A tree is known by its fruit

The only reason I watched this was because it was shot in my neighbourhood and that, of course, makes me a star. The movie is shit.

Only the roads are old

A short film of a Mayan family fishing and living on the sea surrounded by beautiful wilderness (Bancho Chinchorro) and shortly put, there's nothing but fishing and living on the sea, but it was weirdly captivating all the same. As a side note, my cats don't watch much television or films, but one of them sat this one right through, mesmerized, I think that's fucken revealing because he's a smart little creature.

Lunatics don’t need training

Apparently there was (is?) an Ozzy Osbourne column in Rolling Stone magazine where he as Dr. Ozzy answered readers questions on things like sex, death and health. And now it's made out to a book. I reckon, most of the answers were given by his own doctor, his lawyer, assistant and Sharon, but a decent read nevertheless.

Watching disciples of the satanic rule

It's amusing how Sam Dunn and Scott McFadyen kept asking everyone has Grunge anything to do with Metal and everyone said no absolutely not, until someone finally said something along the line that maybe it has something to do with Metal and that was enough to include Grunge to the history of Heavy Metal. Grunge should have been replaced by Death and Black Metal and this would have been - if it ain't already - the best and most definitive Metal documentation ever produced. Of course, some influential bands and subgenres were left out and the Hair Metal and Nu Metal episodes were hair-raisingly embarrassing, but that's just my personal hatred on them. Few interviewees stood out, namely: Bruce Dickinson, Arthur Brown, Steve Harris, Geezer Butler, Ronnie James Dio and, of course, Lemmy.

Giant evil gods

Greatly refreshing stab at horror, quite something different, fantastic evil creeps, funny shit.

Fake fire

Maybe it ain't fair to cut it for a two hour and thensome movie to say it's just a sugarcoated and chaotically directed Hollywood version of Battle Royale, but I don't think it deserves much more.

Karma lurks with sobering consequence

Nothing special this, watchable cop thriller riding The Fugitive coattails, but Éric Cantona is my new favourite French action star since...well, no one.

Earth's mightiest heroes

I don't know. This had like hundreds of thousands of superheroes, but somehow it was boring, it was horribly long, the jokes were lame and it felt that few of the actors were there just for the paycheck. Maybe I didn't watch it the right way, maybe I had a hangover, I don't know.

How rare can blood be?

This modern-day-Peckinpah gives a wrong picture of - I'm quite sure picturesque - Mexico, but I don't care because the movie is great and Mel Gibson, he doesn't care because he's on fire.

The lilies bloom

They made a movie of one of those Olsens whining, screaming and crying her heart out.

Apex predators

Okay, these three Seattle boys find this hole in the ground and there's this glowing alien entity in there and the boys get infected or something, and then they can, like, move objects by thought only and, you know, fly to places. And one of them totally freaks out and the superpower thing ain't so cool - more like frightening! - any longer and all hell breaks loose. Still, it wasn't that bad of a film.

Enough endorsement

"When I became a cop, I had my nerves removed."
"I was born with a gun in my hand."
"That yoghurt-sucking mutant."
"Long live the death penalty."
"I'm not afraid of anything. Except world peace."
Just a few quotes from the king of cool. I reckon - maybe The Office (U.K.) and Seinfeld excluded - I haven't laughed as much with any other sitcom. Still, a fucken much more brainier than generally considered. Utter brilliancy.

Kill die blood

To no offense, but anyone finding this murder dark humour outrageously funny and dead cool, is a stone cold idiot.

Pawsome

I have a soft spot for cats and own a couple myself (they own me, is the appropriate expression), therefore to me a book like this is unputdownable. I found it in a local book store, read a few pages, bought it, walked back home and read it through. That's how good it is.

The glint of light on broken glass

It's not a joke. The Danes, Norwegians and Swedes are doing the best crime fiction right now. Lilyhammer, the Pusher trilogy, Wallander, Jo Nesbø, Arne Dahl, Jens Lapidus, Henning Mankell, Millennium trilogy, Forbrydelsen, etcetera. And Broen is a prime example. Absolutely gripping Scandinavian crime. 

