A faint scent of longing and regret

This satire or dark comedy horror film is pretty bonkers. There's an exclusive restaurant on a private island owned and operated by celebrity chef Julian Slowik (Ralph Fiennes) who intends to kill a group of carefully selected diners before the night is out. An added surprise on the menu is that one guests - Margot (Anya Taylor-Joy) - wasn't on the list. Wonderful atmospheric, suspenseful and claustrophobic thrills.

A ghost in the water

If Renny Harlin's The Long Kiss Goodnight (1996) has aged exceptionally well, the same can be said of What Lies Beneath by Robert Zemeckis, released in 2000. It's a creepy thriller of a wealthy middle-aged couple in middle of a modern-day ghost story. It's a suspenseful and mightily scary movie. A damn entertaining piece.

Black void known as death

Of course this is stupid as shit as is the rest of the Murderville crap, but humour based on improvisation can be the coolest comedy. Jason Bateman and Maya Rudolph are called on a murder investigation as trainees. They have to solve who killed Santa. With Will Arnett, portraying detective Terry Seattle, they break characters and have a laugh. It's goofy innocent fun.

Die screaming motherfucker

Blown away. It's maybe two decades the last time I saw Renny Harlin's The Long Kiss Goodnight (1996) and, damn, ain't it still the coolest thing. A great action film, no cheap punches, pure and brutal entertainment, a high octane thriller that hasn't aged a day since its release.

Blessed by the freedom of tomorrow

Marcel Marx (André Wilms) is devoted to protect an immigrant boy Idrissa Saleh (Blondin Miguel). With the help of local people, his friends, shopkeepers and restaurateurs he intends to get the kid the hell out of Le Havre (a port city in the Normandy region of northern France) and its uptight authorities. Aki Kaurismäki's laconic film making knows no equal, the art resides in its quiet and sometimes awkward parts, and you can easily succumb into its almost dreamlike reality. André Wilms died this year.

Lie for the truth

Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery, by Rian Johnson, is like a puzzle wrapped in a thriller. Unfortunately, it ain't half as funny as its predecessor, but an entertaining enough a piece of the rise and fall billionaire Miles Bron. Daniel Craig and Edward Norton are both on fire, but Janelle Monáe steals the show really. Still, a tad disappointing.

A stain in a dying world

Kind of knew this was poor, but decided to torture myself anyways. Covid 19 has fucked the world to shit, all the imbeciles are alive, one girl is supposedly immune to the disease and that makes her a target. Bad people want to hunt her down and good people protect her. And it's a cliché-ridden fuckery and mistakes are everywhere every fucking minute. The Survivalist, by John Keeyes, is beyond shit.

The great hunt of nighttime generation

Movie producer Max Barber (Robert DeNiro) is shooting a movie with an old western star Duke Montana (Tommy Lee Jones), but his true intention is an accident in a scene, so he can collect the insurance money. Duke Montana is a son of a bitch to kill though. Comeback Trail by George Gallo is pretty cool. Only when the slapstick gear kicks in it can be infantile and downright stupid, but otherwise it's an entertaining and pleasant comedy. A well deserved addition to the list of movies about movie making (Get Shorty, The Player, State & Main, Shadow of the Vampire, Boogie Nights and Living in Oblivion).

The white sail on the lake

Roman Polanski's debut full-lenght movie is tagged as a psychological thriller. It hasn't all too well. At least all the thrills are gone. Maybe people find artistic integrity in its minimalism, free-flowing cinematography, the soundtrack (by Krzysztof Komeda) and the quiet moments, but as easily you can just ignore them.

Carved in stone

Troll movies are cool. André Øvredal's Trollhunter (2010) is my favourite. This one follows close behind. It doesn't take itself too seriously, there's stupid humour in appropriate doses. It's fun and entertaining. Great visually, too. Serious troll movies aren't so cool.

If the shortcut was a shortcut

Four British buddies hike in Sweden and are mightily scared of the forests! There's a menacing presence there stalking them! Stuff of nightmares. It's good old-fashioned survival horror where the characters are never safe and oblivious what the fuck is scaring their tits out. Directed by David Bruckner, based on an Adam Nevill novel.

