Keep your candles burning

If you ain't big on romantic films, like myself, Richard Curtis's works just might change your mind. This is absolutely brilliant, dangling on a tightrope, but never actually falling in wishy-washy sentimental mush. There's also a little time travel thing on the side but because they doesn't try to explain the unexplainable they get away with it just fine. And you don't get to hear a Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds song in a movie too often. And if there's a girl any prettier than Rachel McAdams in the world, please let me know.

Fairy fucking queen cocksucker

Two great actors - Michael Douglas and Matt Damon - are giving top-notch performances, but there's nothing in it, in the story, but two gay people in their extravagant life. The story is bereft of drama, but luckily there's little things like having Dan Aykroad and the Zsa Zsa Gabor -looking Rob Lowe in the mix for comic effect.

Everyone is a star in their movie

Biography of Pete Walli of Kingston Wall. The guy killed himself so that gives him and the band a cult status. To me, they never were anything special, to be honest, I never gave him a thought when he was alive and I didn't particularly like the music. Walli was a rock musician who wanted to become a star, desperately, but that never happened. He was gifted, granted, and he did his utmost, but not enough and in the end he was a failed rock'n'roll star with a drug problem. He also went all crazy on weirdo religion before the band's third and final album, and his untimely death, so the premise is kind of interesting.

There is danger in the water

In the early Eighties Shock Waves (1977) was my favourite horror movie alongside The Evil (1978) and Vengeance of the Zombies (1973). It was scary as shit, I probably had nightmares of its zombie stormtroopers, but I still loaned the VCR tape from the local gas station whenever I could. And now I had a pleasure to watch it again. And it's still fucken good mostly because my memories were good.

Chow down on that shitty shame sandwich

The story could be from Carl Hiaasen novels, so that's a compliment, but Mark Wahlberg and Dwayne Johnson fuck it up.

Black cock down

You know what, it wasn't that bad. Comes with the familiar crew, them people who are at every second Hollywood comedy. This time round, they did decent.

No life till leather

Like a 90 minutes pro-shot (3D, Imax, all the crap) music video. And it's the most pro-shot motherfucker out there, looks mesmerizingly cool. I mean, if you didn't like the music, you'd probably enjoy the show. There's a narrative movie where the concert takes place on the side starring Dane DeHaan (The Place Beyond the Pines, Lincoln), but otherwise it's Metallica through and through with their greatest hits. I have seen a great number of concert DVDs in my time, and this is by far the greatest.

Somewhere south of heaven

Tailored for Danny Trejo, however doin' the lead ain't perhaps his niche. And there's Mickey Rourke in a bit weird role as no-other-than Lucifer. Yet it's a western film aaaaaaaaaaaand it's well fucken riddled with clichés and bulletfucked with messy action.

Wise man learns from his enemies

Ron Howard did a film of two remarkably different 70s Formula 1 rivalries, James Hunt and Niki Lauda. Don't particularly enjoy sports movies, but this one looks authentic enough. In fact, some of the racing bits looked so real and well done, it was almost impossible to tell was it actual footage or not. 

Wasn't supposed to happen

One of the hundreds of thousands of movies based on Hurricane Katrina. Widower father (Paul Walker) fights against the storm in an abandoned hospital. The character talks alot, to himself, so you are constantly up-to-date, although it sounds and looks all fucken silly and it's a telltale of plain bad film making.

Sing the orphan song

A bit blunt and not too fair, but this is like a new version of Interview with the Vampire (1994) (also by Neil Jordan). The good-vampire-bad-vampire team of Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise are replaced by Saoirse Ronan and Gemma Arterton. Two girls are doin' their bloodcurdling business in some bleak city and all's quite stylistic and moody, but can't help it how boring it got at times. Every once in a while I also thought why I bother watching this pretentious piece of shit, but other than that it did quite alright.

Vengeance is like an open wound

A big budget Godzilla type of a movie. Gotta say that the blockbuster action and them giant machines and gigantic beasts and all that fighting, it wasn't epic, it was boring and pathetic as fuck.

Still in the box

My gut feeling says that this won all the anti-Academy awards imaginable. At first, I was so focused on the totally talentless lead performances - Will Smith and Jaden Smith, respectively - that I almost forgot that's it's yet another M. Night Shyamalan fucking shite. It was so bad, so disgustingly bad, that it's almost funny.

Everyone watches it

A guy is addicted to porn and we pretend to be interested. 'One of the best movies of the year!' screamed a headline of one review. Yeah right. Actor Joseph Gordon-Levitt's directional debut, so the overrated actor becomes an overrated director overnight. Don't know shit of directing, but he should get some laws straight first.

The inventor of music business

They made an effort to convince the viewers that 'the greatest procuder ever lived', Phil Spector, is not quilty of killing that girl. I'm not enough familiar with the case to say one way or the other, but like everyone I was prejudiced and thought it was a murder because he's an eccentric and that how it was reported in the first place. Be as it may, David Mamet directs and Al Pacino does a magnificent job.

Mother's not well

A mailman gradually loses her marbles and that's the one and only thing this movie is about. Like most of Finnish films, you can't at first believe the positive feedback and then you see the goddamn thing yourself. And it's crap beyond belief. Total annihilation of time.

A wet grave

Had nothing happened, watching these Icelandic fishermen doing their thing, the first half an hour of the movie, I really would have digged it, even without the catastrophe. It was done so well. Based on a true story of a man in peril, a man against nature - that kind of thing.

We are already ghosts

A wild western adventure. Looks alright and all that, but hopelessly lost in its Disney limitations. Johnny Depp has funny one-liners and people are supposed to laugh to hell and back. And there's Armie Hammer on the second lead and he remains a nobody.

A perfect storm

.revelc gnikcuf os m'I esuabec ,sterces ym wonk ot teg reven yeht ,elpoep esehT.

Never cry over spilt milk

I think this was a rather matter-of-fact and sympathetic documentary of one of the best ice hockey players in the world ever existed. Particularly his personal side was well covered, but it still left me amazed why couple of important figures in his career, that I thought were important figuries in his career - Tie Domi and Saku Koivu - were left out of the movie.

Soft through the sighing trees

Borderline Alzheimer retiree, Kurt Wallander hooks up with his last case. The final TV-movie of his investigative series. All in all, I preferred the movies with Rolf Lassgård in the helm, but the others (particularly Kenneth Branagh and, like in this one, Krister Henriksson) did lots alright too.