What a luxury to have a choice

I wasn't moved one way or the other with this one. Late 90th century Victorian England timepiece of a farm-owning lady and the men knocked out by her beauty. Rubbish really.

Relic from a deleted timeline

I probably am wrong about this, but I got the feeling that all the Terminator movies have told the same story over and over again. Never been a huge fan and the time travel business makes it all the more confusing.

Drilling prices

Nicolas Cage is a congressman Colin Pryce running for Senate. And it ain't a done deal if you can't keep your dick in your pants and choose to be booze-free. Ultimately this is a well-meaning environmentally aware piece set in Louisiana and it's spiced up with political persecution, minor misbehaviour and betrayal. A low-budget drama that Cage tries to keep afloat. Unfortunately just about the most boring film I've ever seen.

Cattle die, kinsmen die

This is the worst movie in motion picture history, yet it's still hysterically funny because everything, absolutely everything, is ridiculous beyond belief. I couldn't believe my eyes really. Minute after minute, scene after scene and wig after wig I witnessed such mesmerizing bullshit that I couldn't even hate it. Shot 100% in Malaysia for fuck's sake.

Stay and satisfy the darkness

The oldest story in the book. The house is haunted and the citizens of a small rural village its built upon, know and protect its secrets, thus they sacrifice people to please those ungodly spirits. Done a million times. Old school.

From a rose on the gray

It was either a sequel or remake of one of the 80s National Lampoon comedies. I don't bother to check it out because I don't waste time on such things. It wasn't that bad as I thought it should, but nevertheless it was a bit weird because some of the material was clearly adult-oriented with straight up obscenities and some of it was directed towards a whole lot younger audience. Prob'ly tried to please as big a range of people as possible. It quite didn't work out.

The past is dead

In the aftermath of Bosnian War, Nato commando (De Niro) and Serbian death squad member (Travolta) hunt each other in Georgian (US) woods. I kinda understand the negative feedback, particularly Travolta's appearance and his accent (prob'ly learnt it while watching Borat) were weird as fuck. And the cat-and-mouse -game overall was awkward and stupid as well. I still enjoyed.

Demented aunts on vacation

A James Bond or whatever the next spy movie -parody built entirely upon Melissa McCarthy's charisma. And if you think she doesn't have charisma you are in for the long haul. Jokes and bullets fired from left and right and some of them misfired, and some others didn't.

Too many people doing math

A bank teller (Williams) doesn't know what to do with his life, so he takes to liking a young male prostitute. It's a story of a 60 year old man figuring out he's wasted his entire life keeping up a pretence for wrong reasons. Robin Williams in one of his last performances and even if the story is bereft of nuances and depth, he's doing incredibly well, altho Kathy Baker does even better as the betrayed wife.

Trouble lasts forever

All the high-tech action and adventures made me confused. Them homeboys, the Marvel superheroes are against some sort of artificial intelligence bogeyman. It is what it is, photoshopped and digitally bludgeoned well, but I'm out of the loop.

The place to rest bones

The only agenda here was to convince people that Courtney Love had Kurt Cobain murdered. They acted out all the evidence, half evidence and hearsay to could muster. Can't think of a better way to ridicule an interesting case because it all was hopelessly one-sided. Some proper points nevertheless.

Plenty of bad preachers for the devil

The cell 213 in South River State Penitentiary is the seat of Satan (sic). And that's not good. Prison life is as tough as it gets, you don't need beasts and evil spirits from the other side to ruin a perfectly unjust incarceration. Someone's imagination went a tad overspeed here.

Vanity doesn't pay

Fucking hilarious. A murder suspect accidentally grows a nice pair of horns onto himself and as he finds out that they have the power to reveal the true identity of the killer, he takes the bull by the horns. The black horror comedy offers excellent moments like there was no tomorrow.

The wounds of honor are self-inflicted

A silly little movie in the medieval fantasy camp, and I'm sure after wasting money on Clive Owen and Morgan Freeman, all they could afford were unknown and, sadly, untalented geezers. The story is a weird laugh really, a confusing medieval East meets West, ninjas and knights and all that.

Drinking is a solitary sport

Everything is falling to pieces in Billy Hope's - light heavyweight champion - life. But like a second (or umpteenth, who's counting) coming of Rocky Balboa, he rises from the ashes to conquer the obligations you spotted dead-on a million miles ago. It's still quite a captivating film of a fight for survival.