Same grift different threads

Visually, just absolutely stunning. Otherwise, lots of the material should just have been left on the floor of the editing room. The story of a mentalist and a con artist with a secret could quite well be told with lesser scenes and minutes. Nicely, the cast just got bigger and better towards the end. Starring Bradley Cooper, Toni Collette, Willem Dafoe, Rooney Mara, Ron Pearlman, David Strathairn, Holt McCallany, Cate Blanchett and Richard Jenkins.

It tastes like almond

Looks like Hitchcock, writes like Christie. Komisario Palmun erehdys (Inspector Palmu's Mistake), directed by Matti Kassila, based on a Mika Waltari novel, is a masterpiece. Often voted the best Finnish film of all time. A whodunnit murder mystery from 1960.

The dawn was grey

Funny how a little Swedish romantic drama can be so captivating. The story ain't nothing out of ordinary either. Karin's husband is a schmuck, she comes across a chef Henrik and falls in love with him. If it weren't for the wonderful chemistry between Marie Richardson and Peter Stormare, the movie wouldn't be quite much of anything. Edited, it could be like a segment in Love Actually. The ending is so damn syrupy that it screams Swedish happiness like hell.

Just one big happy Zamundian-American aristocratic

Prince Akeem goes to America to retrieve the bastard son he never knew he had, so the kingdom can have a heir to the throne. Coming to America was released already in 1988 and conveniently the major bulk of the cast (Eddie Murphy, Arsenio Hall, Shari Headley, James Earl Jones, John Amos, Paul Bates, Vanessa Bell Calloway, Louie Anderson) appears in the predecessor as well. Unfortunately eighties sense of humour and the feeling of them times too.

Anarchy of the blind

Zone 414 is a city of robots where humans go to fulfill their pleasures. One resident however ain't happy with her life as a programmable machine. Or the fact that she receives death threats. She's very afraid. Luckily she teams up with a human detective (Guy Pearce) on a missing person case. It's no secret Andrew Braid's Zone 414 tries to be the next Blade Runner (1982) and Guy Pearce enjoys pissing on his career.

The cruelest torture to imagine

Pretty good. And creepy. The story of an adopted child goes horribly wrong. A horror movie executed amazingly without the entities beyond the laws of nature, the story is entangled in tension and suspense only. 

The road of last goodbyes

It's exactly like John Krasinki's A Quite Place, only much much worse. So many things ridiculously wrong in the plot. You get lightheaded just spotting them, but it's pretty entertaining all the same.

In unexplored realms of night to hide

A kidnapping case in Scotland. A helpless father is searching his son. Brian Goodman's Last Seen Alive still fresh in the memory and this is pretty much on the same ballpark. Logic is nowhere in sight, loose ends are endless and things happen solely for the benefit of the fabricated excitement.

The bones lie whitening

Just absolutely nothing happening in the 1971 western The Hired Hand. High plains drifter Harry Collings (Peter Fonda) returns home to become a family man. Arch Harris (Warren Oates) is his best friend and Hannah Collings (Verna Bloom) his wife. Probably the most boring western movie I've ever seen. Should have fast-forwarded this little piece of shit. Directed by Peter Fonda.

Another golden egg flying through space

Yeah ok, you lose your wife at a gas station, suspect foulplay, someone's kidnapped her, contact the police, help the investigation any which way you can, but don't act all imbecile and go gung-ho on the case. These are cool movies, but only if there's some proper logic involved. Like George Sluizer's Spoorloos (1988) or its remake The Vanishing (1993) (also by George Sluizer) or Jonathan Mostow's Breakdown (1997). 

We are not alone

Two French explorers (Vincent Munier and Sylvain Tesson) are desperate to find, witness and photograph a rarely met and endangered snow leopard in the high-altitude Tibetan plateau. It makes a wonderful documentary film, incredible wild life photography shot in two three-week stay in Eastern Tibet. Warren Ellis and Nick Cave's music accompany the journey all the way through.

The cloud shadows of midnight

A devout Christian man treats his visitors the way he treats his family. Like shit. He's a religious nutcase, as dangerous to the society as his religion. We Still Say Grace, by Brad Helmink and John Rasuchelbach, is a cheapo B movie, but it's still somewhat a creepy little horror flick of people going haywire and all stupid. A solid story too.

You die alone

There's a Stasi agent with a conscience! A scientist Franz Walter is promised a professorship at the university, but it includes working for the GDR's foreign intelligence service. German espionage thriller Nachschuss (The Last Execution) is as good as they come and, yet again, Lars Eidinger proves his talent.

