.

Drive the cold winter away

This was sort of awesome. There was a definite European feel to it (they spoke French, German and Occitan), the subtle not-busied camera work gave enough leeway to let the story and actors do the talking and the soundtrack was hardly ever there which gave way to the natural sounds. And the ever brilliant Mads Mikkelsen did the lead as a medieval vigilante fighting for justice.

There are no mistakes

I just went through the Netflix collection and found this fucker. Harry Dean Stanton is the coolest, most extraordinary and sort of mythical figure in Hollywood and he does not give a fuck. In this portrait he (and his colleagues) muses some, is silent lots and sings like an angel.

Horny horny horny duck

No matter how much you appreciated Breaking Bad and Bryan Cranston, under no circumstances, do not hire him to portray a half-blind Russian hitman. As generic a thriller as they come.

King of the fucking castle

The most horrifying situation. The world is frozen solid and it's snowing, like, constantly. There are few good people left, but there are also bad people roaming about and they are not nice because they like the taste of human flesh. It's a struggle for survival. The end of the world has seldom been this motherfucking boring.

Slave to desires

A serial killer hunt set in volatile Belfast, Ireland. Only a five episode season (I'm told they're filming the second season as we speak), and it's quite fucking excellent.

Thanks for the crime

I gotta say I cracked up alot during this stupid shit. The gags - dick in the soda machine, falling corpse in the funeral service, the restaurant bit, the malfunctioning bed, the beauty pageant - hey, I thought they were fucking hilarious.

Put your fangs away

About the cons of interweb. How you can get fucked mentally, financially and quite literally. One click away from total devastation. Better than an average a movie.

The last scream of a sinner is quiet

Actor-director-writer Peter Franzén makes a film of his childhood inhibitions in the seventies Finland. Bastard father, a cop, is a sicko who beats the mother to pulp - that's the story, in a nutshell.

Suck on your mom's dick

I had the makings of a flu, so I thought of self-medicating myself with nothing too jazzy. Therefore a movie called Welcome To The Jungle starring Jean-Claude van Damme sounded about right. And yes, it sure wasn't too puzzling, but I did got a fresh new comedy that laughed at itself alot. Criticized to hell and back (mere five points on IMDB), but this is quite near awesome, full of cool irony, something like the Frozen Lizard comedy team has done for years, so it's nice to have new people - director Rob Meltzer and writer Jeff Kaufmann - on the field.

The beginning of everything

I haven't seen the movie Noah yet. I don't intend to find out, but I reckon this is the graphic novel of the movie. Or then it isn't, it's all different entity. I don't care. This comic book was created by the director Darren Aronofsky and an artist Niko Henrichon, and it's alright as far as graphic novels go in my taste preferences. I guess I don't know how to read comics, I don't stuck to studying a picture on hours end, I read the lines, give a quick glance at the picture and move on at breakneck speed.

Bitter end or lager end

These cool British funny people (Simon Pegg, Nick Frost, Martin Freeman, Paddy Considine, Eddie Marsan) go bar hopping, and things take a bizarre turn. It started out great, but somehow the jokes and funny bits were all too fucking hacknayed. Not wholly devoid of laughter, but Edgar Wright, Simon and Nick have penned so much better shit.

Skinny dipping robbery

The finale to the Jens Lapidus series and I've enjoyed it immensely. Thugs from Sweden, Serbia, Chile and Finland are on a full-on battle and there's an undercover agent in the mix. Not entirely flawless, most certainly not, but solid Scandi crime.

Asking polite with a gun in your hand

The set-up is alright, a former mobster (De Niro) in witness protection and the wiseguys, his former colleagues, are after him in France. But of course, they ruin it with infantile comic touch.

Different ideas of honor

Backwash of the World War II in the atomic fucked Japan. Matthew Fox (he's cut and dry terrible) investigates and tries to locate his former missus, and Tommy Lee Jones is the sly General Douglas MacArthur. The old trick in the book, combining romance and bits of war backfires like a motherfucker.