Beaten and broken down for generations

Martin Luther King, Jr., is fighting for justice and he's particularly fired up because in the small town of Selma their law for black people's right to vote and demonstrate is interpreted in obscure ways. And whereas MLK (David Oyelowo) intends to find out a peaceful solution, there's Malcolm X (Nigel Thatch) of more rebellious nature and the white supremists such as Gov. George Wallace (Tim Roth) and the sheriff dudes cookin' the stew even hotter. One of the darkest phases of American history wasn't told captivatingly enough I'm afraid.

Entity driven by evil

Psychic business goes all mental and they summon unwanted freaks midst our presence. Such a shitty situation calls for extra help, so ghosthunting buddies and such arrive. I guess I've seen the previous ones - Insidious 1 and Insidious 2 - because it all seems so repetitive. And silly.

You gotta call the green man

Amy Whitehouse never was nowhere near my favourite artist and this 2 hours' documentary doesn't change that. But I like biopics of eccentric people. Amy was a gifted song writer, but to her misery met up with a junk-for-brains shithead, fell in love with the heavy stuff, eventually OD'd on booze and died. I reckon this movie gives a pretty honest portrait of the artist and the people around her. Amy herself was most of the time fucking annoying and the managers and her father were there only cashing in on her fame.

Nugget out of here

Schoolful of children turn into bloodsucking freaks and imprison teachers inside the school. Reasonably funny horror comedy and a nice line-up of actors (Elijah Wood, Rainn Wilson, Jack McBrayer of 30 Rock, Jorge Garcia of Lost) are noticeably having fun. Close to greatness.

Pistacia brings peace

Jo is an ex-con (15 years for armed robbery and manslaughter) who reacquaints with his old neighborhood. After all 'em years things aren't what they used to be, but that doesn't mean they still don't go sideways. A pretty convincing crime tale set in Paris' Ménilmontant suburb.

Best of 2015

The best shit I witnessed in 2015.

MOVIES

Blue Ruin (Jeremy Saulnier)
Kidnapped (Miguel Ángel Vivas)
Coherence (James Ward Byrkit)
In Order Of Disappearance (Hans Petter Molland)
Blood Ties (Guillame Canet)
Force Majeure (Ruben Östlund)
Whiplash (Damien Chazelle)
Kung Fury (David Sandberg)
Kingsman (Matthew Vaughn)
God's Pocket (John Slattery)
Birdman or (The Unexpected of Ignorance) (Alejandro Gonzáles Inárritu)
Dead Snow 2 (Tommy Wirkola)
Mad Max: Fury Road (George Miller)
Anthony Jeselnik: Thoughts and Prayers (Adam Dubin)
Red Obsession (David Roach,Warwick Ross)
The Imitation Game (Mortem Tyldum)
A Second Chance (Susanne Bier)
Ex Machina (Alex Garland)
Mistaken For Strangers (Tom Berninger)
Boyhood (Richard Linklater)
Unbroken (Angelina Jolie)
20,000 Days on Earth (Ian Forsyth, Jane Pollard)
Interstellar (Christopher Nolan)
Begin Again (John Carney)

TV SERIES

Hell on Wheels
Lilyhammer
True Detective
Ray Donovan
Fortitude
Olive Kitteridge
Walking Dead
Game of Thrones
Vikings

BOOKS

The Drop by Dennis Lehane
The Martian by Andy Weir

GAMES

Far Cry 4
Fifa 16
Sniper Elite 2

R.I.P.

Lemmy Kilmister
Simo Salminen
Robert Loggia
Scott Weiland
Philthy Animal Taylor
Gunnar Hansen
Al Molinaro
Maureen O'Hara
Geoffrey Lewis
A.J. Pero
Alex Rocco
Henning Mankell
Robert Z'Dar
Wes Craven
Omar Sharif
Jim Sadist
Roger Rees
Sir Christopher Lee
BB King
Ruth Rendell
Pavel Srnicek
Günter Grass
Richard Dysart
Daniel von Bargen
Taylor Negron
Kim Foley
Terry Pratchett
Leonard Nimoy
Frank Watkins