When you are starving, you'll do anything

Just undisputed and unconditional wow. Not done the summary yet, but probably the best movie of the year. By a landslide, I imagine. Four buddies cheerfully enter the World War I and pretty fucking quickly find the deadliness and distress of warfare. Based on Erich Maria Remarque's landmark novel All Quiet on the Western Front (1928). Directed by Edward Berger.

Your kind is headed for extinction

Hardly nothing wrong with it. But maybe this blockbuster is for the big screens only. Sure as shit it loses lots of its magic and omnipotence while transformed into home screen. Decent flick though. After 30 years, Maverick (Tom Cruise) is still the top-notch wild child of aviation.

Hell-bent on getting even

I guess if you throw out common sense outta window as soon as you enter into the realm of Vendetta (by Jared Cohn), you are alright. If you don't, you cringe with embarrassment. Who writes these? Kindergarden children on their lunch break? The greatest heavyweight boxer of all time, Mike Tyson, was easily the best thing in the movie.

The mist that sleeps on a waveless desert

Better than they said it was. These two people find a chunk of gold somewhere and protect it no matter what. And that was about the only thing that was properly explained in the damn movie. Everything else was left in some kind of hazy blur and for the viewer to figure it out. A decent survival movie though. 

Climbing heaven and gazing on the earth

Hands down brilliant. Just the way thrillers should be. Packed full of suspense, action and excitement in this cat-and-mouse chase-thriller. And the cast is just thunderously cool with people like Gene Hackman, Anne Archer, James Sikking, Nigel Bennett, M. Emmet Walsh and J.T. Walsh. One of my all time favourite movies this one.

It's always darkest just before eternal nothingness

Brutal. Dinosaurs are among us. They are globally spread. Most of them are predators, so the fuckers are dangerous and cause egological disaster. But it works the other way as well. Humans capture them, lock them in cages, for pharmaceutical or other use. And that's animal cruelty and just plain wrong. In Jurassic World: Dominion (by Colin Trevorrow) they brought the old geezers Laura Dern, Sam Neill and Jeff Goldblum. And they all rusty. The movie, a disappointment anyways.

Something wicked this way comes

Calling it stupid doesn't cut it. No, this Marvel piece of shit is beyond stupid. The saddest thing is that it tries to be funny and all the jokes are firing blanks. The aliens of the story - Venom and Carnage - are lame cunts. Tom Hardy and Woody Harrelson portraying as their sidekicks were better off and happier doing something else.

Discovering the origin of evil

Zombie movies are cool. Even if they are nonsense, they are alright. The city of Raccoon is infested with these fuckers and a group of police are petrified. A pharmaceutical enterprise Umbrella Corporation has unleashed something truly magnificently evil. An adaptation from the Resident Evil game.

Magnetic Fields

It was almost like not watching a film. A radio journalist Johnny (Joaquin Phoenix) travels across the U.S. with his newphew Jesse (Woody Norman). It's a hearfelt journey, nothing much happening, but the wonderful acting made it so real.

Lost in hallowed ground

Don't know why I sat this shit through. A college romcom of two students falling in love, breaking up and falling in love again. Boring and done a million times before.

Towards the infinity

The fucking cancer movies are depressing. Our Friend (directed by Gabriela Cowperthwaite) is as heartbreaking as the rest of them. There's a cancer dying patient in the family and there's a special friend to help them out. Casey Affleck is surprisingly brilliant and Jason Segel, as the friend, downright terrific. Pretty sad shit though.

Giving medals for shooting the wrong people

Crime noir of a guy planning to assassinate the president of Finland, but for target practice kills his girlfriend instead! Taavi Kassila's Jäähyväiset presidentille (Farewell, Mr. President) from 1987 is an interesting Finnish attempt to deliver a proper action thriller, but unfortunately takes itself a little too seriously.

One more drop

They became somewhat a stars later, the lead actors, Arnie Hammer, Aidan Gillen and Amber Tamblyn. In 2008 they did Blackout (directed by Rigoberto Castañeda). A story of them getting trapped inside an elevator and the situation escalating quickly into a nightmare.

Freeway into infinite terror

Started out great. Dragged in the middle. A disappointing ending. That sums it up. Plotholed psycho horror and mystery thriller that is either frustratingly stupid or immensely entertaining.