Synonymous with speed and glory

Documentary of the craziest motor racing event, Isle Of Man's Tourist Trophy, and its drivers, particularly the eccentric Guy Martin. Competed since 1907, zigzagging in the narrow roads, midst walls, fences and farm houses at maximum speed of 300 km/h. Death toll 240 and rising. Insane.

Can't lose a game that's still being played

A bit like fictionalized version of GasLand (2010) -documentary. You know, big companies ripping off and bamboozling ordinary small town citizens, fracturing their land with chemicals, poisoning the soil. I wish people see beyond the yet another Matt Damon drama and watch GasLand as well.

Sun shines on dog's ass sometimes

I realized that after his bizarre Oscar speech I had difficulties getting used to see Matthew McConaughey's face in a film. And I haven't even seen True Detective yet. Thankfully, they had people like Sam Shepard, Michael Shannon and Ray McKinnon to back him up. Not to forget the true stars of the show, them young lads Jacob Lofland and Tye Sheridan. And, yes, this was a cool movie otherwise as well. A ripping good yarn, as they say.

Good moos and bad moos

Claire Danes as Temple Grandin, an autistic squeeze machine -loving student who studies cattle. They've made moves for less reason. Or they haven't, who am I to say anything?

Kiss the atmosphere

It was very well done, the space bits in particular. Well, there weren't none but the space bits. But anyways, it was kind of shit cool, but once you've seen it, you're done, don't need to see it again. Pure Hollywood popcorn. P.S. Sandra Bullock can't act, why do you hire her allover the place?

Little raspberry, raspberry of mine

The title of the book translates "You don't believe it anyway..." and I admit, I had difficulties believing this stuff. This is an interview book of a Finnish-born actor Ville Haapasalo who went to Russia in the nineties and after years of struggle and unbelievable stories became a superstar. According to the report, he was poisoned, eavestropped and beaten a few million times, he was on a crazy diet, tried to kill himself three times, he befriended the Russian mafia, all the oligarchs, KGB and Vladimir Putin. Yet it was so well and convincingly told, that you kind of believe it all. Don't know. You read this fucker in a heartbeat, so that's cool, but you couldn't get the feeling that you've read a book, you know, it was more like an interview you pick up from a magazine.

Learn how to spell yoghurt

I guess they thought that it is enough to have two superstars (Denzel Washington and Mark Wahlberg) and some crazy-ass action, and people automatically will love it to death. And I'm sure, some do, and they defend the senseless writing as entertainment. I say, fuck entertainment.

You cute little cumdumpster

I had heard and read so many vicious comments of this, but I get the kicks swimming against the current, so I thought it should suit me proper. But it's just that sometimes the current is too strong. All these hipster cool directors (Nicolas Winding Refn, Gaspar Noé, Darren Aronofsky, David Lynch) shouldn't get away with all the garbage they produce.

Dead men arrest no one

A heist movie, a good old ganster film, that is stripped to bare essentials, devoid of sidestories and all sort of foolishness. Looks (and sounds) fucken brilliant. A 1972 French production (last by Jean-Pierre Melville), starred by Alain Delon, Richard Crenna and the Hills Street Blues star Michael Conrad.

Sentence is death

Brutal. Didn't fuck about with unnecessities. Dredd and a rookie lawman literally blow to bits the local drug syndicate. Bodycount innumerable.

What a fool believes

A perfect Friday afternoon comedy, it was almost like one of the fillings on the pizza I was eating. Nothing all too memorable, but did its purpose alright.

I'd give the moon if it were mine to give

I picked up a classic. A fucking Kieslowski. I was a total cinephile there, but I couldn't keep up the facade for no moment longer. The 1000 movies to see before you die go fuck yourself.

Nice town of zombies and killer robots

This was cute and wonderful. The world copes with yet another zombie infection and it's Dolph Lungren's turn to come into rescue. Luckily he knows how to kung fu and bash skulls and he's good with robots.