Gay Elvis

Wiseguy Frank Tagliano (Steven van Zandt) in witness protection in rural Lillehammer and, while at it, disarrays the local police force, motorcycle gang and them ordinary folks. His first assignment, if I remember it correctly, was to hunt down a wolf and kill it dead. Wacky fun.

King Kong of Copenhagen

A great - grotesquely brutal - finish to the trilogy. You rarely see criminal underworld depicted so convincingly.

All told, kindness is not fashionable

I don't care much of traditional magicians, but Derren Brown's shows always fucken spellbound me.

When they come for you

Some 80s naivety is there, sure, but other than that this is a surprisingly intense and wicked prison movie.

Hell hath no Führer

Political satire and science movie trash. I was well and truly fucken entertained.

Sardines thrown in to the sea

Kind of a crazy story in this French action thriller, quite too crazy, but the former football Eric Cantona has become a bloody charismatic actor over the years, so didn't mind sitting the film through.

Rides like a wind

There's a picture of Walter Hill on the words "a movie average done" in the dictionary.

The ocean called

I've seen people complaining that the 8th is not on a par with the rest of the Seinfeld seasons, but that's rubbish or at least I saw no difference myself. Funny shit.

The journey from shame to resentment

Very good. Fast-moving mob story with plenty of violence and quite dark humour. Not far from something like The Sopranos. Wasn’t that happy with the structure of the novel, it had too many flashbacks and the whole story was terribly busied from start to finish, but very well worth the read.

Some people deserve to die

They brought the cast of Russell Crowe, Sharon Stone, Gene Hackman, Leonardo DiCaprio, Lance Henriksen and Gary Sinise to a western movie set with no other purpose than to play a prolonged gunfight. Sharon Stone's acting was so bad that it was pure comedy.

Make the night as bright as day, and burn, baby, burn!

Well, it looked wonderful, the visuals were alright, I'll give 'em that, but that's it, it ends there, can't for the fuck of it think anything else, I've forgotten everything already.

Remove the head or destroy the brain

Like just about everyone knows, a sort of movie that has funny shit and zombies. Simon Pegg and Edgar Wright haven't done much wrong.

Your habits become your character

To speak the truth, the only intest I had for this was Meryl Streep's performance because it had been praised to hell and back. Early on, it was clear that she does alright, but the movie still is a boring fucker.

That shit eating grin

Was a bit of a fuck, this. There's a quasi-storyline, but nothing's happening. Depicted a small American town in the early Eighties, coulda been the Nineties, present day, whatever, but I put two and two together because they kept yapping about the Falklands War and I'm so fucking clever. Now, I just have to find out what exactly U.S. had to do with the Falklands War - I had thought nothing, but apparently they won that battle too.

Can't throw a disco party

A documentary of a punk band that consists solely of mentally disabled people. Thoughtful and eye-opening Finnish movie that hopefully gets a strong worldwide promotion.

Strange phenomena as unnatural things alive or dead

Wow. Gigantic manslaughtering sugar-thieving mutant ants caused by lingering radioactive by the first atomic bomb have gone absolutely mental! A tough nut to crack to a team of local police, army intelligence, FBI and scientists.

Beware of the dwarf

It still is quite a good comic crime movie and it depicts the spirits of the times (San Francisco, late 70s) quite nicely, but I don't like the slapstick kind of humour that funny.

We rode along in silence

A hoot. Story of two mercenary brothers on their journey to California to execute a hired kill. Full of rich characters and even if it’s violent, it’s funny in a weird way. Echoes of Charler Portis’s True Grit, deadpan humour of Richard Brautigan stories, Deadwood TV-series and a little Elmore Leonard for good measure. And not only Patrick deWitt is good with words, The Sisters Brothers was a splendid package, I truly fucken love its cover and the font it was printed was really really good on the eye.

Fifteen men on the Dead Man's Chest Yo-ho-ho

It was a bit long, something like three hours, so it drivelled some, but otherwise a funky adventure.