Eating peas one at a time

The season # 7 of Seinfeld. Once again, top-notch episodes (The Seven, The Rye, The Calzone, The Invitations, The Soup Nazi) through and through. And most memorably, Susan (portrayed by Heidi Swedberg) dies. It also is incredibly funny how her death and the aftermath of her death were executed.

Travel on with the dead

A hitman seems to be having some memory issues. Not good. Not good at all. It sure helps if you can remember the face and the name of the person you are going to assassinate, if else to avoid collateral damage. Not the best of Liam Neeson's roles as a tough guy, the genre he seems particularly fond of as of late, but it passed the time alright.

Her looks are coy and cold

A rich nerdy type divorcee is kidnapped then imprisoned inside his lavish home by a sadistic psychopath. Not the most original of pieces, plotholes are aplenty, but these kind of thrillers are always a hoot. The bloodier the better. And this one's pretty bloody.

Please mansplain sexism

They kidnap a romance novelist so she can help them to find the treasure of Montezuma. Never in a million years I would have believed I'd actually like a doofus adventure comedy with Sandra Bullock and Channing Tatum in the lead, but they proved me wrong. 

Have fun in Attica, dickhead

A Paul Thomas Anderson movie. Two young sweethearts (wonderful Alana Heim and Cooper Hoffman) are looking for their place in the world in the San Fernando Valley in 1973. They mix up with politics, acting, waterbed business and straighten out their relationship as well. A nostalgic but somewhat a pointless romcom, entertaining enough though. Cool cameos by Sean Penn, Tom Waits and Bradley Cooper.

Innocent fuel

The first 30 minutes and Michael Mann's Heat (1995) turns in its grave when it sees this piece of shit. And then it proceeds into a brainless car chase flick. And it all is wrapped in migraine triggering chaotic cinematography. Ambulance's (by Michael Bay) shittiness is mesmerizing. It's almost as if they did this crap on purpose.

Where greater men have fallen

Special U.S. forces kill Russian soldiers. Elite ex-Navy Seals are targeted by Russian operatives on American soil. Looks like someone wants to start a war. Brainless junk, but it's the kind of combat movie it wants to be I guess. Based on Tom Clancy's Jack Ryan universe.

Sounds like a pile of shit

A comic book artist loses his fucking hand in a cruel car accident. The severed hand then goes on a killing spree and murders people that aren't too cool. Despite all the negative feedback, Oliver Stone's The Hand (1981) is decent atmospheric horror. Michael Caine in the lead.

Can't rush inspiration

Something else. A quasi-autobiographical story of a Hollywood screen writer Charlie Kaufman (played by Nicolas Cage) as he battles a writer's block with his latest work adapting "The Orchid Thief" by Susan Orlean (Meryl Streep) for the screen. No one's ever done a movie about flowers before, so it's understandly very difficult. Adaptation is manna from heaven, witty and brilliant piece of cinema. Funny as shit, too.

There's no news like bad news

A James Bond movie directed by Roger Spottiswoode in 1997, starring Pierce Brosnan as the agent 007, Michelle Yeoh as the Bond girl Wai Lin, Judi Dench as Bond's superior M (the head of M16), Desmond Llewelyn as Q (the head of Q division) and Jonathan Pryce as Elliot Carver, the main antagonist. The theme song performed by Sheryl Crow. A media mogul is determined to mess the minds of the great nations of the United States, the UK and China and set the world on fire! James Bond sets out to stop it.

There will always be more

There's a nazi officer in a concentration camp who wants to learn Farsi. A clever jew pretends to be Persian and decides to teach the nazi thus survive the inhuman conditions and, ultimately, death row. But instead of Farsi that he knows shit about, he educates the officer some proper gibberish! Splendid, a different kind of war and concentration camp movie and two really quite excellent actors Nahuel Pérez Biscayart and Lars Eidinger.

The world is coming undone

Dunno, but somewhat a mess. If you are not familiar with the Dumbledore, Grindelwald or Fantastic Beasts stories, or the Harry Potter crap what-have-you, you feel left out and don't understand a word they're sayin'. By the same token, it's spectacular, quite exquisitive looking crap and the actors (Jude Law, Eddie Redmayne, Mads Mikkelsen, Callum Turner, Jessica Williams, Oliver Masucci) add another cool green screen experience to their resume.