The reds go marching on on on

Based on a true story. A plane carrying a team of Manchester United players crashes in Munich, Germany, in 1958, resulting in a total of 23 fatalities with 21 survivors. It's a BBC production at its best, everything looks authentic, story is wrapped engagingly and the cast of mostly British young stars do fucken alrite.

The axeman cometh

A remake of the '79 original and about as unneeded as it can get. Ryan Reynolds tries to act a man possessed and it's quite funny.

Devil has many disguises

So bad that it's just horribly bad. Like many of its peers, horror b-shits, it didn't even amuse me. Well, maybe Jouko Ahola's acting as the captain of the team of elite soldiers and - spoiler alert - later as a zombie was pretty hilarious. In his favour though, everyone involved in this movie should start looking for another job.

Who stand for nothing fail for anything

Hamilton is a hard-ass Swedish killing machine who eats James Bonds and Jason Bournes for breakfast. Another movie based on Jan Guillou's excellent novels and yet another actor performing the agent's role and Mikael Persbrandt fits the part and I quite fucken liked the action of the film too.

The last day of extermination

A real triumph of acting, writing and utmost stupidity. A strong contestant of the worst movie of the years award.

Nugget of shiny silver

Time and time again Jeffery Deaver brings forth a book and proves he's the thriller author bar none.

Never fucking lose

Probably this is the bloodiest, filthiest and pornographic television production of all time, but at the same time it’s utterly beautiful and compelling on its own right. I guess I didn’t quite like Dustin Glare (Gannicus) as much as I liked Andy Whitfield (Spartacus) as the leading gladiator, but still, this series is really something else.

Flossers die

If this had nothing to do with the '82 original, I guess I wouldn't mind, but attached with its name already this prequal has quite nothing of its own, it's just terribly piss poor in many ways. The thing, the creature from outer space, is unintendedly funny and actors are shite.

Inferno in Rock Avalance

Restrepo is very much similar to Armadillo, the latter though had a storyline whereas Restrepo is a but a cluster of unanswered questions. Americans fighting in Afghanistan, sure, there's that, but what the hell were the guys doing there, but kill and get themselves killed? This kind of documentary of crazy war needs some sort of cohesive structure, otherwise it's a clusterfuck.

Crying for common man

Wow, wasn't this a fucken fiasco or what. I'd loose my mind unwinding the fuckery of all this. So, quickly, just a few points. The fighting scenes were awfully shot and choreographed. Medieval clichés were bludgeoned from right to left. There was a romantic subplot and it's the reason I have nightmares for the rest of my life. Paul Giamatti was terribly mistcast, with a weird hairdo. James Purefoy and Kate Mara and Aneurin Barnard plus the supporting actors were all very horrible and incredibly bad. Plain shit. Ironclad is a fuckturd.

Depth of loyalty we seem unworthy of

Animals are cute and usually movies based solely on some creature's comings and goings are fucking lovely. The dog in Red Dog is alright, but what stroke me is that I didn't find the Aussie humour that funny and the somewhat similar Hachi: A Dog's Tale was more emotional as a film.

Fuck all to lose and everything to gain

A biobic of Ozzy. There's the Sabbath years and the post-Sabbath years and we all were constantly reminded he drank and used drugs a lot. Stories of the pigeons and the bats and whatnot, it's all there.

Beating the crap out of everybody is the best solution

Paul Giamatti yet again in another easily forgettable drama. Standmark decent.

Kill all captives

Clocking in 2 hours and 22 minutes, it's a bit heavy-handed, even with the subject as tough as the Rape of Nanking. It wasn't bad, but it driveled particularly the midway of the movie. If you don't know the story, what happened in the Chinese capital of Nanking in 1937, read about it somewhere and shit yourself with horror and disgust.

Pick the right weapon

No proper story to speak of, bobbies hunting a cop killer in the London suburbs and one utterly meaningless sub plot. Jason Statham as Jason Statham.

Devil's torture chamber

Deliciously rubbish comic horror. Awfully cool and uncool. A fucken bore most of the times, but alright in the alright parts. A remake of the 1985 original.